Southpaw Jones

Is This Interesting?
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:

I’m a busy boy, friends. Today, I start four days of four performances in a row before I collapse on Sunday. [More info on all that below.] Tomorrow, I’ll celebrate Six Months of the Fun Time Gazette! Hooray!

Today, I’d like to talk a little jive on the subject of music. I make it, I take it, and I been shakin’ my bacon to it since infancy. Music has changed so much since I was a kid, but even then, I had fierce independent tastes. Maybe it’s because I grew up in the country, far from pressuring peers. I liked what I liked, and while my first cassette purchase should have been Michael Jackson or Weird Al, I spent my allowance money to buy the decades old “Endless Summer” by The Beach Boys. It made me sing. It made me dance.

It was a beautiful collection of music.

Now I’m a full-fledged adult, and music is EVERYWHERE. You couldn’t escape it if you tried. There is a never ending flood of commercials, elevator music, MP3s, car stereos, movie trailers, etc. Because of the insane availability of virtually free music, sadly, our personal standards have dropped. I know this because the most common reaction I hear to new records, new concerts, and new artists are:

1. It was alright.
2. It was pretty good.

Alright? Pretty good? I get the awful feeling that “good music” these days means, “Well, it doesn’t irritate me when it comes on my iPod Shuffle.”

C’mon, people! Are we really going to let the magic of music slip away from us simply because of supply and demand laws?

Music is not about “ser.” Music is about “hacer.” Know what I’m sayin’?

I would like to suggest and implement a new rule about personal music criticism. If your comments on music start with “It was…,” or “It is…,” well then, that music sucks and you don’t even really like it. Stop listening to it. It’s a harsh pass/fail system, but we need it to get our sanity back.

If we are to save good music, here is how we must respond when someone asks, “How is that record/concert/song?”

It makes me cry!
It makes me laugh!
It makes me sing!
It makes me dance!
It makes me think about my first crush.
It makes me think about my worst heartbreak.
It makes me want to call my mother.
It makes me want to go back to school.
It makes me exercise.
It makes me relax.
It makes me giggle.
It makes me horny.
It makes me high.
It makes me love my girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband/children more.
It makes me pray.

If a piece of music does not reach through the speakers, slap you on the face, and make your soul/body/mind respond, then you need to move on to something better. And, yes, this goes for Southpaw Jones music, too…

And Another Thing…
More verbosity with velocity and viscosity:

Upcoming shows! Austin, Georgetown, Dallas! Hark!

Wednesday, January 31st, 2007
8:00 PM
Matt the Electrician & Southpaw Jones
Cafe Mundi
1704 E. 5th St
Austin, TX
512-236-8634
www.cafemundi.com

Thursday, February 1st, 2007
7:30 PM
George Harrison Tribute
Cactus Cafe
SW Corner of Texas Union, UT Campus
Austin, TX
512.475.6515
www.utexas.edu/student/txunion/ae/cactus/index.php?cactus=current
Performing “Piggies” at some point during the event.

Friday, February 2nd, 2007
8:00 PM
Matt the Electrician & Southpaw Jones
Southwestern University
1001 East University Ave.
Georgetown, TX 78627
512.863.1862

Saturday, February 3rd, 2007
8:00 PM
Matt the Electrician & Southpaw Jones
Bend Studio
5014 McKinney Ave.
Dallas, TX 75205
214.841.9642
www.bendstudio.com
Doors 7:30pm, Show 8:00pm.

Online Museum of the Week
Chema Madoz Photography:

Quotopia
Freshly-picked quotes from the ol’ reference collection:
Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.
Brooke Shields

Plumb, Plumber, Plumbest
Signs o’ the times from Austin’s singing Jewish plumber, Herman Bennett:

Thank you, come again!
www.southpawjones.com
www.southpawjones.net
www.myspace.com/southpawjones
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2007 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.

Southpaw Jones presents
Is This Interesting?
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:

Philosophy Blur

Some folks believe that there is a great story written for them.

Some folks believe that they must write their own story.

Some folks believe that there is no story and no meaning.

