Southpaw Jones

Ah, the first thing I heard walking into work today was a woman uttering the phrase “added byproduct.” I can’t believe she had the energy to use an unnecessary word so early in the morning, and I can’t believe I had the energy to notice it and grin all stupid and sly-like.

Energy is at a premium here at the end of Miracle Music Month 2008. Maggie and I shared four amazing concerts in March and April. We had unified interest in Willie Nelson and Bruce Springsteen, both living legends and wonderful performers, natch. Bookending those two shows, I asked her to be my date for They Might Be Giants, and she took me to see Feist last night.

To say that Feist was the worst of those four experiences is like saying that Sunday is my least favorite day of the weekend. She was great! She had a versatile band, a wonderful live voice, and a huge following of cute girls in their Spring best. Actually, it was like Easter for hipsters. Heaster, perhaps? Maggie was the cutest in her new green-yellow lim-on outfit.

There was an opener, but I forgot his name. I also forgot everything he sang, like, a split-second before he sang it. Is that even possible? This is not an insult. My disinterest merely means he has greater odds of fame and fortune and radio airplay down the line. Historically proven!

Feist came onstage with a manly band in white and two women in charge of live animation projected onto the bandshell. Imagine someone spreading miniatures, sand, cloth, and hands around on an overhead projector when the teacher leaves the junior high classroom, and you’ll have a good idea of what it looked like. It was excellent visual accompaniment, and so much cooler that they recreate it live each night.

“One, two, three, four” were about the only words I understood Feist sing. I recognized them instantly as the first integers of our universal number system. She was big on vowels, not so much on consonants. You might think this would annoy a word-obsessed singer-shlongwriter like me, but it didn’t. It sounded so pure and clean and European, I didn’t care. The weather was beautiful, and she pierced the Austin air like an shopping mall earring salesman one day before retirement.

Is Feist indie? I don’t even know anymore, but I do know that the whole nebulous movement there could use more rhythm, more quality melodies, more fun, and more class. She brings all that jazz into the current scene, and she even manages to make television commercials bearable. Kudos!

So ends a perfect storm of live music! Such a weeks-long epidemic of wonderfulness may never come our way again. I won’t say I’m ready to die now, but I could definitely take a nice long nap.

as reported in The New York Times

April 16, 1908
DESERTS MAN HATERS.
Mrs. Hoover Also Tells the Sanctified Sisterhood She Is Happy.
WASHINGTON — The discovery that a Philadelphia hotel clerk had invaded the Adamless Eden maintained here by the Sanctified Sisterhood threw the members of the man-hating society into consternation to-day.

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

Kids are always developing a wild new ways of making out! Have you heard of this new one where partners passionately kiss each other on the eye, drawing breath right there where tears come out? Have you tried it? Have you ever…

Highlight here for answer: [sucked duct]


Model Railroad Slums

By nature of me being the one singing it and writing it there is always an innate bit of autobiography there … but I think I learned years ago that you don’t get songs that have that long stride and that pivot-hinge ability if it’s too much diary entry.
Leslie Feist

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
with Matt the Electrician
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://www.flipnotics.com
________________________________________________________________

SAUTRDAY, APRIL 19
8:00 PM
Opening for Will Kimbrough
Bend Studio
5014 McKinney Ave. 75205
DALLAS, TX
214.841.9642
www.bendstudio.com
$20, Doors at 7 pm.

Seeing Bruce Springsteen live is an amazing and important moment in life, but you have to be ready, and you have to be open. As good as he is, he can’t force you to get out of your chair and rise above your routine and your baggage. You have to…

Oh, who am I kidding? Of course, he can force you to get out your chair and rise above your routine and your baggage. He’s BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN! I saw him work his magic for Houstonians in the upper deck who didn’t even seem to know what show they were coming to see. It’s like Jerry Seinfeld says about comedy: No matter how big a legend you are, after five minutes, you better be actually funny. Well, Springsteen is a legend, if anyone out there is, and oddly enough, he still had to work hard for two-and-a-half hours to get everybody on their feet. I think he recognized the challenge early on, and I think he enjoyed it a great deal. If he was faking it, well, hell, there was no way he was faking it. He actually rocked.

