Southpaw Jones

Southpaw Jones presents
Is This Interesting?
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:
Good morning! I’m celebrating internet access today. In my apartment! 24/7! I’m working online with oatmeal and coffee for which I did not have to pay $5! It rocks. I should have invested in this long ago, but then again, the Austin coffeehouse scene is pretty sweet. Independent coffeehouses, at that. I’m sure I’ll return to Flipnotics, Austin Java, Summer Moon, Green Muse, Flight Path, Little City, Ruta Maya, Garden District, etc. from time to time. How could I not?

I had a vonderful time at Café Mundi last night thanks to an awesome crowd and 3 talented guests: Owen Egerton, Letherbag, and Harold Ambler. Thanks to you Austinites for the continued support and sing-a-longs! Matt the Electrician will return next week.

Southpaw Jones presents
And Another Thing…
More verbosity with velocity and viscosity:
But back to Owen for a second. Owen has long been an mentor to me and many others in Austin. He is a comedian, writer, and 1/3 of the legendary Sinus Show. But he’s also one of those pure, genuine people who just aren’t that common. The fearlessness and honesty he displayed last night remain inspiring to me this morning.

And so, in his honor, I am compelled to come clean and admit something to you all. I, along with Owen, Henri, and Joe, am part of an up-and-coming boy band called Cedar Fever. There, I feel better. I don’t want to say much, but I will mention that we’ll be appearing in Austin real soon. Oh, and there’s that video…

Southpaw Jones presents
SPJTV
Moving pictures because technology allows it:
I now present to you the southpawjones.net premeire of Cedar Fever’s debut video, U Gave Me the Clap. Not for the weak at heart:

Spike Gillespie presents
A Haiku History of the World
A look at our past, / seventeen syllables and / three lines at a time:

Russia leads space race.
So? They get Sputnik but we
get Elvis Presley.

The Ginn Sisters present
Something’s Gotta Go!
One of the following must cease to exist except in your memory. Which is it?

Bob Dylan or The Beatles
Discuss!

Thank you, come again!
www.southpawjones.net
©2006 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.

Southpaw Jones presents
Is This Interesting?
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:

A man in the coffeehouse here was talking pretty loud on his cell phone. He was wishing someone a happy birthday, then he mentioned lunch at Taco Bell, where they have the “new Nacho Crunch Burrito.” Makes me wonder if he’s part of the new wave of ultra-guerilla marketing. After a few minutes, he’ll head to another public place to do the same thing, and Taco Bell will pay him per utterance. I don’t know, but dang it, it worked. I want one.

What is with the form & application industry? Do these people actually try a test run before publishing them? I had to fill out an application yesterday, and crimeny! Who writes that small? At one point, it asked for address and phone number, allowing a half-inch for both. Both! Yes, I like felt tips, and yes, I write as big as John Hancock, but all I ask is a little empathy. It’s like the first sick test of an employer to see how you deal with an impossible task. “This unemployed guy is used to wide open spaces, so we’re gonna give him a quarter page for his entire employment history. See how he does.” Get the fox and the farmer and the chicken and the grain across the river before the cock crows. What’s my point here? New paragraph!

Tonight, I’ll play at Café Mundi with special guests Owen Egerton & Leatherbag! This weekend, I head to Seattle, Eugene, and Portland to play shows with the fabulous Raina Rose. No liquids on the flight(s)!

Spike Gillespie presents
A Haiku History of the World
A look at our past, / seventeen syllables and / three lines at a time:

One World War follows
another. Rosie rivets.
Patton rolls. We win.

Abi Tapia presents
Abi Tapia’s America
Our own wanderlusty singer/songwriter offers a view from her lens:
This guy had the freshest (read: stinkiest) onions I had ever smelled.

Southpaw Jones presents
Quotopia
Freshly-picked quotes from the ol’ reference collection:
Someone should clip Sting around the head and tell him to stop singing in that ridiculous Jamaican accent.
Elvis Costello

Southpaw Jones presents
Rhyme Time!
One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:
Hate for the kernelled vegetable (1 syllable each)
Highlight here for answer: [corn scorn]

Thank you, come again!
www.southpawjones.net
©2006 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.

Southpaw Jones presents
Is This Interesting?
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:
I got nothin’ today. I’m gonna Larry King this bee-otch.

Select-a-size paper towels are great, but sometimes I still want something smaller. Give me perforated one-inch squares!

Why is coffee so great? When I see the cloud of half & half rise and disperse in the morning, I think, “I am lucky, wealthy man.”

You know what’s annoying about pin worms? They always run a little behind.

Little Miss Sunshine is a fine film. Tense, funny, and unflinching.

According to last night’s Daily Show, the primary right wing talking point on the war has gone from “stay the course” to “adapt to win.” Prepare to hear this from every Republican politician and Rush listener. Sounds a little Darwinian, no? Could this be the beginning of the end of American arrogance? I’m not holding my breath. Well, actually, I am, because someone cut the cheese in this coffeehouse.