Some folks believe in a choose-your-own adventure motif, wherein choices are limited but always interesting.

Some folks use fancy bookmarks of ribbon and brass to hold their place. Others use gum and twine.

Some folks believe that paper-cuts are evolutionary predecessors to gills. Oh, how the Deep calls me!

Some folks believe that the illustrations are the most important part.

Some folks have to actually do some work work today. See you tomorrow!

Bill Passalacqua presents
I am not a smoker…
One man’s reasons for not lighting up in ‘07:

because I am about to drive 4000 miles with two non-smokers over the course of 5 weeks and I don’t want to be the one holding up progress standing outside of a Pump and Munch in Iowa’s version of February, and then getting back into the van sharing the stench of an ashtray.
So far I have saved $130.50.
Jan. 29th, 2007

…because it just makes everything a little bit harder.
So far I have saved $135.

Southpaw Jones presents
Online Museum of the Week
The Chema Madoz Photography:

Tom Lamb presents
Heard at a Hoedown
3 funniest things I’ve heard hillbilly’s say when trying to instigate a fight:

- If you’re skeered (scared) say your skeered (scared), cause I ain’t skeered (scared)!!! (x10)

- Don’t make me pop trunk!!! (x10)

- If you’re feelin froggy, JUMP!!! (x10)

Herman Bennett presents
Plumb, Plumber, Plumbest
Signs of the times from Austin’s singing Jewish plumber:

Thank you, come again!
www.southpawjones.com
www.southpawjones.net
www.myspace.com/southpawjones
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2007 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.

Southpaw Jones presents
Is This Interesting?
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:

Last night, I dreamed I flew to Japan with a girl who played fiddle and didn’t think too much of me. We stayed in a village on some oceanside cliffs, waiting for a boat to come take us into the city. Now it’s Monday morning, and I wish I was back on those cliffs again, wet and cold, waiting and wondering.

The weekend wasn’t bad. Dance Carousel on Friday was quite a treat, and my girl Maggie made quite an impression with her black dress, black wig, and Spank Dance cohorts. Saturday, I celebrated the birthday of my friend Zach, and Sunday, I celebrated the birthday of my friend Tiffani. Lots of food and drink and glasses to clink.

But it’s Monday now, so let’s tally up the mileage on the ol’ Southpaw Jones 2007 Excursion Des Pieds:

Here’s the rundown of the action so far…
Week 1: 30 miles to Taylor, Texas
Week 2: 27 miles to Rockdale, Texas
Week 3: 20.7 miles to Caldwell, Texas
And now, Week 4: 22.3 miles to…

BRYAN/COLLEGE STATION!

That’s a total of 100 miles I’ve worn off my New Balance shoes via treadmill and trail this month, and I have to admit it feels pretty good. This is the first decent-sized town I’ve come to on my virtual tour, the home, you know, of Texas A&M University. I think I’ll eat some steak, go muddin’, and vote Republican while I’m here.

Have you ever heard of the Beetle Lady? She makes books and studies bugs in Michigan, but for some reason, she once crayonically expressed the following regarding College Station:

Bill Passalacqua presents
I am not a smoker…
One man’s reasons for not lighting up in ‘07:

…because smoking stinks.
So far I have saved $$$$
Jan. 27th, 2007

…because my grandpa had ephysema.
So far I have saved $126. (28 days@$4.50/pack)
Jan. 28th, 2007 (4 weeks!)

Southpaw Jones presents
Online Museum of the Week
Chema Madoz Photography:

Michael Laser presents
dont B a h8r
A list of quick text messages for the not-so-young generation:

Excerpts from an latimes.com article, December 25, 2006. MICHAEL LASER is the author of the novel “Dark & Light: A Love Story.”

BELATEDLY, I’VE LEARNED that LOL means Laughing Out Loud, and POS means Parent Over Shoulder (i.e., change the subject, fast). Young people invented this shorthand for e-mail and instant messaging, and you can hear their attitudes and concerns in it — for example, DYHABF (Do You Have A Boyfriend?), W/E (Whatever) and UW (You Wish).

