Southpaw Jones

Happy Friday to you. Five months until Valentine’s Day, lovers.

This weekend, the Austin City Limits Music Festival hits the Austin…city…limits. I am not attending this year, mostly because a free ticket didn’t fall into my lap. I wasn’t really motivated to buy one. Mr. Bob Dylan is the big draw for me and the headliner of the fest, but I remembered what it was like to see Tom Petty last year. I was sitting on the grass about a half-mile away from a stage I could not see. It sounded like someone was playing Tom Petty on a radio in a neighboring county. And yet, I was surrounded by people who were very excited about that radio.

Then it started to rain. The sky opened up on our tired, end-of-fest heads, and we started the jog back to my apartment. When we got into the neighborhood under some shelter, well, wouldn’t you know it: We could hear the show better than when we were standing in the crowd. So maybe I’ll just stand outside my door this weekend and wonder what kind of guitar so-and-so is playing.

But wait, there’s more! Mr. Bob Dylan is performing twice this weekend! Once on Sunday at the festival in front of 60,000 people and once on Saturday at a club in front of 3,000 people. Maggie and I will be among those 3,000 lucky souls, I tell you what. It’s at Stubb’s Bar-B-Q, where I once saw They Might Be Giants. Pinch me, pinch me!

I hear that the Jokerman plays piano instead of guitar now. That’s cool. I hear he may be played by Cate Blanchett this weekend. That’s cool, too. Good lord, it’s gonna be packed. Good lord, it’s gonna be fun. My dream is a spot next to the sound board. Wish me luck!

Here’s the line-up of a festival for which I would pay mucho dinero:

 Mr. Bob Dylan
 Mr. Willie Nelson
 Mr. Bruce Springsteen
 They Might Be Giants
 Alison Kraus
 Cake
 Mary Lou Lord
 Aerosmith
 Jonathan Richman
 Ani Difranco
 Steve Earle
 Dan Bern
 Fountains of Wayne
 etc.

David Cross and Zach Galifianakis would emcee, of course.

There’s no black and white, left and right to me anymore; there’s only up and down and down is very close to the ground. And I’m trying to go up without thinking about anything trivial such as politics. They has got nothing to do with it. I’m thinking about the general people and when they get hurt.
Bob Dylan, 1963

Cats’ Sleeping Positions




One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

That publishing company only releases books in cold weather, because they don’t think people read when it’s warm. Their press doesn’t even work three-quarters of the year. They call it a…

Highlight here for answer: [winter printer]



Thursday, September 20th, 2007
8:00 PM
Bruce Hughes & Southpaw Jones
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
Austin, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://www.flipnotics.com
The New Weekly Show!

I had to go to a meeting this morning, which means I’m late publishing the blog AND drained of all creativity.

Blech.

Here are some entities that use the word Southpaw:

That’s the best I can do today. Tomorrow’s Friday!

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.’
Dave Barry

Cats’ Sleeping Positions




One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

Have a crush on former First Lady Reagan.

Highlight here for answer: [fancy Nancy]



Thursday, September 13th, 2007
8:00 PM
Bruce Hughes & Southpaw Jones
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
Austin, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://www.flipnotics.com
The New Weekly Show!

The trail to the tool shed is covered with snow.
I don’t have a map, but I know where to go.

The bagels in bags brush against my right thigh.
The bells from the church tell me evening is nigh.

There’s no one around so I pee on a stump.
Our small creek is running so I make the quick jump.

I open the door and uncover a cage
The home of sweet Whiskers, my counsel and sage.

Mom and Dad aren’t aware that I’ve kept this dear mouse
Even after she told me to burn down the house.

Even after she told me to hog tie the cat,
And offer my best friends a cold tit for tat.

“Invest in one company. Pick it at random.”
“Ride alone around town on a bicycle tandem.”

Father once heard her tell me to suck plastic bags
Unimpressed with her voice, he wrapped her in rags.

He dropped Whiskers deep in the cruel countryside,
Where she waited, debated, then hitched a return ride.

