Southpaw Jones

A chunk of fictional dialogue for YOUR Tuesday:

Man 1: I don’t figure you’ve got a Tylenol in that bag.

Man 2: Errr, nope.

Man 1: Orange? Tangerine? Some type of citrus?

Man 2: No, sirree.

Man 1: Man, I’m about out of guesses. Deli meats?

Man 2: No, you’re just not thinking outside the box, my friend.

Man 1: What? Is it…like…your soul or something?

Man 2: Well, that’s closer, Jimmy, I’m just gonna give it to you.

Jimmy: Thank God, Al! I’m about sick of playing this game.

Al: This bag contains, um…

Jimmy: Go on!

Al: Don’t rush me, J.J., this is not easy!

Jimmy: Not easy? What kind of lunchtime gag is this?

Al: I just wanted to…I thought I’d give you…

Jimmy: Spit it out already!

Al: This here’s a bag of gay love from me to you!

Jimmy: *

Al: I say, it’s a bag of…

Jimmy: I heard you, stupid! Give me a second!

Al: One-thousand-one.

Jimmy: What on earth do you mean, Al?

Al: Well, you know, after what happened…don’t make me rehash the other night…

Jimmy: Trust me, I won’t!

Al: You know, you’ve got Charlene at home…

Jimmy: Watch what you say, old-timer.

Al: Nah, it’s just you’ve got Charlene, and my Winnie is my whole life now that the kids have moved on.

Jimmy: You two are peas in a dang pod.

Al: Right, peas in a pod.

Jimmy: So why are you giving me a sack of hypothetical, homosexual affection here in the middle of the square?

Al: Because it’s hard to talk about. Because I figured there should be some exchange of something so we can leave all this awkwardness in a Kansas City motel room where it belongs!

Jimmy: So I take the bag?

Al: You take the bag.

Jimmy: And that’s it?

Al: That’s it, my friend.

Jimmy: And if Charlene asks about it?

Al: You found it on the side of the road, whatever! What, you never fibbed before?

Jimmy: *

Al: You want this bag, Jimmy?

Jimmy: Gimme the bag, Al.

Al: I knew you’d understand. From me to you, brother, from me to you.

Jimmy: Understood. I just want you to know that I’ve…hey, there’s something in here!

Al: Oh…

Jimmy: Lethal Weapon 2 and Shrek 2!?!?

Al: (Walking away.) Winnie and I’s on a sequel kick, J.J., catchin’ up with our favorite characters. And since Movie Gallery’s on the way to your house…

Jimmy: You sneaky son of a…

Al: They’re a day late, too, if you got a couple bucks…

THE END