Southpaw Jones

Southpaw Jones presents
Is This Interesting?
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:

Good morning, friends! Thank you for carrying your memories and bookmarks of southpawjones.net over the chasm and into the New Year. I hope your holidays were stuffed like a Chinese train with goodness and warmth.

I celebrated Christmas twice on its Eve and twice again on its Day. My ladyfriend and I traded family time, which made for a great deal of Houston-exploration, new faces, and yummy food. I did score many old-man gifts, including socks, nuts, a nutcracker (the package of which boasts a tendency to leave “nut meat” undamaged), a calendar of NYT crosswords, and a multi-functional grooming kit. Hint: I’m going to need some sock garters for all these new socks, and my b-day is in April.

My mother got me two Faded Glory sweaters, which I believe she purchased at Wal-Mart, despite my months of preaching and the fact that my grandparents were recently mugged in a WM parking lot. Oh, well. Regardless of where they were purchased and how soft they are, I just have misgivings about turning 30 and wearing something with the words “Faded Glory” on the tag. Here are some other brand names I’d like to suggest, since we’re all going crazy:

1. Haz Ben
2. Craggly Ware
3. Once Great
4. Shrink Age Clothing
5. Burnt Out Sienna
6. Sticka Forkin
7. Past Prime
8. Garth Brooks Activewear
9. Yawn & Stretch for Men
10. Down For the Thread Count

Alrighty, now I’m waking up. I am working at American Money Team this morning, even though the nation is supposed to be mourning President Gerald Ford. They’ve instructed us to work “sadly” and enter data “reverently.” Will do, AMT, will do. I don’t know much about Ford. He left office just before I was born, he was a steady, normal dude, and legend has it he was the first man to hear the now-common phrase, “beg your pardon.” Rest in peace, Mr. President. 2007 begins without you, without James Brown, and without Saddam Hussein. It’s time for the next generation of policy wonks, soul men, and tyrants. Thank god Mr. Bill Clinton can carry all three torches for the time being.

Southpaw Jones presents
Two (2) Pathetic Things
Humility is our only hope:
1] celebration
2] normalcy

Southpaw Jones presents
Online Museum of the Week
Doorbell Instructions:

Southpaw Jones presents
If I Had a Million Dollars
Unnecessary products that inexplicably tempt me:

Joujou, the rated R lollipop, of course!
$4.50

Southpaw Jones presents
Quotopia
Freshly-picked quotes from the ol’ reference collection:
An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
Bill Vaughan

Thank you, come again!



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