Southpaw Jones

Songmaker • Whimsicologist • Austinite
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Archive for February, 2008

This Week in Limerick!

February 08, 2008 By: Southpaw Jones Category: Poetry No Comments →

Super Bowl X-L-I-I
I can’t read roman numerals that high
Between commercials and drinking
Tom Petty lip-synching?
New York served the Pats humble pie

Democrats split Super Tues.
That race has been far from a snooze
There may be contention
Up to the convention
Even Texans will get to help choose

Conservatives hate John McCain
‘Cause he isn’t far right or insane
They don’t rally for
Survivors of war
Perhaps they’ll dig up ol’ John Wayne

Happy Friday, come back Monday!


as reported in The New York Times

February 8, 1908
CHANGES IN CITY CHOIRS.
J R. H. Warren Quits as Organist at Madison Av. Reformed Church.


One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

It’s a shame Mitt dropped out of the race, because he was so all-encompassing. He would have had better luck running under the name…

Highlight here for answer: [Omni-Romney]


Wild Animals by Kent Rogowski
[stuffed animals inside out]




A Conservative is a fellow who is standing athwart history yelling ‘Stop!’
William F. Buckley, Jr.


FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 8, 2008
9:00 PM
Matt the Electrician & Southpaw Jones
Anderson Fair
2007 Grant
HOUSTON, TX
713.528.8576
www.andersonfair.com
Doors open at 8!
________________________________________________________________

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
with Matt the Electrician
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://www.flipnotics.com


Rob’s Super Bowl leftovers, February 3, 2008.

Thank you, come again!
myspace.com/southpawjones
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2007 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.
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Grace Under Politics

February 07, 2008 By: Southpaw Jones Category: Interesting? No Comments →

My mother once told me that as I grow older, I’ll begin to appreciate something called grace. Now that I’m thirty for real, and now that politics are a hot topic again, I wonder if it’s happening.

I used to be an angry young man. Very young. Very angry. I could not tolerate intolerant people. I cringed every time I heard someone long for “the good old days.” I couldn’t stand it when older folks tried to pretend that American values were somehow stronger or better fifty years ago. You know, before civil rights, gay rights, and equal rights. Before it was acceptable to tell someone that you were abused by a family member or a priest. Before the internet. Before The Beatles! Before anyone ever thought to investigate a president!

Ok, I can still get worked up about that stuff sometimes.

But this election year, I feel I can see through politics better than my younger self could. I think it has something to do with a realization I made: I have never in my life seen an adult change his or her mind as the result of a political discussion, especially regarding specific candidates. It seems to happen in polls, but I never see it happen in real life.

Every election cycle, we hear about undecided voters, but I’ve never met one. I suspect every person on the street could tell you their favorite among Obama, Clinton, McCain, Romney, and Huckabee. It’s just there in their hearts and heads as a result of upbringing, education, geography, economic class, and/or religion.

If someone were to approach me and openly ask for my brilliant political advice, sure, it would be exciting. I would tell them why I believe Barack Obama is the best choice for the times. [I might also mention that my politics fall more in line with Kucinich and Nader, but those two are so rabidly anti-corporate, the blatantly corporate media has turned them into laughing stocks.]

However, such inquiries never happen. Everyone has their alignments and their reasons, and they aren’t likely to have an epiphany as a result of arguments or evidence I provide. One’s personal politics are like one’s religion in this way. Hence, politics and religion are considered uncouth in polite discussion.

While it is perfectly acceptable and expected for the candidates themselves to debate and argue all day long, I wonder what use it serves us civilians on the ground. I do believe in democracy, and I certainly intend to vote, but pushing a candidate in someone’s face feels like a socially acceptable, covert way of saying, “I know better than you, and I am better than you.”

Perhaps that is why Jesus said, “Render unto Caesar the things which are Caesar’s, and unto God the things that are God’s.” In other words, be graceful, be considerate to each other, and let the psychos in power do their psycho thing without becoming psychotic yourself.

Having said that, where Oprah leads, I’ll follow.


as reported in The New York Times

February 7, 1908
SHAKESPEARE UNDONE AGAIN.
Milwaukee Ministers Denounce “The Merchant of Venice.”


One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

That illusionist accidently cut his assistant in half for real! Oh my god! That’s not entertaining, it’s awful! Take me away from this…

Highlight here for answer: [tragic magic]


Wild Animals by Kent Rogowski
[stuffed animals inside out]




I am not only a pacifist but a militant pacifist. I am willing to fight for peace. Nothing will end war unless the people themselves refuse to go to war.
Albert Einstein


FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 8, 2008
9:00 PM
Matt the Electrician & Southpaw Jones
Anderson Fair
2007 Grant
HOUSTON, TX
713.528.8576
www.andersonfair.com
Doors open at 8!
________________________________________________________________

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
with Matt the Electrician
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://www.flipnotics.com


Rob’s Super Bowl leftovers, February 3, 2008.

