Southpaw Jones

Southpaw Jones presents
Is This Interesting?
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:

That’s right. For all my international fans, it is Election Day in America. It’s a mid-term election, which means we don’t get to choose a constitutional emperor this time. It’s all pawns and bishops, but it still results in some high drama.

In a very convenient bit of timing, Saddam Hussein was sentenced to death on Sunday. That’s such a relief, ‘cause I totally thought that guy was going to live forever. He was, like, so evil and bearded. Colin Powell told us that Saddam had an eighteen wheeler filled with life-extending chemicals, and he, like, gulped them down with salt and lamb right before the war. Apparently, the only way to kill him now is with fine Iraqi rope made of horse tails and insurgent fibers.

Nah, whatever, sure, he was/is a bad, bad dude. Hang him in Crawford and broadcast it on pay-per-view for all I care. I’m sure it was all part of the original deal he made with Rumsfeld.

The interesting part about this death sentence is the assumption that it will help Republicans in the election today. I don’t doubt that it will. For you see, I know the simple, primary difference between Republicans and Democrats. That difference is this:

Republicans love violence.
Democrats love sex.

Or perhaps:

Republicans prefer violence to sex.
Democrats prefer sex to violence.

Introduce Republicans to a president who cuts military funding and enjoys oral sex with an intern, and they’ll start spitting with self-righteous anger. But throw them a president who goes to war with the wrong country at the wrong time in the wrong way, sacrificing thousands of American lives and hundreds of thousands of Iraqi civilian lives, and they pretty much stick with him all the way.

Think about historical Republicans: Lincoln, Nixon, Reagan, H.W. Bush. You can’t recall any sex, and you’d be sick and twisted to imagine it, but you sure remember the weapons, violence, and threats of violence.

How ‘bout historical Democrats: JFK, Clinton, George Clooney. It’s all sexy time, all the time sexy! From the window, to the wall!

It’s no mystery why fundamentalist Christians generally align themselves with Republicans. That whole system of salvation requires a miraculous lack of sex and a whole grab bag of nasty Roman violence.

And it’s no mystery why Democrats have so much trouble organizing and unifying. They’re all too busy pursuing and contemplating the big California Roll in the Hay. It’s hard to put together a battle plan when you’re more interested in an Army of Two.

Which brings me to Independents and Third Party folks. Some of them prefer sex, but some prefer violence. Above all else, though, they love the sound, aroma, and flavor of a good vintage whine.

So what’s it gonna be today, people? Sex, Violence, or Whining? Which takes up more of your time? Which were you better at in college? Which one do you dream about most often? That’s your personal poll. Take it behind the curtain, and do your thang. Oooo, baby!

Southpaw Jones presents
Online Museum of the Week
www.fadeeva.com/animals.html” target=new>Handmade Stuffed Animals by Natasha Fadeeva:

RABBIT!

Spike Gillespie presents
Spaiku!
A look at her world / seventeen syllables and / three lines at a time:

ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch
ouchity ouch ouch ouch ouch
god that was stupid.

Southpaw Jones presents
Two (2) Pathetic Things
Humility is our only hope:
1] voting
2] not voting

Southpaw Jones presents
Quotopia
Freshly-picked quotes from the ol’ reference collection:
Democracy is when the indigent, and not the men of property, are the rulers.
Aristotle

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