Southpaw Jones

Southpaw Jones presents
Is This Interesting?
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:

Day 2 of the Great Ice Storm of 2007.

You’re a young year, but potent, ’07.

Double-0 7.

Cabin fever setting in. Haven’t left the apartment since Monday night. Well, I took my recycling out, but I kept my eyes closed and wore a body condom, so it doesn’t count.

Watched my DVD copy of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind yesterday. Excellent cold weather movie. We struggle for reason and ease, trying to recreate that put-the-cylinder-in-the-circle-hole elementary school challenge with our lives, when many times, the most illogical decision is the best, the most fun, the only decision to make.

I took a bath with myself and a pint of Guinness. When, oh when, would I have found the time and craziness to do that without you, Ice Storm?

I dropped a new light bulb on my bathroom floor and found a sliver of it in my foot hours later. My blood looks good…I must be eating right. I walked around like John McClane until I grew faint.

Don’t know how long my supplies will last here. I’ve got 18 cans of tuna, thanks to Costco, but I’ve no bread, and my youngest refuses to go to the store. “Start walking, Coos-Coos,” I say, “You have the most body fat in the whole family, and you do such good math upon reaching the cashier. Get Daddy some almonds, boy!” But he just sits there, sucking on his pacifier, which, by this point, is looking tasty as a twice-baked potato in the Golden Corral they call heaven.

Send a helicopter for us, dear Internet. Bring a loaf of 7-grain and Jennifer Love Hewitt, please.

Bill Passalacqua presents
I am not a smoker…
One man’s reasons for not lighting up in ‘07:

…because according to David Wortman, his term life insurance policy costs that costs $114 per month would cost $540 if he was a smoker!
So far I have saved $76.50
Jan. 17, 2007

Southpaw Jones presents
Online Museum of the Week
Presidential Doodles:

Richard Nixon

Southpaw Jones presents
Quotopia
Freshly-picked quotes from the ol’ reference collection:

Ice-cream is exquisite - what a pity it isn’t illegal.
Voltaire

Southpaw Jones presents
Do it With Style
Fun words to say while belching, stretching, or answering the phone:
STORMDRAIN
FLINCH
CORDIAL
SOLARIUM
WICHITA

Thank you, come again!
www.southpawjones.net
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2007 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.

Southpaw Jones presents
Is This Interesting?
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:

Good morning! Sorry I’m running late today. It’s cold, wet, and nasty in Austin this morning, so American Money Team is shut down for the day. I did the natural thing and slept in with a big smile on my face. I had a great three-day weekend starting with a fun show with Matt the Electrician in Huntsville. Saturday featured the final Sinus Show at the Alamo Drafthouse, in which they skewered Die Hard. ‘Twas a fine Austin institution, the Sinus Show, and it was special to be there for the last episode. On Sunday, Maggie and I had some lovely, spicy Thai food, and watched the John Sayles film, Limbo. Monday was all about playing Mario Golf, and now it’s Tuesday morning.

Let’s catch up on the Southpaw Jones 2007 Excursion Des Pieds! As you may recall, last week, I started taking the miles I ran/walked on treadmill/trail, and sending my virtual self out of town with them. My first stop out of Austin was Taylor, Texas, and now I’ve earned 27 fresh miles, bringing me to rest in Rockdale!

Here’s the bridge that I ran across on County Road 428! Rockdale is located on the intersection of U.S. Highways 77 and 79 and has an official population of 5,643. They’ve got 17 doctors for your bod, 33 churches for your soul, and 2 museums (under construction) for your brain. Thanks for the virtual hospitality, Rockdale!

Bill Passalacqua presents
I am not a smoker…
One man’s reasons for not lighting up in ‘07:

…because I don’t want to be the guy who stops at the top of the stairs to rest.
So far I’ve saved $58.50
Jan. 13, 2007

…because it’s freezing cold outside and that’s the only place a person should smoke.
So far I’ve saved $63
Jan. 14, 2007

…because after 2 weeks of not smoking, I have already started to forget that “it’s time to have a cigarette.”
So far I have saved $67.50
Jan. 15, 2007

Southpaw Jones presents
Online Museum of the Week
Presidential Doodles:

Franklin D. Roosevelt

Southpaw Jones presents
Quotopia
Freshly-picked quotes from the ol’ reference collection:

Then come the wild weather, come sleet or come snow, we will stand by each other, however it blow.
Simon Dach

Southpaw Jones presents
If I Had a Million Dollars
Unnecessary products that inexplicably tempt me:

Fish ‘n Flush!
$299.00
Thanks to David B. for sharing!

Thank you, come again!
www.southpawjones.net
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2007 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.

The regular Southpaw Jones Fun Time Gazette will return tomorrow. Today belongs to MLK Jr., the greatest Christian liberal in the history of our nation. Thank you for teaching us the meaning of civilization, Dr. King.

“A nation or civilization that continues to produce soft-minded men purchases its own spiritual death on the installment plan.”

“We must concentrate not merely on the negative expulsion of war but the postive affirmation of peace.”

Southpaw Jones presents
Is This Interesting?
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:

Folks seemed to enjoy my list of 63 Reasons that 63 Birds Died in downtown Austin on Monday. Here now, is the complete collection for convenience. Feel free to copy, paste, forward, post, and share with anyone and everyone. Southpawjones.net! Happy Friday!

