Southpaw Jones

• Foot massage

• Heart message

• Letting a loved one “off the hook next Christmas”

• Unwanted advice

• Meaningless sex

• Doing someone’s Christmas shopping for them

• Good vibes

• Meaningful sex

• Visions of sweet January

• Full Forgiveness of Five Future Farts

• Meaning to engage in sex at some point

• Putting some high-quality energy into pretending to listen

• List of “Ways You Could Change to Make Our Relationship Smoother in the Coming Year”

• Three Coins in the Fountain (literal costs at least $0.03 plus travel to fountain, DVD requires retail price and takes up space, a cappella vocal performance is free)

• Control of the car stereo for an entire road trip

• Condescending, “layman’s” explanation of string theory

• One solid “remember when…” conversation without eye-rolling

• Butterfly kisses with butterfly effect

• Just being the best you you you you can be!

• Softly-spoken Republican talking points

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

I don’t want to put this small, tailless arboreal ape in a gift box. I’ll just present him with a bow on his head. Has anyone seen my spool of…

Highlight here for answer: [gibbon ribbon]


Tacky Christmas Yards

If you think the United States has stood still, who built the largest shopping center in the world?
Richard M. Nixon

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
with Matt the Electrician
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://www.flipnotics.com