Southpaw Jones

CRUELTY is now available!
Order the CD now at southpawjones.com.
Purchase MP3s at cdbaby.com or .
Grab a copy in real time at Waterloo Records or End of an Ear in Austin.
Or buy one from me any Thursday at Flipnotics @ the Triangle.

Tomorrow is Left-Handers’ Day 2008, and the Left-Handers Club has nominated five accomplished southpaws for Left-Hander of the Year. They are:

• Barack Obama presidential candidate and author
• Angelina Jolie actress and philanthropist
• Paul McCartney musician and divorcee
• David Archuleta singer and awkward child
• Rafael Nadal tennis player and clay lover

This should be an easy decision. I follow tennis about as closely as I follow the pope, so Nadal is out, whoever he is. [I should note, though, that left-handers excel in tennis and architecture due to our enhanced ability to perceive three dimensions.] Archuleta goes, too, because you don’t get to sing at me until you’ve either slept in a car/van or shaken my hand. Paul McCartney is a legend, and one of the greatest lefties of all time, but this is not his year.

So it’s down to Angelina and Barack. Who would I rather have a beer with? Well, Angelina, of course, although I suspect Barack knows more jokes. I’d rather go bowling with Barack, because I know I’d win. Angelina loses points for all those tattoos and that vial of Billy Bob’s blood she used to wear around her neck. She and Bradley are doing amazing things for people in need, but Barack is a historical figure on the brink of making even more history, and the good kind of history, too!

He has brought multi-clause sentences back into presidential politics. He is cool, calm, collected, and healthy. If he wants to bring me universal health care, he can tax my ass off. Sure, he could be stricter about actually ending that war. He could lean further left into my progressive comfort zone. But he is a pleasure to watch, not just because he is a thoughtful, talented speaker, but because I believe him to be a mature, reason-driven adult. On television! Running for office! A rare beast! And left-handed on top of it all.

I plan to vote for Obama in this and that other election.

as reported in The New York Times

August 12, 1908
COLLEGE BOYS UPSET HOTEL.
Student Waiters Flirted with Elmore Guests and Neglected the Dishes.
SAYVILLE, L.I. — Because they flirted with the young women guests, preferred playing their mandolins and guitars to working, and monopolized the cozy nooks of the verandas at all hours, a dozen college students whom Proprietor J. Davis Secor had employed as waiters and helpers in the Elmore Hotel here were dismissed by him last night.

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

Getting off your feet is good, taking a nap is better, but eight hours of sleep is by far the…

Highlight here for answer: [best rest]


Blindfolded Cartoonists

Every minute with a child takes seven minutes off your life.
Barbara Kingsolver

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
www.flipnotics.com
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SATURDAY, AUGUST 30, 2008
Matt the Electrician & Southpaw Jones
8:00 pm
Wyldwood House Concert
4205 Wyldwood Road
AUSTIN, TX
wyldwood.startlogic.com
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WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 10, 2008
Celebrating the lyrics of CRUELTY!
BookPeople
603 N. Lamar
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 472-5050
www.bookpeople.com