Southpaw Jones

 Mothers don’t like tattoos, especially if they read “I heart the absurdity of it all.”

 Women in my office love to whisper, even if they’re sharing something completely benign and bland, like the weather or the time.

 Far be it from me…Pluto.

 If you took all the tears I’ve cried for unrequited love, put them in a pot, and boiled all the liquid out, I bet you’d have enough salt to make a casserole so salty that one of your dinner guests would call you the Sodium King and kiss your feet sarcastically.

 I am so emotionally addicted to road rage, if everyone started driving perfectly, I’d be furious.

 Who finds runway models attractive? Not me. Without a model plane and a model control tower and little pilot figurines, they aren’t much fun.

 Did the popularity of Pac-Man lead the collective unconscious to the popularity of Ghostbusters?

 “Door hinge” and “your engine” almost rhyme with “orange.”

 If you don’t mind me asking…don’t feel like you have to answer this…I swear I’m not trying to overstep my bounds…can you let me out of this dungeon?

 Without beauty, distraction, dentistry, stupidity, and sleep, there’d be no drool.

Happy Friday! Come back Monday!

Only sick music makes money today.

Friedrich Nietzsche

The Napkin Drawings by Marty Coleman




One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

Your sled-racing partner may not qualify for the Winter Olympics due to his, um, not being human. How does it feel to slide down a toboggan with a massive feline in tow? Are you afraid of the…

Highlight here for answer: [cougar luger]



Tuesday, September 25th, 2007
8:00 PM
NAKED Calendar Release Party
Hyde Park Theater
Austin, TX
Performing as part of C-Dar Fevar.

Thursday, September 27th, 2007
8:00 PM
Bruce Hughes & Southpaw Jones
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
Austin, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://www.flipnotics.com
The New Weekly Show!

Life is too short to be clothed and not featured in calendars, that’s what I always say. Yes, it’s time again to find me defrocked and dated in Spike Gillespie’s third annual nude-ish calendar. This year, it’s called Still Naked: The 2008 Calendar, and Cedar Fever (a fab, faux boy band of which I am 1/4th) envelops the month of December.

You may recall that I was the December Man in the 2006 Naked Calendar. Well, there’s more skin and grin this year, I promise. I would show you the new picture, but I’m afraid you’ll have to pay $12 for a peek. It’s for a good cause, after all, the ACMAWF (www.acmawf.com), Austin Children of Musicians, Artists and Writers Fund. Do the right thing for your heart and your cubicle wall by ordering a copy HERE.

Or better yet, come on out to the release party Tuesday night at the Hyde Park Theater, where Cedar Fever will perform around 9 pm. We don’t appear publicly too often, and this is the kind of venue where you’ll really be able to analyze our moves and grooves. So do it to it. Pick up a calendar or three and blush along with fellow Austinites who dream of buffer days.

Of course, tonight is another installment of the Flipnotics @ the Triangle show, featuring the legend that is Bruce Hughes. It’s now been four days since ACL…time to fall in love with live music again! Will I be able to finish the overdue “Country Life” in time? Tune in to find out!

I drank because I wanted to drown my sorrows, but now the damned things have learned to swim.
Frida Kahlo

The Napkin Drawings by Marty Coleman




One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

The big fish don’t swim upstream anymore. We don’t know where they went. The bears are all starving up here. You could definitely call this a…

Highlight here for answer: [salmon famine]



Thursday, September 20th, 2007
8:00 PM
Bruce Hughes & Southpaw Jones
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
Austin, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://www.flipnotics.com
The New Weekly Show!

Tuesday, September 25th, 2007
8:00 PM
2008 NAKED Calendar Release Party
Hyde Park Theater
Austin, TX
Performing as part of C-Dar Fevar.

I finally added the NEW CD to the NEW CD STORE!

Matt the Electrician & Southpaw Jones
Playing: Live at Café Mundi

It’s a celebration of the five years we spent performing Wednesday nights at the East Austin hideaway. Without that gig, I don’t even know if I’d live in Austin right now. For the first year, I was commuting from Houston to perform for a handful of local seekers. Nowadays, we’ve moved on up to Thursdays at Flipnotics at the Triangle, which makes me all the more appreciative to have a document of our time at Mundi.

It’s a bit of a “Listener Discretion Advised” CD, ‘cause we’re rough & tumble folk singers and all. If you think you can handle it, feel free to order from my CD STORE or legendary retailer CD BABY.

Today, I’d like to share Women, Yes Sir! from the CD. It’s my attempt to explore and support feminism from a white, heterosexual, unfocused male perspective. I did the best I could. Matt the Electrician plays banjo-uke and sings along. Enjoy!

[By the way, you can catch me performing this song as part of Spike Gillespie’s Dick Monologues, a monthly celebration/condemnation of jerks and choads.]

Listen and spread the word!

Women, Yes Sir!

