Southpaw Jones

Archive for August 10th, 2007

Guardians of the Injured Child

August 10, 2007 By: Southpaw Jones Category: Interesting? No Comments →

Is This Interesting?
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:

Happy Friday! I don’t really have anything to write about that fits this light, weekend air. Adult conversations, that’s what’s on my noodle this morning. Serious adult conversations, like the kind between lovers, family members, spouses, or best friends. If good intentions abound, these talks are most often the story of one scared kid trying to find another scared kid in a grown-up’s body.

Such discussions are not easy or fun or often successful, because you can’t just open with “I’m a scared kid in an adult’s body, how ‘bout you?” You have to work your way through defense mechanisms, distrust, and shit-speak that society has pounded into our heads over the decades.

Here are a few characters you may run into on the way to another person’s buried, injured child:

The Condescending Librarian
“Shhh!”
“That is NOT how we look for information here.”
“This is neither the time nor the place.”

The Chilly-Chill Hippie
“Man, why you gotta harsh my mellow?”
“Hey! Relax!”
“Look, the sky is blue, the grass is green, what else do you need to know?”

The Media Fan
“This reminds me of a particularly powerful Hill Street Blues.”
“If you’re serious about this, I could Netflix Big.”
“Speaking of childhood, do you remember 3-2-1 Contact?”

The Popeye’s Chicken Cashier (When You’re Returning an Incorrect Order)
“Oh, no you dit’n!”
“Say what?”
“Do you wanna talk to the manager?”

The Baby Maker
“You are being so sweet right now.”
“I can see my first-born in your probing eyes.”
“Why seek out my figurative inner child, when we could make a literal one instead?”

The Investor
“This is about money, isn’t it?”
“You don’t think I’m a generous tipper, is that it?”
“Let’s just make a budget, and everything will work itself out.”

The Puritan
“Why dost thou trouble my still waters with the winds of worldly chatter?”
“Shush up and pray with me.”
“Inner child? I drowned him during baptism!”

Back-to-You Bob
“I know you’re a scared kid, but what am I?”
“What exactly are you trying to accomplish here?”
“Your blog sucks. Don’t you know how silly you come across?”

Adults are just old children with about one hundred pounds of scar tissue slapped on. Most of our dreams did not come true. We never got to flesh out our most wondrous ideas. We had our hearts broken over and over by squished pets, confused parents, and cruel lovers.

How on earth are we supposed to talk to each other?

Ghost stories! Ooo! Ahh! They represent our fear of death, right? Fear and hatred of our own mortality? Well, that makes perfect sense. But could they not also symbolize the basic unknowable nature of the very living, breathing people around us?

You push far enough into another person, past the fake, past the “real,” and what you find is a frightening mist. Mist, I tell you! Maybe they genuinely want to help you. Maybe they want to love you forever. Maybe they want to move to Alaska. Or maybe they just want a sandwich. Who knows? See “My Dinner with Andre.” See the lyrics to Bruce Springsteen’s “Secret Garden.” Yes, the one from Jerry Maguire. You had me at Friday. See you Monday.

Quotopia
Freshly-picked quotes from the ol’ reference collection:

She’ll lead you down a path
There’ll be tenderness in the air
She’ll let you come just far enough
So you know she’s really there
She’ll look at you and smile
And her eyes will say
She’s got a secret garden
Where everything you want
Where everything you need
Will always stay
A million miles away.
Bruce Springsteen, Secret Garden

Online Museum of the Week
Walking Illusions [For Sale!]:

Rhyme Thyme!
One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

Yes, ma’am, we cleanse, revitalize and massage your eyes and cheeks with a big piece of slow-moving ice. We call it the…
Highlight here for answer: [glacial facial]

Upcoming Show(s)
Where can I see Southpaw in the flesh?

Thursday, August 16th, 2007
8:00 PM
Matt the Electrician & Southpaw Jones
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
Austin, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://www.flipnotics.com
The New Weekly Show!