I haven’t been 20 for a long time now, and my thoughts don’t always lend themselves to electronic communication; but they’re common enough to deserve concise acronyms of their own. So feel free to use any of these abbreviations as needed:

Old friends

EBYATT2: I’m E-mailing Because You’re Annoying To Talk To

AHSR-SOOP: At High School Reunion, Saw Only Old People

GOFAM: Googling Old Friends After Midnight

Herman Bennett presents
Plumb, Plumber, Plumbest
Signs of the times from Austin’s singing Jewish plumber:

Thank you, come again!
www.southpawjones.com
www.southpawjones.net
www.myspace.com/southpawjones
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2007 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.

Southpaw Jones presents
Is This Interesting?
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:

That’s right, we all made it to Friday. I tell ya, a five-day week after a two-day frozen week is nothing to sneeze at. Tonight, I’m gonna celebrate with some dance!

Several of my friends (and my one most special-est friend Maggie) are performing in Dance Carousel beginning tonight at the Blue Theatre, located at 916 Springdale, 78702. 40 dances in 40 minutes for fine arts coinoisseurs with a short attention spans like me! Tonight’s show is sold out, but here’s some info for the remaining two performances:
Saturday, Feb 3 @ 2:15
Sunday, Feb. 4 @9:15

Reservations are strongly suggested. Call 479-7529 to reserve your tickets.
Find out all you need to know at http://spankdance.com!

Also, I’d like to share a list with you via The Telegraph via Nothing to Do With Arbroath:

Top 10 Most Objectionable Noises

1. Vomiting
2. Microphone feedback
3. Wailing babies
4. Train scraping on tracks
5. Squeaky seesaw
6. Poorly played violin
7. Whoopee cushion
8. Argument in a soap opera
9. Mains hum
10. Tasmanian devil

This is important stuff for a songwriter to study, since I’m aiming to create the exact opposites. Read all about it, then you can actually hear the sounds!

See you Monday…

Bill Passalacqua presents
I am not a smoker…
One man’s reasons for not lighting up in ‘07:

…because I have so many friends who would be sad if I killed myself with cigarettes.

So far I have saved a lot of money by not smoking.

Jan. 25, 2007

Southpaw Jones presents
Online Museum of the Week
The World’s Stupidest Tattoos:

Michael Laser presents
dont B a h8r
A list of quick text messages for the not-so-young generation:

Excerpts from an latimes.com article, December 25, 2006. MICHAEL LASER is the author of the novel “Dark & Light: A Love Story.”

BELATEDLY, I’VE LEARNED that LOL means Laughing Out Loud, and POS means Parent Over Shoulder (i.e., change the subject, fast). Young people invented this shorthand for e-mail and instant messaging, and you can hear their attitudes and concerns in it — for example, DYHABF (Do You Have A Boyfriend?), W/E (Whatever) and UW (You Wish).

I haven’t been 20 for a long time now, and my thoughts don’t always lend themselves to electronic communication; but they’re common enough to deserve concise acronyms of their own. So feel free to use any of these abbreviations as needed:

Exercise

YGONTRTAFAM: Young Guy On Next Treadmill Running Twice As Fast As Me

HHDD: Hope He Drops Dead

PSY/NMI: Played Softball Yesterday, Need More Ibuprofen

NTFS/BO: NordicTrac For Sale (Best Offer)

Southpaw Jones presents
Fool Around Friday
Silly games for silly times:

A little harp action to kick of your weekend:

Thank you, come again!
www.southpawjones.com
www.southpawjones.net
www.myspace.com/southpawjones
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2007 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.

Southpaw Jones presents
Is This Interesting?
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:

Good morning. We had a great night at Café Mundi last night, thanks to everyone who came out. Even with the expanded interior, we’re still having to pull in extra chairs, and that makes me happy. “One happy squaw in wigmam…happy as mongoose.”

