Southpaw Jones

Archive for December 4th, 2006

I don’t deserve to be so Monday.

December 04, 2006 By: Southpaw Jones Category: Poetry, iPawed, Interesting? No Comments →

Southpaw Jones presents
Is This Interesting?
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:

Happy Monday! December is upon us as a young, thin tick, tucked away and hungry for nutrients. The weekend was a fine one. Two days. Pretty standard.

I performed with C-Dar Fevar to benefit the Ashera Project for sex education. Lord have mercy.
I performed at Café Caffeine with Andy Corwin and Sofia Grey.
I captained a kayak for the first time in my life.
I saw Robert Altman’s A Prairie Home Companion which was odd, but entertaining.
I ate a fried avocado taco from a roadside stand.
I cleaned my living room, a rare and harrowing feat.

I’ve been meaning to write about For Your Consideration, the latest from Christopher Guest and all his friends, about an independent film swooped up in Oscar-buzz hysteria. It was different from Waiting For Guffman, Best in Show, and A Mighty Wind, as it was more cinematic and less strict (faux-)documentary. I liked it, I had a good time, and I look forward to seeing it again on DVD. Blah, blah, blah.

What really stood out to me as artful was the portrayal of mainstream entertainment as babysitting. Some stars of the film within the film are “forced” by their newfound success to dress young, act young, and appear on MTV-style shows. Those scenes result in some of the more uncomfortable but brilliant moments in FYC. Isn’t it true, though, that to be a big star, you have to entertain 12-year-olds after school? Who goes to see Mission: Impossible III? Who goes to see Casino Royale? Scary Movie 5? Certainly not me and mine. I swear, it’s all babysitting and paper route money fueling our economy!

Poor Harrison Ford! You used to be a humble carpenter. Now you’re an old man trying to look hip for the kids.

Poor Martha Stewart! You can’t just have your billions and your dignity. To be truly successful, you have to crack wise with Busta Rhymes on an award show.

Bill Hicks once said that it seems the greatest thing you can achieve in our society is “becoming some barker,” selling some product. Gwyneth Paltrow doesn’t have enough money? John Mayer doesn’t have enough money? Jerry Seinfeld doesn’t have enough money? They have to sell credit cards and cars and odors and make-ups.

So that’s it, then? To be a hot, relevant celebrity, you either have to mind the tweens on Extra or sell MasterCard between segments or both?

What’s your point, Southpaw? Well, I guess my point is that sometimes I’m glad to be a little singer/songwriter/Gazette-publisher here in Austin. Because I fear that if the big wigs and fat cats ever came to me with an offer, I’d end up with a head full of highlighted dreadlocks selling edible glow sticks on national television and clubbing with ~~Debbie~~ Deborah Gibson.

God bless us. Everyone.

Southpaw Jones presents
iPawed [Original]
Pound for pound, the best sounds around. For free!

SOUTHPAW’S 10 DAYS OF XMAS! FREE MP3s of my 10 “Greatest Hits,” available for a limited time. Get ‘em and share ‘em while you can!

Here’s a meloncholy number from the meloncholy record One in the Door, One in the Grave.

Slab of Pie

Southpaw Jones presents
If I Had a Million Dollars
Unnecessary products that inexplicably tempt me:

The Hip Hop Prayer Book
An excerpt:
Psalm 23 as adapted by Ryan Kearse
The Lord is all that, I need for nothing.
He allows me to chill.
He keeps me from being heated
and allows me to breathe easy.
He guides my life so that
I can represent and give
shouts out in his Name.
And even though I walk through
the Hood of death,
I don’t back down
for you have my back.
The fact that you have me covered
allows me to chill.
He provides me with back-up
in front of my player-haters
and I know that I am a baller
and life will be phat.
I fall back in the Lord’s crib
for the rest of my life.