1. Hollow bones
2. Loneliness
3. Interest Rates
4. Broke Beak Fountain
5. Cancellation of “The OC”
6. Something powerful pressing down
7. Grackle beats sparrow
8. Dreams of providing quills for period films
9. Sparrow beats pigeon
10. Paperwork
11. Oleo
12. Being too graceful for this world
13. Pigeon beats grackle
14. All that incessant flapping
15. Late Fees
16. Introspection
17. “I ran out of songs to sing.”
18. Watched Saddam die, all of life’s goals fulfilled
19. Tryptophan
20. Extreme peckishness
21. Vicious feather mites
22. A big orange cat named Franklin
23. Just jumping on the big bandwagon of bird death
24. A bloody coo
25. Brown paper packages tied up with string
26. Nutella
27. Whiskers on kittens
28. Arranged marriage
29. Early morning power line knife fight. “No one calls me a chicken.”
30. Voluntary marriage
31. Nightingale Syndrome
32. A big ol’ case of the blahs, alright? Are you happy? Just let me be a dead bird, jerk face!
33. Downtown parking
34. A flibbertijibbet!
35. Never gonna beat that dang early bird
36. A will-o’-the wisp!
37. Started to fall, forgot about wings, it happens to the best of us
38. A very disappointed inner chick
39. A clown!
40. Pining for the fjords
41. Diet consisting entirely of breakfast taco leftovers
42. A beak outlook
43. “Just trying something new.”
44. Irrelevance
45. Couldn’t go on living without my 62 best friends
46. 2007 “just didn’t feel right”
47. Two more years of you-know-who
48. Pop rocks in gizzard
49. Reached last page in journal, quite done, you see
50. The disease that will soon wipe out all life on Earth
51. Never gonna catch that Jean Valjean
52. Toxic breast implants
53. An intense desire to “freak people out”
54. Didn’t fear the reaper, should’ve feared the reaper
55. Pre-dawn, walleyed drunk, it’s hard to tell the ground from the sky
56. Despite slammin’ audition, didn’t make it into “Winged Migration.”
57. Domino effect
58. Butterfly effect
59. Bird defect
60. Lost nest egg due to corporate corruption
61. Failed attempt to change name from “Grackle” to “Mega-Rad Falcon of the Café Scene”
62. Peaked in high school
63. It was Monday morning. ‘Nuff said.

Southpaw Jones presents
Fool Around Friday
Silly games for silly times:

I found this odd little diversion here. Move him around if he gets stuck! It’s bound to happen…

Southpaw Jones presents
Online Museum of the Week
Quotation Mark Abuse!:

Bill Passalacqua presents
I am not a smoker…
One man’s reasons for not lighting up in ‘07:
…because I’m tired of looking at every freckle and bump on my body and wondering if it’s cancer.
So far I’ve saved $54 (12 days at $4.50/pk)
Jan. 12, 2007

Southpaw Jones presents
Paw Prints
Pics of Southpaw, his environ, and his interweb:

Thank you, come again!



www.southpawjones.com
www.southpawjones.net
www.myspace.com/southpawjones
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2007 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.

Southpaw Jones presents
Is This Interesting?
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:

Remember what happened on Monday? Here are the remaining causes of 63 bird deaths in downtown Austin:

33. Downtown parking
34. A flibbertijibbet!
35. Never gonna beat that dang early bird
36. A will-o’-the wisp!
37. Started to fall, forgot about wings, it happens to the best of us
38. A very disappointed inner chick
39. A clown!
40. Pining for the fjords
41. Diet consisting entirely of breakfast taco leftovers
42. A beak outlook
43. “Just trying something new.”
44. Irrelevance
45. Couldn’t go on living without my 62 best friends
46. 2007 “just didn’t feel right”
47. Two more years of you-know-who
48. Pop rocks in gizzard
49. Reached last page in journal, quite done, you see
50. The disease that will soon wipe out all life on Earth
51. Never gonna catch that Jean Valjean
52. Toxic breast implants
53. An intense desire to “freak people out”
54. Didn’t fear the reaper, should’ve feared the reaper
55. Pre-dawn, walleyed drunk, it’s hard to tell the ground from the sky
56. Despite slammin’ audition, didn’t make it into “Winged Migration.”
57. Domino effect
58. Butterfly effect
59. Bird defect
60. Lost nest egg due to corporate corruption
61. Failed attempt to change name from “Grackle” to “Mega-Rad Falcon of the Café Scene”
62. Peaked in high school
63. It was Monday morning. ‘Nuff said.

Bill Passalacqua presents
I am not a smoker…
One man’s reasons for not lighting up in ‘07:
…because when I see someone smoking I wonder why they would do that to themselves.
I have saved $49.50 (11 days @ $4.50/pk)
Jan. 11th, 2007

Southpaw Jones presents
Online Museum of the Week
Quotation Mark Abuse!:

Southpaw Jones presents
Poetry that Rhymes
And flows. And builds a bridge. And inspires:
One bird falls
One bird follows
Some are pigeons
Some are swallows
Some are grackles
Rest their souls
They died to protest
Paying tolls

Southpaw Jones presents
Quotopia
Freshly-picked quotes from the ol’ reference collection:
Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature,
nor do the children of men as a whole experience it.
Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure.
Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.
To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits
in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.
Helen Keller

Thank you, come again!



www.southpawjones.com
www.southpawjones.net
www.myspace.com/southpawjones
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2007 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.