Southpaw Jones

• I wish Friday were the only holiday. If the holiday season is about spending time with people you love, why is it I haven’t had time to spend with family or friends in weeks?

• Britney’s 16-year-old sister (and Nickelodeon star!) is pregnant. With a human baby. The Beverly Hillbillies have struck again. Teenagers! Prepare to follow, live your wildest dreams, and supply us with an ocean of jelly-headed fashion accessories. As scripture says, “The savior of modern man shall live several years with his head sticking out of a purse.”

• I’m already sick of Christmas, and I love science. Is there a place for me in Mike Huckabee’s America?

• Seems like the more we get hooked on unnecessary legal drugs, the more intolerant we are of illegal use and addition.

• Yesterday, I spent about 20 minutes shopping for a “Secure Digital SD Card” before I realized that “SD” stands for “Secure Digital.” That’s right, I’m the old guy in the store saying, “I see your SD cards here, but I need the Secure Digital kind specifically.” Ugh. Don’t tell anyone.

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

That crazy silversmith woke me up at midnight to tell me, “The British are coming!” I appreciated it, but dang, he didn’t have to slap me, throw cold water on me, and blow a trumpet in my ear to rouse me! I guess that’s why they call him…

Highlight here for answer: [severe Revere]


Tacky Christmas Yards

‘If I could work my will,’ said Scrooge indignantly, ‘Every idiot who goes about with ‘Merry Christmas’ on his lips, should be boiled with his own pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. He should!’
Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
with Matt the Electrician
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://www.flipnotics.com