She tapped on my window and told me she’d planned.
She knew what to do, she just needed a hand.

She told me to excel in English and Math,
To aim for a good school and follow a path.

A life plan that leads to the presidency!
If anyone can do it, she said, why not me?

She’ll toss me direction from her magic mouse throat
As long as I promise to give mice the vote.

YAY! WE DID IT!

I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time.
Blaise Pascal

Cats’ Sleeping Positions




One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

The table I prepared is clearly superior to yours. My forks and knives are properly positioned, and you’ll find no fingerprints on the plates. Clearly, I am the…

Highlight here for answer: [better setter]



Thursday, September 13th, 2007
8:00 PM
Bruce Hughes & Southpaw Jones
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
Austin, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://www.flipnotics.com
The New Weekly Show!

It’s Tuesday.
Music Day.
Kanye vs. 50 Day.
Sad anniversary day.

I don’t have a new recording to share, so how ‘bout one that’s almost eleven years old? Yes, I released my first CD, In Front of People (out of print!), at the end of 1996. I was a sophomore in college. I borrowed money from some wonderful friends and recorded a live performance in a lecture hall on campus.

As I was mixing it with my friend Dave Wallingford, we decided to add one more track to the magic. I performed Something to Fall On in a basement apartment, while microphones outside captured the ambient sounds of a Nashville neighborhood. Planes, dogs, and automobiles. I liked this sound so much that I used it a few years later for an entire record, One in the Door, One in the Grave.

Attached are the lyrics, if you’d like to follow along with my try-not-to-wake-up-the-neighbors imitation twang.

Sittin’ in this ol’ border town café
Knowin’ that it just ain’t my day
Fearful of the words she might say
Watchin’ while our love goes away.

And I’m havin’ an extravagant meal
Sinkin’ my teeth in this tasty veal
Hopin’ to forget the whole deal
You picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille

And I’m eatin’ my heart out tonight
My hunger is strengthened by fright
And I’m feelin’ that something ain’t right
I’m fillin’ my stomach
So my heart’ll have something to fall on

Soon she’ll sit here and tell the bad news
So bring me a bucket of them ol’ salted cashews
Lookin’ at the menu I’ll choose
To eat my way out of these blues

And I realize that her love just can’t be won
So I’m spreadin’ my grief on this kaiser bun
I feel so empty, but I must weigh a ton
My heart burns in more ways than one

And I’m eatin’ my heart out tonight
My hunger is strengthened by fright
And I’m feelin’ that something ain’t right
I’m fillin’ my stomach
So my heart’ll have something to fall on
And I’m eatin’ my heart out tonight

The suspicious mind believes more than it doubts. It believes in a formidable and ineradicable evil lurking in every person.
Eric Hoffer

Cats’ Sleeping Positions




One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

Yes sir, that earthquake was really localized! It only rocked one measurable rectangle of our property. We nicknamed it the…

Highlight here for answer: [acre shaker]



Thursday, September 13th, 2007
8:00 PM
Bruce Hughes & Southpaw Jones
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
Austin, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://www.flipnotics.com
The New Weekly Show!

I made all these up as far as I know. You and your friends/coworkers get to decide what they are: indie rock band, toy robot, or professional wrestler?

 Glantoch
 Feverish Whisper
 Uncle Alvin
 Kremlar the Skittish
 Eskort
 Crunch Down
 Heather Flame
 The Fievel Magillicutty Ultrasound
 Netflix
 Differently-Abled Donny
 Vacuum Keener
 Gracious Antiquity
 Evergreen Terrace
 Red Snapper
 Trubble

This week passed quickly, the day after tomorrow is already Wednesday, the man said.
Norwegian proverb

Cats’ Sleeping Positions




One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

You know that tall tale about the giant lumberjack? Not true. Turns out he and his blue ox actually grew tear-inducing vegetables. He sold them under the name…

Highlight here for answer: [Bunyan’s Onions]



Thursday, September 13th, 2007
8:00 PM
Bruce Hughes & Southpaw Jones
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
Austin, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://www.flipnotics.com
The New Weekly Show!