Southpaw Jones

Southpaw Jones presents
Is This Interesting?
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:

It’s Friday, folks, for real, no joke, I would not shake your bacon in a deceptive way. I’m pre-coffee at the office after a long week of work, music, and play. Tonight, my lady and I will venture to the theatre where the promoter guarantees a full screening of Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan. We are most excited. I shall need to procure my finest genital scarf from the recesses of my mahogany closet, for the air has reinvented itself as the crisp mistress of autumn. I know now that my only son will never return to university. His arms will never find warmth in the folds of a woman nor cradle my seed’s legacy. Oh, well, my wine shack be full and my hallucinogen sack be taut! Ho to the florny blims!

Yeah, I just need to start a new paragraph. Save myself. I came up with a new word yesterday. I think it describes me, many Austinites, and many of my friends. The word is…

YIPPIESTER.

Not ‘yip-ee-ES-ter’ but ‘YIP-ee-ster.’ As you may have guessed, it’s a three-part jumble-mash of Yuppie, Hippie, and Hipster. You may think you’re above such labels, but chances are, you’re not. Especially if you’re 20/30-something and living in Austin. I don’t have the energy today to dissect each of the three stereotypes, but as I look at them, I realize that they share tendencies to be indulgent, snobby, and oblivious. Perhaps combining them helps us eliminate the most unappealing aspects of the three. Sort of like the branches of government used to work. Checks and balances, you know.

Let’s say the Yuppie in me wants to score some sushi. The Hippie in me says, “Ok, but you have to thank the goddess and use the fish protein only for some connective activity like love-making or a drum circle.” Ok, I can handle that.

What do you think, Hipster-inside-me?

“What? Is someone talking? Oh, I’m sorry, I don’t listen to squares.”

“Well, I was just thinking about getting some sushi…”

“Don’t dress up, dude. Don’t leave a good tip. And dude?”

“Yes?”

“Don’t get too excited about it. It’s just raw fish. You look like an idiot when you’re looking forward to something.”

“Oh…uh…”

“Hey, wait a minute, are you using me to illustrate some point on your stupid blog?”

“Well, it’s actually a Gazette.”

“Whatever, man, just leave me out of it. What now? You’re doing some sort of meta-joke with me? Some sort of post-modern internal dialogue? Lame.”

“Ok, it’s true, and you’re well within your rights to deny…”

“I’m outta here. I’m not even Hipster anymore! You’re putting Emo and Punk words in my mouth! You’ve made me strain my jaw, and I need it to be really slack and gaping tonight. It’s Friday, and if I don’t look out of it at the club, I’m gonna text you some venom.”

“You don’t have my number.”

“Then why am I talking to you?”

Aaaaaannnnnnd SCENE! Great work, everybody! Happy Friday to all! Happy Borat Day to all! Ho ho ho!

Southpaw Jones presents
Online Museum of the Week
The Corazon Free Trade Lucha Libre Mask Collection:

The last in this featured series, ALEBRIJE!

Spike Gillespie presents
Spaiku!
A look at her world / seventeen syllables and / three lines at a time:

because i can be
competitive, i “showed off”
did modified split

Southpaw Jones presents
Quotopia
Freshly-picked quotes from the ol’ reference collection:
As the myth of manhood continues to be deconstructed, men may be able to release the steady grip on their testicles that they have held for centuries, thereby allowing healthy circulation to the weak phallus of male identity, mapping out new male territory where they can be both confident and erect.
Lisa Donald, lebowskitheory.com

Southpaw Jones presents
Fool Around Friday
Silly games for silly times:

Thank you, come again!
www.southpawjones.net
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2006 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.