Southpaw Jones

Southpaw Jones presents
Is This Interesting?
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:

This message is going out to my Texas list today. Sorry if you’re seeing it twice.

January is one-third finished, my friends. 2008 will be here in a flash, and that’s the year I’m really gonna try to put my resolutions into practice. This year was just a virtual run, you know. Let me take a moment to look at the days and weeks ahead before they plummet into the abyss of “back then.”

Tonight, Matt the Electrician and I will return to our weekly home, only to find it changed for the better. Café Mundi recently expanded their interior, and I’m excited to see the new space and fill it with acoustic sirloin.

Wednesday, January 10th
8:00 PM
Cafe Mundi
1704 E. 5th St.
Austin, TX
512-236-8634
” title=”http://www.bookpeople.com” target=”_blank”>www.bookpeople.com

Friday, Matt and I will head out-of-town to perform for the first time in Huntsville! My old pal Ben Bell is running the Stardust Room there, and we’re gonna give it a shot. Should be a fun night, so please alert any folks you know in that area.

Friday, January 12th
10:00 PM
Matt the Electrician & Southpaw Jones
Stardust Room
1115 University Ave., Downtown Huntsville Square
Huntsville, TX 77340
936.730.8400

Next Monday, I’ll perform “Piggies” as part of the 3rd Annual George Harrison Tribute here in Austin. We all had a great time last year, and I suspect this year will be even better. Come on out and celebrate the life and music of “The Quiet One.”

Monday, January 15th
7:30 PM
3rd Annual George Harrison Tribute
Cactus Cafe
SW Corner of Texas Union, UT Campus
Austin, TX
512.475.6515
” title=”http://www.bendstudio.com” target=”_blank”>www.bendstudio.com

The long-awaited Matt the Electrician and Southpaw Jones live CD is coming sooner than later friends, and I’m excited to get it to your ears. Stay warm out there, be true to your school, and thanks for keeping up!

Southpaw Jones presents
Lazy Links
Something more interesting than I can offer at the moment:
What Does 200 Calories Look Like?

Southpaw Jones presents
Online Museum of the Week
Quotation Mark Abuse!:

Bill Passalacqua presents
I am not a smoker…
One man’s reasons for not lighting up in ‘07:
…because I like to sing and smoking hurts my voice.
So far I have saved $40.50 (9 days @ $4.50/pack)
Jan. 9, 2007

…because I want my circulatory system to have every possible advantage as I slip into my forties.
So far I have save $45 (10 days @ $4.50/pk)
Jan. 10, 2007

Southpaw Jones presents
Quotopia
Freshly-picked quotes from the ol’ reference collection:
To be bowed by grief is folly; Naught is gained by melancholy; Better than the pain of thinking, Is to steep the sense in drinking.
Alcaeus

Thank you, come again!



www.southpawjones.com
www.southpawjones.net
www.myspace.com/southpawjones
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2007 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.

Southpaw Jones presents
Is This Interesting?
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:

Pigeons, grackles, and sparrows, oh, my! Mystery still surrounds the deaths of 63 birds downtown yesterday. Some of the corpses went to Ames, Iowa, and Texas A&M University for dissection and study, while officials maintain that there is no risk to human life. That’s the end of the accepted news story.

But they don’t tell you the strangest part, simply because they don’t know. We here at The Southpaw Jones Fun Time Gazette, thanks to a source deep inside the investigation, have learned that all 63 birds died of separate, individual causes. That’s right, folks, it was just a coincidence. Our source has provided us with the cause of death for 32 of the birds this morning, and he/she promises the remaining 31 later this week. Without further adieu, here they are:

1. Hollow bones
2. Loneliness
3. Interest Rates
4. Broke Beak Fountain
5. Cancellation of “The OC”
6. Something powerful pressing down
7. Grackle beats sparrow
8. Dreams of providing quills for period films
9. Sparrow beats pigeon
10. Paperwork
11. Oleo
12. Being too graceful for this world
13. Pigeon beats grackle
14. All that incessant flapping
15. Late Fees
16. Introspection

Southpaw Jones presents
And Another Thing…
More verbosity with velocity and viscosity:

17. “I ran out of songs to sing.”
18. Watched Saddam die, all of life’s goals fulfilled
19. Tryptophan
20. Extreme peckishness
21. Vicious feather mites
22. A big orange cat named Franklin
23. Just jumping on the big bandwagon of bird death
24. A bloody coo
25. Brown paper packages tied up with string
26. Nutella
27. Whiskers on kittens
28. Arranged marriage
29. Early morning power line knife fight. “No one calls me a chicken.”
30. Voluntary marriage
31. Nightingale Syndrome
32. A big ol’ case of the blahs, alright? Are you happy? Just let me be a dead bird, jerk face!

