Southpaw Jones

Is This Interesting?
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:

I’m here to motivate you. Your boss said you needed motivating. Is that true? Do you need motiation?

OF COURSE YOU DO, WRETCHED SLAG!

Sorry, I’m sorry. Things are not going…smashingly…for me at home right now.

Anyways, what are these papers here? This is what you do all day?

Match these to those?

Oh, those to these?

Ok, how ‘bout this? How ‘bout you correct me one more time and see what happens? See whether you get an open-handed slap or a boot to the gut.

Yeah, steel-toed boots. That’s about the only dress requirement I have. I could come in with nothing on but these steel-toed boots and do my job rather well, thanks.

Come to think of it, these boots are about the only requirement I have, period!

Some silver-coifed old goat upstairs thought it would be “neat” to have a Regional Corporate Motivator.

I was just a heavy-lifter in the mailroom just three years ago. But I stopped people from putting stamps on crooked. I simply would not tolerate anything but perpendicular and parallel. Our reputation grew rapidly after our mail developed some uniform neatness. Big wigs were impressed. So they threw me up on the 6th floor, gave me my boots, and 50,000 dollars a year.

I didn’t resist.

Now, most folks have forgotten we even have a Regional Corporate Motivator. I sit in my office all day, my steel-toed boots resting polished on the desk. I watch my stories. I read true crime books. I whittle. I whistle. I have a grand old time.

UNTIL SOME CHUMP LIKE YOU ANNOYS HIS BOSS INTO LOOKING FOR PRE-FIRING OPTIONS!

OPRAH STARTS IN 3 MINUTES! I’VE GOT NO TIME FOR THIS!

Listen to me. Be a man. If you can’t get your work done, just hide it better. Most folks here throw half their To-Do files in the trash on Friday. Give it a shot.

If I get called down here again, you’re a dead man.

Sign here to indicate renewal of pride and gusto.

Quotopia
Freshly-picked quotes from the ol’ reference collection:

Exhaust the little moment.
Soon it dies.
And be it gash or gold it will not come
Again in this identical guise.
Gwendolyn Brooks

Online Museum of the Week
Cereal Box Archive:

Rhyme Time!
One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

Very fast pick-me-up.
Highlight here for answer: [swift lift]

Thank you, come again!
southpawjones.com
southpawjones.net
myspace.com/southpawjones
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2007 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.

Is This Interesting?
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:

No, I am not a finalist in the Public Radio Talent Quest. You can see the names of the dumb winners and their ugly faces here. I kid. I kid the winners out of love.

I did make it to the Top 100 in the popular vote, which puts me above the 90th percentile, and I have many friends and supporters to thank for that. Thanks for listening and voting! It was fun to fantasize about a career in radio, because I haven’t considered that path in several years. I like the idea of being heard but not seen. Unshaven and smelly, but bright and appreciated.

Can I admit something to you, fair reader? I’m at a strange place in life. I’m thirty years old, I’m moderately talented, and I like to think I have a unique perspective on thangs. (See that? How I misspelled “things”? That’s what I’m talkin’ about!) The idea of touring as a musician - especially unsupported, brokeback touring - is not appealing to me these days. Frankly, I don’t like leaving Austin. I don’t like leaving central Texas.

Gas prices are high. Driving around the country is officially depressing to me. You don’t drive from town to town so much as you drive from shopping center to shopping centre. Best Buy. Bed, Bath & Beyond. Target. Cracker Barrel. Wal-Mart. Linens & Things. Circuit City. CarMax.

Is it Denver or Dallas? Bellaire or Boston? Who knows? Who cares?

So how can I use my abilities and my fragrant personality to stay local and score things like, um, thousands of dollars a year for food and shelter, health insurance, transportation, etc.?

I’ve got a day job now, and I actually don’t mind it most of the time. But I’d rather use my creative self during the day to fund my lazy self at night. Now, I’m using my sleep-walking self during the day to fund my second life as a creative person at night who very often succumbs to my lazy self. Things could be simpler.

