Southpaw Jones

I know, sometimes it’s fun to talk for the sake of talking, but at least come up with some juicy gossip before you send that pie-hole a’flappin’.

The following verbal ejaculations are obvious. Some are cliché. They only accentuate the torture. Please, if you work with other people, and you care about their comfort, particularly before noon, keep these gems in your gawl-durn gob:

• “Is it five o’clock yet?”
• “Rain makes me tired.”
• “When does the new season of Idol start?”
• “This week is just creeping along, isn’t it?”
• “You look tired.”
• “I love bringing breakfast for you guys, I really do. I just wish someone else would chip in from time to time. We could have a chart with rotating teams…”
• “So you’re a musician on the outside?”
• “Is your Internet slow today?”
• “Is anybody else hot?”
• “Is anybody else cold?”
• “Is anybody else going through an existential crisis?”
• “This mistake doesn’t matter in the long run, and I don’t care personally, but let me show you what you did wrong.”
• “This is the day that the Lord hath made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it.”
• “You wear that shirt a lot.”
• “You’re awful quiet today. Is anything wrong?”
• “Don’t drink the coffee this morning. It’s nasty!”
• “I gotta start running. I am SO fat right now.” [Avoid this especially if you are thinner than your audience.]
• “Our department is so crazy! I love it!”
• “Good morning - what’s your little nickname - Southpaw?”

This public service announcement brought to you by The Southpaw Jones Gazette.

Quotopia
Freshly-picked quotes from the ol’ reference collection:

Never lose sight of the fact that the most important yardstick of your success will be how you treat other people - your family, friends, and coworkers, and even strangers you meet along the way.
Barbara Bush

Online Museum of the Week
T-Shirts from Lollapalooza 2007:



Rhyme Thyme!
One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

I’m afraid Mr. Doodle is in a foul mood this morning. You could call him a…

Highlight here for answer: [cranky Yankee]

Upcoming Show(s)
Where can I see Southpaw in the flesh?

Thursday, August 16th, 2007
8:00 PM
Matt the Electrician & Southpaw Jones
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
Austin, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://www.flipnotics.com
The New Weekly Show!