Rest in peace, three little [types of] birds.

Southpaw Jones presents
Online Museum of the Week
Quotation Mark Abuse!:

Southpaw Jones presents
Rhyme Time!
One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

A slimmed-down passerine bird.
Highlight here for answer: [narrow sparrow]

Southpaw Jones presents
Quotopia
Freshly-picked quotes from the ol’ reference collection:
It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.
Muhammad Ali

Thank you, come again!



www.southpawjones.com
www.southpawjones.net
www.myspace.com/southpawjones
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2007 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.

Southpaw Jones presents
Is This Interesting?
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:

Dozens of birds are mysteriously dead on Congress Ave. in Austin this morning. The street is closed, and workers have been asked to stay home until noon. Note to self: Bring BB gun to office tomorrow; sleep in on Wednesday. Seriously, though, it is a little scary. Let’s hope this isn’t our canary in the coal mine.

Happy Monday, folks, and thanks for returning to southpawjones.net. Today, I’m launching something new. Like most folks, I’m trying to be more active in 2007, trying to exercise regularly, trying to make sure there’s less Southpaw to love. Since last Tuesday, thanks to a treadmill at the office, Gold’s Gym, and the Town Lake Hike & Bike Trail, I’ve run/walked 30 miles! That, my friends, is something I’ve never done in the span of 6 days.

I do five miles at a time, not pushing too hard, just trying to get it done in under an hour. Since I’m hoping to make this a habit, I decided to make a little game out of the whole thing. It’s called the Southpaw Jones 2007 Excursion Des Pieds! The idea is this: I’ll take the miles I’ve traveled locally, add them up, and start heading out of town with them. Virtually, of course. Take last week, for instance. I earned 30 miles on treadmill and trail, and since I’m on foot, I can use those miles as the crow flies. That brings me as far as Taylor, Texas!

Welcome to Taylor, Southpaw! Thanks, Southpaw! How many folks live here? Oh, about 15,000. Taylor hosts the intersection of the Missouri Pacific and the Missouri, Kansas and Texas railroad lines. Yee-haw! I think I’ll hunker down here ’till next week.

Bill Passalacqua presents
I am not a smoker…
One man’s reasons for not lighting up in ‘07:

…because I don’t want to smell like an ashtray.
Jan. 4th, 2007

…because I have burnt enough holes in enough furniture and upholstery for a lifetime.
I have saved $36 so far by not smoking (8 days at $4.50/pack)
Jan. 8, 2007

Southpaw Jones presents
Online Museum of the Week
Quotation Mark Abuse!:

Southpaw Jones presents
Quotopia
Freshly-picked quotes from the ol’ reference collection:
People forget the feeling of having to go to school on Monday and take a test in physics that you don’t understand at all.
Molly Ringwald

Southpaw Jones presents
If I Had a Million Dollars
Unnecessary products that inexplicably tempt me:

Coffee Maker with Weather Forecast
$199.99

Thank you, come again!



www.southpawjones.com
www.southpawjones.net
www.myspace.com/southpawjones
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2007 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.

Southpaw Jones presents
Is This Interesting?
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:

Wow, Christmas really does cast a spell, doesn’t it? I had some egg nog on December 22, and I distinctly remember enjoying it. But I have this problem throwing away food, so I tried to finish off the half-gallon last night, and it was just an awful experience. A pox upon the nog until the magic of late December!

In other beverage news, I just can’t do skim milk. I gave it a good college try. I’m trying to be healthier in the new year, but 1% is as low as I can go. Skim is like ghost milk. “Ooooo…in life, I bore the shackles of welcoming, white opaqueness, but now I wallow in smoky hues of gray! Fear me, mortal, and drink no more from my translucent bounty!” Will do ghost milk, will do.

Anyspore, I know The Southpaw Jones Fun Time Gazette probably shouldn’t become a cheap commercial for my musical endeavors, but today, I’d like to celebrate my 2006 CD release, Bedroom Demos Vol. 1: Zero Demand one more time. I just saw this yesterday in the Austin Chronicle:
Texas Top 10s
Jim Caligiuri

1) Dixie Chicks, Taking the Long Way (Sony)
2) Grupo Fantasma, Comes Alive (Aire Sol)
3) Butch Hancock, War and Peace (Two Roads)
4) James Hand, The Truth Will Set You Free (Rounder)
5) Band of Heathens, Live From Momo’s (Fat Caddy)
6) Southpaw Jones, Bedroom Demos Vol. 1: Zero Demand
7) Willie Nelson, You Don’t Know Me: The Songs of Cindy Walker (Lost Highway)
Bruce Robison, Eleven Stories (Sustain)
9) Sir Douglas Quintet, Live From Austin TX (New West)
10) Dale Watson, Whiskey or God (Palo Duro)

Whatdya know about that? On a list of the Texas albums of the year with such fine company as the Dixie Chicks, Bruce Robison, and Mr. Willie Nelson! Not to mention my pals in the Band of Heathens. It is a true honor, and if goofing off in my room is what it takes to earn critical success, I pledge to do more of that very thing.