The question is this: Should I…

A] Continue to pursue Public Radio by submitting commentaries and producing my own podcasts?

B] Investigate a career in advertising, jingle-writing, theme songs, etc.?

C] Just keep writing and recording song after song until the college kids figure out how cool I am?

D] Keep this blog going stronger and stronger until advertisers pay me to bring them human eyez?!?

E] Surrender to a simple life of office work and urban play? Pour my creativity into raising six children? Work on my figure? Learn how to ski?

This is half-rhetorical, mind you. This question swirls around in my head all day, and it will continue to do so until I choose my new direction. I wish I could try them all simultaneously, but there’s only so many hours in a day, especially when you’ve already worked 8 to 5.

Back to it!

Quotopia
Freshly-picked quotes from the ol’ reference collection:

Miss Piggy and I have a professional acting relationship. I act like a professional, and she acts like we’re having a relationship.
Kermit the Frog

Online Museum of the Week
Cereal Box Archive:

Rhyme Time!
One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

Worn out, well-substantiated explanation.
Highlight here for answer: [weary theory]

Thank you, come again!
southpawjones.com
southpawjones.net
myspace.com/southpawjones
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2007 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.

Is This Interesting?
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:

Ok, I’m back in my routine after a lovely four-day weekend. It’s nice to return and see that I had 739 visitors to the Gazette yesterday. I take a day off, barely updating the thing, and everyone comes by for a look-see. Well, I hope you all visit again today, tomorrow, and beyond. I do get lazy sometimes…it isn’t easy coming up with (or finding) “5 chunks of fun, 5 times a week” – I only have 4 chunks today! - but I sure am more motivated when I know people are checking it out. So thanks, hello, come again.

Tonight, you have the right to be acoustically rocked.
Any tips you bring or food/drink you buy can be used to benefit you in court of karma.
You have the right to bring attorneys, friends, and family members.
If you cannot find a date, songs will be provided for you at show time to sooth your soul.
Do you understand the rights you have just read to yourself?
With these rights in mind, do you wish to see Matt the Electrician and Southpaw Jones perform tonight?
Yes?
Great! You are due to join us at 8 pm.
Sharp!
County Courthouse of Café Mundi.
Testify!

Quotopia
Freshly-picked quotes from the ol’ reference collection:

Babies don’t need a vacation but I still see them at the beach. I’ll go over to them and say, ‘What are you doing here, you’ve never worked a day in your life!’
Steven Wright

Online Museum of the Week
Cereal Box Archive:

Rhyme Time!
One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

Bouquet-seller among the trees.
Highlight here for answer: [forest florist]

Thank you, come again!
southpawjones.com
southpawjones.net
myspace.com/southpawjones
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2007 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.

I gotta take the day off today, my friends. I am simply too full of seafood to compose a decent Gazette. Come on back tomorrow, and feel free to visit The Southpaw Jones Online Store if you have an incomplete collection of Southpaw CDs. Respect!

Is This Interesting?
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:

I’m in a hotel room in Corpus Christi this morning. My lady Maggie is here for a conference, and I decided to be a tag-along. It’s a strange town on the Gulf Coast. Downtown seems a little gray and deserted. But it’s always fun to explore a different Texas region, especially where there’s water and sunshine, so I’m gonna put on my shorts and get out there.

Quotopia
Freshly-picked quotes from the ol’ reference collection:

Well, look at all of these summer blockbusters. You can’t help but laugh a little, because you’ve already seen a lot of these movies 482 times.
Sean Penn

Online Museum of the Week
Cereal Box Archive:

Rhyme Time!
One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

A painful sore on Your Highness.
Highlight here for answer: [royal boil]

Abi Tapia’s America
Our wanderlusty songwriter offers a view from her lens:

Love me some sugar free beef jerky!

Thank you, come again!
southpawjones.com
southpawjones.net
myspace.com/southpawjones
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2007 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.