Abi Tapia presents
Abi Tapia’s America
Our own wanderlusty singer/songwriter offers a view from her lens:
One of New Orleans’ cemeteries, a good place for walking.

Spike Gillespie presents
A Haiku History of the World
A look at our past, / seventeen syllables and / three lines at a time:

Eighteen sixty-one:
divided we fall. Able
Lincoln unites us.

Atomic Robot presents
Wikipedioh?
What you might not know about what you might now know:
PANDO – the World’s Largest Organism

Southpaw Jones presents
Quotopia
Freshly-picked quotes from the ol’ reference collection:
The especial genius of women I believe is to be electrical in movement, intuitive in function, spiritual in tendency.
Margaret Fuller

Thank you, come again!
www.southpawjones.net
©2006 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.

Southpaw Jones presents
First Lines
Introductions to classic works I will never finish:
“I certainly do, I certainly have, and I certainly will appreciate you, Dawn,” Tim said firmly, a bit of lunchtime gristle holding fast to his goatee. “But I’ve worked hard all day to be the best vibes player I can be, and all I ask is a little fresh grub when I get home!” In one motion, Dawn grabbed the keys and shoved the unappreciated end of a mallet through his left eye. Pittsburg bound on solid ground, Dawn broke about twelve hours late that day.

Southpaw Jones presents
iPawed [Original]
Pound for pound, the best sounds around. For free!
My second song for the Soup Peddler. This time, a meta-jingle for one of his dishes.
Veggie Medley (1:31)

Spike Gillespie presents
A Haiku History of the World
A look at our past, / seventeen syllables and / three lines at a time:

Industry arrives.
It¹s electric. It¹s steamy.
We are humming now.

Southpaw Jones presents
Paw Prints
Pics of Southpaw & his environ:
A family of ducks I met outside Effingham, Illinois.

Southpaw Jones presents
Quotopia
Freshly-picked quotes from the ol’ reference collection:
If you landed here from Mars and looked at Congress’s agenda, you’d think that the problem in America is that rich people don’t have enough money.
Jared Bernstein, senior economist at the Economic Policy Institute in Washington

Thank you, come again!
www.southpawjones.net
©2006 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.

Southpaw Jones presents
Paw Prints
Pics of Southpaw & his environ:
My to-do list, courtesy of Master Colbert:

Southpaw Jones presents
Is This Interesting?
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:
Today’s word is initiative. It’s a big issue for unemployed folks like me. What makes someone get up in the single-digit morning hours when no one will yell or throw money either way? How is it that successful people say ‘yes’ to so many tasks and responsibilities every day? I don’t know. I hear it takes two weeks of repetitive activity to start a new habit. Would it “take” if I were to simply act like a type-A go-getter for 14 days?

Austin certainly doesn’t encourage productivity. It’s the kind of place where you work just hard enough to stay in the city limits and enjoy everything. Steve Earle says “the weather’s too good, the girls are too pretty and the dope’s too cheap” to get anything going. That’s why he hangs his hat in Tennessee.

Initiative is that moment wherein you get off the couch. Everybody knows that. But what about the moment ten minutes earlier where you think, “I should get off the couch now,” and you don’t? What is the psychological and physiological difference between those two moments? I made the comment recently that if I could bottle initiative, I’d be a millionaire. Ok, that sounds good, but let’s say it’s in the bottle, and you have to inject it into your system. Well, dang it, it takes initiative to get out the needle, extract Southpaw’s Initio-2000, thump out the bubble, find the vein, and work it in! If you’re willing to do that, you obviously don’t need it in the first place!

So I’ll also need to market a pre-syringe pill. You keep it in your pocket and toss one down when you’re ready to start moving. That gives you just enough boost to get working on the shot. Now, I know what you’re thinking, “Dr. Jones, sometimes I can’t seem to get the pill all the way up and into my mouth.” That’s why I’m also hypothetically introducing Let’s-Get-it-Started Vapo-Rub! (Please do not mix with the similarly packaged Let’s-Get-Retarded Moisturizer.) First, you decide to be productive. Then you rub. (BTW, do NOT try to take LGISVR on a commercial flight.) Then you pop the pill, inject the magic (twice in each arm), and I swear you will be a bumblebee of worth and success for up to 90 minutes. And I’ll be rich with a capital-rolled-Spanish ‘R’!

Spike Gillespie presents
A Haiku History of the World
A look at our past, / seventeen syllables and / three lines at a time:

Colonists unite.
Boston tea fling leads sun to
set on British flag.

Southpaw Jones presents
Fool Around Friday
Silly games for silly times:
A lovely doodle-enhancer to kick off your weekend. Here’s where I found it.

Southpaw Jones presents
Rhyme Time!
One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:
Non-permanent crustacean (1 syllable each)
Highlight here for answer: [temp shrimp]

Thank you, come again!
www.southpawjones.net
©2006 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.