It felt good to come out of the slow-to-read closet yesterday. Thanks to Molly and Bill for some excellent recommendations. I love me some comments! In the real world, though, I got a whiff of the old-fashioned bias that exists against under-achieving bookworms. The truth is, I’m turning thirty in 2.5 months, and I’ve got nothing to prove to anyone. The richness of my grey matter is a major source of pride for me, and reading entire tomes is merely ONE of the THOUSANDS of ways to take in information in this life. ‘Nuff said? No, not quite.

More thoughts on books/reading:

Since the age of 14, I’ve been working hard to become the Ultimate Songwriting Machine, and that’s one of the reasons that elaboration, length, and minutia turn me off like an asymmetric blouse over a Hanna-Barbera tattoo.

“Brevity is the soul of wit.” Thank you, Willie Shakes! But brevity is so much more than that. The New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy says of the proverb, “Intelligent speech and writing should aim at using few words.”

“My world is empty without you, babe.”
Unh! Who among you can better explain heartbreak? Feel the real and reel.

“Jesus wept.”
It’s the shortest verse in the Bible, and it sums up the whole thing!

“I wanna hold your hand.”
It’s an intimate act, hand-holding, and these Liverpudlians want it plus so much more. [It is a well-know historical tidbit that Brits did not start touching each other until 1963.]

I do have three bookshelves in my apartment with quite a wide variety of verbose material. Biographies of Andy Kaufman, Steve Earle, Bruce Springsteen. Way too many books on the music business by people who never had success in the music business. Word play. Marketing. Hypothetical Questions. Pranks. Employer sabotage. Philosophy. I love them, and I hope someday I’ll be struck with an injury or illness so severe that I’ll be forced to read them fully in a softly lit hospital with no TVs or board games. It’s a bit of a goal for me. Fair readers, please come clean my bed sores. But try to keep it down. I’ll be reading.

Before I proceed with the Gazette, which is decidedly not very “Fun Time” so far, I’ll clue you in on a way to score about a dozen crisp, clean, FREE books with ease. Are you ready? Drum roll? Cymbal crash! Tell your Christian and Atheist friends that you’re questioning your faith. Ooo, chile! I tell you what. The commentaries will start pouring in, as the disparate sides try to win you over. It’s the religious equivalent of “take two of these and call me in the morning.” Give it a shot!

Southpaw Jones presents
And Another Thing…
More verbosity with velocity and viscosity:

This guy over at Defective Yeti is challenging folks to replace current cliches with fresh ones. He calls it the Cliche Rotation Project, and I submitted the following suggestions:

Opposites attract : Haters love
Still waters run deep : The calm breeze traverses many lands
Every man has his price : The green makes ‘em lean
Sleep with the fishes : Flirt with the dirt
Right up your alley : Just the what not for your gut knot

Southpaw Jones presents
Online Museum of the Week
The World’s Stupidest Tattoos:

Bill Passalacqua presents
I am not a smoker…
One man’s reasons for not lighting up in ‘07:

…because my dad says so (and he’s standing over my shoulder).

So far I have saved $108.

Jan. 24, 2007

Michael Laser presents
dont B a h8r
A list of quick text messages for the not-so-young generation:

Excerpts from an latimes.com article, December 25, 2006. MICHAEL LASER is the author of the novel “Dark & Light: A Love Story.”

BELATEDLY, I’VE LEARNED that LOL means Laughing Out Loud, and POS means Parent Over Shoulder (i.e., change the subject, fast). Young people invented this shorthand for e-mail and instant messaging, and you can hear their attitudes and concerns in it — for example, DYHABF (Do You Have A Boyfriend?), W/E (Whatever) and UW (You Wish).

I haven’t been 20 for a long time now, and my thoughts don’t always lend themselves to electronic communication; but they’re common enough to deserve concise acronyms of their own. So feel free to use any of these abbreviations as needed:

SHBASH: Should Have Bought a Smaller House

SHSLY ({circ}M): Should Have Sold Last Year (at Top of the Market)

NNRB: Need New Roof, Boiler

MIRPAA: Must I Really Paint Again, Already?

Thank you, come again!
www.southpawjones.com
www.southpawjones.net
www.myspace.com/southpawjones
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2007 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.