May I share some contradictions from the evening? Well, the first one is frustrating me, because I swear I’ve seen this specific Springsteen quote before, but now I can’t find it. Not even on this here Internet! I’ll have to paraphrase: A well-done rock show has to simultaneously be the most important and the most meaningless thing in the world. That’s a crazy concept, but I love wrapping my brain around it. Last night, I didn’t have to wrap my brain, I just lived it. It was a religious experience, but it was just a concert. It was a baptism, but it was just a bunch of musicians playing. It was life-affirming and singular, but it was just an aging megastar and his band. If you can absorb this fundamental complication, you may be ready to truly appreciate a Springsteen show.

And another thing: Is it the Boss’s age and experience that make him great or is it his age-defying youthfulness? I don’t know, but one without the other would not have been the same. He jumped around the stage, pole-danced on his mic stand, and kept his energy super-high all night, but then again, he sang songs that only a fifty-year-old man could write, arrange, and pull off.

Springsteen understands that you can make yourself an even bigger star if you elevate the people around you. He loves The E Street Band more than any audience member, and he dang well ought to. They are the best in town, versatile, loud, serious, goofy, and dressed in black. From Stevie Van Zandt’s vocals on “Living in the Future” to Nils Lofgren’s blistering solo on “Because the Night” to Max Weinberg’s machine gun snare on “Badlands” to Clarence Clemons’s immortal saxophone on “Thunder Road,” it was all professional with a capital PRO.

During his encore, Bruce even brought out two excellent Texas songwriters, Alejandro Escovedo and Joe Ely, to play a song each with the band. Ely played “All Just to Get to You,” a song I’ve loved for ten years. I bought that record originally because I heard that Springsteen sang backup vocals on it. Had Bruce brought out Willie, I think Maggie and I would have spontaneously combusted on the spot.

I have some idea what most people might think when they hear the words “Bruce Springsteen concert.” It makes me a little sad. I won’t name names here, but we all know rock stars from the past who tour around celebrating just that, the past. Springsteen is very much about the present, just as much as he was in 1975. He plays classic songs, but he revamps them into something truly new. He doesn’t deny or try to hide his age, he pushes right through it with force and dignity. He isn’t there to remind you that he filled stadiums in the 1980s, he’s there to remind you that there are really good reasons for you personally to wake up in the morning. Faith, friendship, work, play, road trips, escape, soul, music, beer, and girls in their summer clothes! If you want to write music that never becomes stale or dated, write about these things from the beginning.

I’ve already typed too much, but I’ll leave you with a few more contradictions from the wonderful night: Things suck, but life is rich. America is great, but America’s government sucks. Relationships can be very difficult, but is there anything else of true value in this world? We have to work through this! We have to get out of town! We have to make a connection! We have to break this chain! This town rips the bones from your back! Son, we’re lucky in this town! It’s a death trap! It’s a beautiful place to be born!

Whew! “It’s a ride, ride, ride, and there ain’t much cover.” You said it, Boss. Thanks for coming to Texas.

Go see the Boss, fair reader. When you’re ready. I wasn’t near ready when I saw him at 19, and I wasn’t quite ready at 23, so thank God I was ready last night. One last classic contradiction:

Tears.

Of.

Joy.

I’m spent.

I’m sure Bruce would appreciate you looking up your local Food Bank and making a donation:
www.secondharvest.org/zip_code.jsp

as reported in The New York Times

April 15, 1908
LABORERS RUSH TO ALASKA.
Contractors Paying Them $5 a Day and Board.

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

Ok, let me get this straight. You’ve practiced seven different religions in your lifetime, and now you’re ready for another? Pray tell, which will be your…

Highlight here for answer: [eighth faith]


Model Railroad Slums

I have my ideas, I have my music and I also just enjoy showing off, so that’s a big part of it. Also, I like to get up onstage and behave insanely or express myself physically, and the band can get pretty silly.
Bruce Springsteen

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
with Matt the Electrician
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://www.flipnotics.com
________________________________________________________________

SAUTRDAY, APRIL 19
8:00 PM
Opening for Will Kimbrough
Bend Studio
5014 McKinney Ave. 75205
DALLAS, TX
214.841.9642
www.bendstudio.com
$20, Doors at 7 pm.

I’m late today, because we had a meeting here at American Money Team. Post-meeting question: Why is a group of three or more dumber and slower than the dumbest and slowest member of the group? Discuss in a group of three or more.

I’m also going to keep it short today, because tonight, in Houston, Texas, I’ll witness a performance from this man:

as reported in The New York Times

April 14, 1908
Swallows Sword; Now Dying.