Women deserve to rule the world, yes sir, yes sir
Women deserve to rule the world, yes sir, yes sir
Women deserve to rule this land,
Repair the damage done by man
Women deserve to rule the world, yes sir

Women have a right to equal pay, yes sir, yes sir
Women have a right to equal pay, yes sir, yes sir
Everyone must reap and sew (so?)
Equal work for equal dough
Women have a right to equal pay, yes sir

Women have a right to control their bodies, yes sir, yes sir
Women have a right to control their bodies, yes sir, yes sir
If and when to breathe or breed
Just as man can spill his seed
Women have a right to control their bodies, yes sir

Women have a right to wash their bodies, yes sir, yes sir
Women have a right to wash their bodies, yes sir, yes sir
Women have a right to lather up slow
Tracing circles as they go
Women have a right to wash their bodies, yes sir

Women have a right to explore their bodies, yes sir, yes sir
Women have a right to explore their bodies, yes sir, yes sir
Women deserve a pleasure spree
In private or in front of me
Women have a right to explore their bodies, yes sir

Women deserve to kick my ass, yes ma’am, yes ma’am
Women deserve to kick my ass, yes ma’am, yes ma’am
Women deserve to slap me ‘round
Tickle my rump and tie me down
Women deserve to kick my ass, yes sir.

Music can be all things to all persons. It is like a great dynamic sun in the center of a solar system which sends out its rays and inspiration in every direction…. Music makes us feel that the heavens open and a divine voice calls. Something in our souls responds and understands.
Leopold Stokowski

The Napkin Drawings by Marty Coleman




One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

I tell them I’m a very slow eater, and I’ve never participated in a Marine Mollusk-Eating Contest before. Of course, it’s a big lie, they bet more money against me, and so goes my…

Highlight here for answer: [mussel hustle]



Thursday, September 20th, 2007
8:00 PM
Bruce Hughes & Southpaw Jones
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
Austin, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://www.flipnotics.com
The New Weekly Show!

Tuesday, September 25th, 2007
8:00 PM
2008 NAKED Calendar Release Party
Hyde Park Theater
Austin, TX
Performing as part of C-Dar Fevar.

Bloggers love to bloggy-blog about all the fun, interesting things they do, their fun, interesting conversations, and their fun, interesting travels. Well, today, I’d rather explore the gaping holes in my life.

Everyone has a list of non-experiences that would make a “normal” person gasp:

“You’ve NEVER been skiing?”
“You don’t know ANY Sly & the Family Stone songs?”
“You’ve NEVER tried gelato?”

Of course, the modern world is filled with so many places to see, experiences to try, and foods to eat, you know, every single person can come off like a sheltered thumb-sucker if you ask enough questions.

Having typed that, and in the spirit of disclosure and humility, I now present:

15 Popular Films I Have Never Seen
(And So What?)

 Romancing the Stone
 Dune
 Casablanca
 Raging Bull
 Tron
 Apocalypse Now
 Singin’ in the Rain
 Schindler’s List
 Ben Hur
 Bonnie and Clyde
 Taxi Driver
 Air Force One
 Easy Rider
 Scarface
 On the Waterfront

Judge me harshly if you must, then tell me about your own life’s unforgivable omissions.

How many movies do you see when you can say this director really knew what film he wanted to make? I can count them on the fingers of one hand.
Gary Oldman

The Napkin Drawings by Marty Coleman




One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

I got the side of my face pierced, but since I got a corporate job, I took the piece out. Now it’s only noticeable when I drink and a little liquid dribbles out and down to my jaw. Hopefully, the hole will fill in, and I’ll lose this…

Highlight here for answer: [cheek leak]



Thursday, September 20th, 2007
8:00 PM
Bruce Hughes & Southpaw Jones
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
Austin, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://www.flipnotics.com
The New Weekly Show!

Yes, Bob Dylan rocked on Saturday night. He rocked with those tools that have been working since the birth of rock and roll. You know, those tools that the kids seem to have forgotten. I realize that typing that makes me seem old. Well, Mr. Dylan reminded me that age is a blessing, especially if you stay alert, questioning, seeking. He is not bored, and he is not boring. The dude is still reworking songs that are 40 years old. He can do that; he owns the copyrights. Plus he recognizes what my favorite artists recognize: A song is not frozen at the time of its recording. It is a living thing that expands and evolves as much as its player decides to care for it.

Like Willie and The Boss, Dylan does not perform his songs so much as he plays them. These artists play music with awareness and variety like professional athletes play each game. If ballers play the same game every night, they lose, unless they happen to be the Harlem Globetrotters. If musicians perform the same show every night, well, their audience would be better off getting drunk and listening to their record really loud at home. Save some bones, you know?

Dylan could stand in a room doing nothing, and people would pay to see him. On Saturday night, he put on an energetic show with his tight band in classy suits. He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, starting on guitar then moving over to keyboard. Two hours later, it was over. We scored tickets with God on our side, and I fulfilled my ACL Festival weekend dreams without having to set foot in Zilker Park.

Of course, now its Monday, and I’d much rather be in Zilker Park than this here office.

The only difference between a weed and a flower is a judgment.
Dr. Wayne Dyer

The Napkin Drawings by Marty Coleman




One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

One who selects a bit of furniture made of interlaced willow branches.

Highlight here for answer: [wicker picker]



Thursday, September 20th, 2007
8:00 PM
Bruce Hughes & Southpaw Jones
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
Austin, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://www.flipnotics.com
The New Weekly Show!