Thank you, come again!
myspace.com/southpawjones
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2007 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.
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Super Hump Day Update

February 06, 2008 By: Southpaw Jones Category: Interesting? No Comments →

Can I update you today, as I update my own calendar? In addition to being an obscure bloggist, I am chiefly an obscure singer-songwriter, and I’ve got some bona fide activities coming up.

Austinites, Matt the Electrician and I will continue our weekly run at Flipnotics @ the Triangle Thursday night at 8 pm. The song title of the week is Home School Truant for those of you keeping score. Next week, on Valentine’s Day, I’ll perform alone for the sake of the lonely. I will dress nicely and light a candle. All proceeds from that show will go toward buying my girlfriend a belated Valentine dinner. God bless her.

Matt and I take our show on the road this Friday, as we return to the legendary Anderson Fair in Houston. What a room, what great sound! I love it.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 8, 2008
9:00 PM [Doors open at 8!]
Anderson Fair
2007 Grant
HOUSTON, TX 77006
713.528.8576
www.andersonfair.com

On Saturday, February 23, we’ll revisit Opening Bell Coffee in Dallas where we’ve had many good times.

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 23, 2008
8:00 PM
Opening Bell Coffee
1409 S. Lamar Suite #012
DALLAS, TX 75215
214.565.0383
www.openingbellcoffee.com

I’ve also been involved in Spike Gillespie’s Dick Monologues, a successful monthly showcase of talented writers and speakers. It regards relationships, villains, and anatomy as you might guess. I play a couple of tunes and laugh myself silly. Our upcoming shows include:

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 20
7pm @ Zach Scott Arena Theatre
Austin, TX

SATURDAY, MARCH 8
SUNDAY, MARCH 9

Water Tower Theater
Out of the Loop Festival
Dallas, TX

SUNDAY MARCH 30
2pm matinee @ Hyde Park Theater
Austin, TX

For reservations, tickets and info, e-mail spike@spikeg.com. Also check out www.dickmonologues.com and www.myspace.com/dickmonologues.

On Monday, MARCH 10, I’ll appear as part of an annual SXSW-affiliated show called 20×2. It features twenty talented folks answering a question in two minutes. This year’s quandary is What’s the Difference?

If you don’t live in Texas, well, I still have CDs to offer, and you can always add to your Southpaw MP3 Collection via iTunes or CDBaby. Besides that, well, I’ve got this precious site, updated every weekday morning.

Consider yourself a mate! And an updated one at that.


as reported in The New York Times

BELL BEATS ROOSEVELT.
The General Outclasses the President In Fifteen-Mile Walk.
February 6, 1908
WASHINGTON, Feb. 5. — The regular army is revenged. Last Fall its officers had to take the fifteen-mile Roosevelt horsemanship test.


One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

I’ll take you on a tour of the front and the back, but if you want to explore the other edges, you’ll have to ask the…

Highlight here for answer: [side guide]


Wild Animals by Kent Rogowski
[stuffed animals inside out]




Had he kept silent he would have passed for a wise man.
Romanian proverb


FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 8, 2008
9:00 PM
Matt the Electrician & Southpaw Jones
Anderson Fair
2007 Grant
HOUSTON, TX
713.528.8576
www.andersonfair.com
Doors open at 8!
________________________________________________________________

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
with Matt the Electrician
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://www.flipnotics.com


Rob’s Super Bowl leftovers, February 3, 2008.

Thank you, come again!
myspace.com/southpawjones
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2007 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.
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Super Fat Tuesday

February 05, 2008 By: Southpaw Jones Category: Interesting? No Comments →

Welcome to the biggest day of primaries in American history. Election year is always a good time to examine the power of our fickle, varied media. Watch out! The tone of headline has undeniable influence, and I have come up with a few examples of vastly different reactions to the same event:

Fact: Hillary Clinton tears up during a Q&A.
Objective Headline: Hillary Clinton Talks Issues, Shows Emotion
Pro-Hillary Headline: Hillary Displays Humanity, Grace Under Pressure
Anti-Hillary Headline: Clinton Shows Strain, Cracks Under Pressure
Rush Limbaugh: Ugly Thing Leaks

Fact: Obama is rising in the polls.
Objective Headline: Obama Polling Well Ahead of Super Tuesday
Pro-Obama Headline: Obama Seemingly Unstoppable
Anti-Obama Headline: Nation Loses Faith in Polling
Rush Limbaugh: Articulate Black Man Charms Commies