If you have not picked up a copy of the #6 record of 2006 according to Jim Caligiuri of the Austin Chronicle, by all means, order one from southpawjones.com, CDBaby, or iTunes. Thanks! My name is Southpaw Jones, and I am a Texas artist!

Southpaw Jones presents
And Another Thing…
More verbosity with velocity and viscosity:

Here is Mr. Caligiuri’s original review of the CD from September 9, 2006:
Austin has its share of quirky in all art forms, but when it comes to folksingers, nobody keeps the town weirder than Southpaw Jones. Comparisons to They Might Be Giants, Jonathan Richman, and perhaps Daniel Johnston are apt, yet only Jones writes of pop culture, politics, and that thing called love in a manner that’s painfully clever, clear, and truly laugh-out-loud funny. Equally remarkable is the fact that he’s solely responsible for every note played and all the vocals on Bedroom Demos. While that means a reliance on clunky rhythm machines and the occasional overly naive keyboard track, the chorus of Southpaw’s on “Seersucker Lullaby” and the doo-wop backing on “Man at Home” ranks several wows. By covering topics that encompass self-improvement, X-ray vision, his grandma’s liberal politics, and the memoirs of a sniper’s assistant, the bespectacled lefthander might be a bit overwhelming for those who like their local singer-songwriters in anguish and/or rainbows mode. Bedroom Demos is only Jones’ third album, although he claims to write more than 100 songs a year. Nevertheless, his talent for bold honesty, quick-witted wordplay, and innocent yet ear-catching melodies has grown into a monster that can no longer be ignored.

***

Southpaw Jones presents
Online Museum of the Week
Doorbell Instructions!:

Bill Passalacqua presents
I am not a smoker…
One man’s reasons for not lighting up in ‘07:

…because I’ve got better things to do with $4.50.
Jan. 3rd, 2007

Bill explains, “I am doing this as an experiment as part of my ongoing effort to become a non-smoker. I haven’t smoked since 10 a.m. New Years Day. I thought some others who are trying to quit might enjoy these posts…” Thanks for sharing, Bill!

Southpaw Jones presents
Fool Around Friday
Silly games for silly times:

In Puzzleland, each level presents a different challenge. My advice to you: just start clicking on stuff.

Thank you, come again!



www.southpawjones.com
www.southpawjones.net
www.myspace.com/southpawjones
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2007 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.

Southpaw Jones presents
Poetry that Rhymes
And flows. And builds a bridge. And inspires:

I am small to the mountaintops
Huge to the ants
Slow to start committees
Quick to start rants

I slither in sequins
In some gay man’s dream
I power through paper
In a work-a-day scheme

I’ve known girls who would pre-chew my food
If I asked gently
And girls who wouldn’t take a free meal
If I drove a Bentley

I’ve been licking door knobs to build up my immune system
I’ve been working out with a high-altitude balloon system
Less oxygen up there
Less air to spare
I don’t have a square to spare, I can’t spare a square!

Charles Kuralt says, “”Thanks to the Interstate Highway System,
It is now possible to travel
From coast to coast without seeing anything.”

I wish Mr. Kuralt was more into rhyming.
I don’t like his timing.
I caught his act in South Caroliming.

I saw a girl pick a flower on Malibu’s shore
It was two-toned
When she phoned
I begged her for more
But I don’t connect via land line no more
That power, that flower is dead as a door…

…nail.

Tomorrow’s Friday!

Southpaw Jones presents
If I Had a Million Dollars
Unnecessary products that inexplicably tempt me:

COOL SHOOTERS ICE SHOT GLASS MAKER
$7.99

Bill Passalacqua presents
I am not a smoker…
One man’s reasons for not lighting up in ‘07:

… because I want to be healthy. Jan. 2nd, 2007

Southpaw Jones presents
Online Museum of the Week
Doorbell Instructions!:

Southpaw Jones presents
Quotopia
Freshly-picked quotes from the ol’ reference collection:
Making resolutions is a cleansing ritual of self-assessment and repentance that demands personal honesty and, ultimately, reinforces humility. Breaking them is part of the cycle.

Eric Zorn

Thank you, come again!



www.southpawjones.com
www.southpawjones.net
www.myspace.com/southpawjones
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2007 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.