Southpaw Jones

Is This Interesting?
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:

This is NOT a political blog, but dang it, Humpty Dumpty is gone. Karl Rove may be most responsible for the current state of American politics. The current president. The current war. The current mess. Good-bye is too good a word, babe!

His departure does not bring me the joy I thought it might. I mean, he destroyed the world, now he gets to go on vacation. I actively try to not destroy the world, yet hear I sit in a sterile cubicle on a cloudless day.

This is NOT a pity party blog.

Two Karl Rove stories are stuck in my mind, and they’re both alleged. Wink wink. Nudge nudge. Yeah, right.

The first involves George Bush’s gubernatorial race against the late, great Ann Richards in 1994. SOMEONE had a group of “pollsters” call voters and ask if they would be “more or less likely to vote for Governor Richards if [they] knew her staff is dominated by lesbians.” Hmm. Governor Richards lost. She was immensely popular, and I still can’t believe it.

The second occurred during the 2000 Republican primary. John McCain was doing rather well. Remember him? SOMEONE initiated a South Carolina Push Poll, asking voters, “Would you be more likely or less likely to vote for John McCain for president if you knew he had fathered an illegitimate black child?” Of course, this is a wretched, evil twisting of the fact that McCain and his wife adopted a Bangladeshi girl from Mother Teresa’s orphanage. Her name is Bridget and she has dark skin. WHOEVER included that question in a poll is a piece of trash.

So the question of the day is this: What if Karl Rove were running a campaign against really, really tough historical competition? How low could he go?

Like, say, versus Mother Teresa herself:

“Would you be more likely or less likely to vote for Mother Teresa if you knew she stuffed oatmeal in the mouth of a dying man who hates America?”

Jesus:

“Would you be more likely or less likely to vote for Jesus of Nazereth if you knew he performed terrorist acts against merchants in a Jewish temple?”

Mister Rogers:

“Would you be more likely or less likely to vote for Fred Rogers if you knew that his cardigan was made of hemp?”

The Blessed Virgin Mary:

““Would you be more likely or less likely to vote for Mary if you knew she seduced Our Maker at the age of fourteen?”

They aren’t so far-fetched, are they?

What gets me about Karl Rove is that he thinks he has led a life of public service, strategy, and accomplishment. The truth is, he’s a Grade-A destroyer. I cannot think of one decent memory or anecdote I can attach to his name.

Well, come to think of it, there is the fact that he inadvertently but severely wounded the Republican Party for years to come. I guess every round-faced, pasty, clammy, Machiavellian, pompous, honky cloud has a silver lining.

Quotopia
Freshly-picked quotes from the ol’ reference collection:

This is one of the most intellectually gifted presidents we’ve had.
Karl Rove, on President George W. Bush

Online Museum of the Week
T-Shirts from Lollapalooza 2007:



Rhyme Thyme!
One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

Mr. Rogers! That first cloned sheep is riding that thing that goes to the Neighborhood of Make-Believe! Are you going to rename it the…

Highlight here for answer: [dolly trolley]

Upcoming Show(s)
Where can I see Southpaw in the flesh?

Thursday, August 16th, 2007
8:00 PM
Matt the Electrician & Southpaw Jones
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
Austin, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://www.flipnotics.com
The New Weekly Show!