Fact: Super Tuesday could seal McCain’s Nomination.
Objective Headline: Republicans May Secure Nominee Tuesday
Pro-McCain Headline: Republicans Seek Slow Dance with Miracle McComeback
Anti-McCain Headline: Republicans Could Redefine Party, Snub True Conservatives
Rush Limbaugh: McAmnesty Sneaks into Jeb’s Spot


as reported in The New York Times

ICE TRUST MEN BEGIN JAIL TERMS
First in the United States to be Imprisoned Under Anti-Trust Law. NO CHANCE FOR RELEASE The Law of Ohio Does Not Provide for Parole of the Prisoners Nor for a Pardon.
February 5, 1908
TOLEDO, Ohio, Feb. 4. — Roland Beard and Compton Lemman of the Hygeia Ice Company and Joseph Miller, manager of the Toledo Ice and Coal Company, are prisoners in the county jail, and the first men convicted in the United States of violating the anti-trust laws to serve sentence.


One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

When Americans vote, we look at the results as if we’re seeing our nation’s face in a mirror. On the big day in November, what will we see in our…

Highlight here for answer: [election reflection]


Wild Animals by Kent Rogowski
[stuffed animals inside out]




The difference between a democracy and a dictatorship is that in a democracy you vote first and take orders later; in a dictatorship you don’t have to waste your time voting.
Charles Bukowski


FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 8, 2008
9:00 PM
Matt the Electrician & Southpaw Jones
Anderson Fair
2007 Grant
HOUSTON, TX
713.528.8576
www.andersonfair.com
Doors open at 8!
________________________________________________________________

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
with Matt the Electrician
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://www.flipnotics.com


Rob’s Super Bowl leftovers, February 3, 2008.

Thank you, come again!
myspace.com/southpawjones
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2007 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.
Do Share! These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages.
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No Rural Area for Elderly Males

February 04, 2008 By: Southpaw Jones Category: Interesting? 1 Comment →

Another weekend comes crashing to finality with another Monday, rounding out the circle of life. This 2.5 day chunk of freedom featured tex-mex food, samba, Jeff Goldblum, bears on PBS, Twin Peaks, hot tea, singer-songwriters, Dunkin’ Donuts, Super Bowl XXIVCMX, Trailer Park Boys, and Skip-Bo. More fun than function, thank god.

Sunday afternoon found me waiting with Maggie to see The Savages outside a movie theater. (Excellent film, tastefully done, wonderful pacing, perfect acting, in case you were wondering.) An older woman came out of the lobby saying, “No Country for Old Men? More like No Country for Anybody!” I guess she didn’t care for it.

Now that it’s February, I can share with you a few very real search strings that led people to southpawjones.com in January. My stats program tells me so. Enjoy!

• janet and justin
• we musn’t smoke so we must
• squirrels on crack
• HOW FAR IS BRYAN TEXAS FROM GEORGETOWN TEXAS
• a singing jew
• Rick he was a young boy he had a heart of stone
• doot doo doo
• mannequin jokes
• naked acorn
• How do you respond: You are so fine
• One happy squaw in wigwam…happy as mongoose
• a bless you for hiccups
• rhyme for 44th birthday
• why do professional wrestlers get divorced
• you’ll take away the biggest part of me


as reported in The New York Times

BLANCHE BATES FIGHTS FIRE.
Actress Leads Bucket Brigade That Saved Her Country Home.
February 4, 1908
OSSINING, N.Y., Feb, 8. — Sparks from an open fireplace in the home of Miss Blanche Bates, the star in Belasco’s play, “The Girl of the Golden West,” caused a fire last night that bid fair to destroy the old Bailey homestead, which Miss Bates purchased and remodeled about three years ago.


One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

Oh, I can’t think of the name of it! It’s one of those….I don’t know…part of the small boat with the rowlocks for oars. Does anyone know the name of that…

Highlight here for answer: [dinghy thingy]


Wild Animals by Kent Rogowski
[stuffed animals inside out]




Fears to look bad in front of other people, to say something wrong, to be laughed at - all those fears deprive us of half of our abilities. This is one of the main school problems. That teacher understands it, who can teach students to study without fear of the teacher, without fear of classmates, and, the most important, without fear of a subject.
Simon Soloveychik


FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 8, 2008
9:00 PM
Matt the Electrician & Southpaw Jones
Anderson Fair
2007 Grant
HOUSTON, TX
713.528.8576
www.andersonfair.com
Doors open at 8!
________________________________________________________________

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
with Matt the Electrician
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://www.flipnotics.com


Rob’s Super Bowl leftovers, February 3, 2008.

Thank you, come again!
myspace.com/southpawjones
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2007 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.
Do Share! These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages.
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