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

I just complete my federal forms, and it’s time to pay the government! Is it ok to send my documents via phone line? Do you know of anyone who…

Highlight here for answer: [faxes taxes]


Model Railroad Slums

Last Thursday, at the Harvard Square theatre, I saw my rock’n'roll past flash before my eyes. And I saw something else: I saw rock and roll future and its name is Bruce Springsteen. And on a night when I needed to feel young, he made me feel like I was hearing music for the very first time.
Jon Landau, Rolling Stone magazine (1974)

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
with Matt the Electrician
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://www.flipnotics.com
________________________________________________________________

SAUTRDAY, APRIL 19
8:00 PM
Opening for Will Kimbrough
Bend Studio
5014 McKinney Ave. 75205
DALLAS, TX
214.841.9642
www.bendstudio.com
$20, Doors at 7 pm.

Charlton Heston, you lived well past eighty
Your roles were iconic and weighty
As tough as John Wayne
We all felt your pain
When those damn dirty apes halved our Lady
LINK

There once was a thing called recession
That suffers the utmost repression
It made people cranky
When Fed Chief Bernanke
Finally used the expression
LINK

When school girls have parties, they tape it
Now six southern teens can’t escape it
They disliked one girl’s face
It’s a criminal case
‘Cause they violently tried to reshape it
LINK

A text message sent from above!
(By which I mean the federal gov.)
If we face tragedy
It’ll say “OMG!
Go spend money on people you love!”
LINK

as reported in The New York Times

April 11, 1908
FLYING LOG KILLS TWO.
ENFIELD, Mass. — W.H. Bishop, one of the best known lumbermen in Massachusetts, and Miss Wilhelmina Weston, 19 years old, were instantly killed by a huge birch log which jumped the slide of a portable sawmill this afternoon. Bishop bought large timber acreage last Fall and recently began to convert it into lumber.

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

You sure do know how to delight old fogeys! How did you become such a…

Highlight here for answer: [geezer pleaser]


Lost In Translation - English Gone Wrong

Preparation for war is a constant stimulus to suspicion and ill will.
James Monroe

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
with Matt the Electrician
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://www.flipnotics.com
________________________________________________________________

SAUTRDAY, APRIL 19
8:00 PM
Opening for Will Kimbrough
Bend Studio
5014 McKinney Ave. 75205
DALLAS, TX
214.841.9642
www.bendstudio.com
$20, Doors at 7 pm.

I forgot to ask for a birthday present earlier this week! What I’d really like is more visitors to this here site. Now that I’ve seen 1,300 people stop by in one day, I can’t stop thinking about 10,000 and 100,000 and other fat, round numbers. You can help me reach such masses by telling your cool friends to tell their cool friends about southpawjones.com. Feel free to use your own words, or copy/paste the words below into an e-mail, MySpace, Facebook, or whatever.

My pal Southpaw has a site
E - I - E - I - O
And Southpaw’s site is dy-no-mite
E - I - E - I - O

With a Rhyme Time here
and a Quote-Quote there
Here a joke
There a pun
Everything is fun, fun

My pal Southpaw has a site
E - I - E - I - O

Southpaw updates every day
E - I - E - I - O
‘Cept for weekends, meant for play
E - I - E - I – O

With a pic-pic here
And a headline there
Here a rant
There a list
Everyone gets kissed, kissed

Southpaw Jones Dot Com is cool
E - I - E - I – O

Yes, on second thought, please use your own words. Thanks!

as reported in The New York Times

April 10, 1908
TO STOP WATER POLLUTION.
Edward Hatch, Jr., of New York Asks Roosevelt to Help.
WASHINGTON — “Water poisoning,” as he terms the almost universal practice of dumping raw sewage into the streams of the country, will be made a National issue if President Roosevelt acts upon the suggestion of Edward Hatch, Jr., of New York, made in a letter which was to-day delivered to the Executive.

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

When you talk to God, you sound like such a lame-o. Try to use some cooler words. He’ll understand. Why do you have to offer up such a…

Highlight here for answer: [square prayer]


Lost In Translation - English Gone Wrong

Personally I prefer a liberal dictator to democratic government lacking liberalism.
Friedrich Hayek

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
with Matt the Electrician
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://www.flipnotics.com
________________________________________________________________

SAUTRDAY, APRIL 19
8:00 PM
Opening for Will Kimbrough
Bend Studio
5014 McKinney Ave. 75205
DALLAS, TX
214.841.9642
www.bendstudio.com
$20, Doors at 7 pm.