Southpaw Jones

CRUELTY is now available!
Order the CD now at southpawjones.com.
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Grab a copy in real time at Waterloo Records, End of an Ear, or Bookpeople in Austin.
Or buy one from me any Thursday at Flipnotics @ the Triangle.

I like vitamins.

I don’t know if they work or not.

Some say definitely.

Some say most definitely not.

I don’t care.

I have faith in them.

I take two vitamins at lunch every day. One is a standard Centrum-esque but more natural thing. I call it McMulti. The other is an Omega-3 Fish Oil pill. I like it because I can see through it and because it smells bad. Not all things that smell bad are good for you, but all things that are good for you do smell bad.

I also take two ibuprofen tablets. One is for a daily headache I get when I socialize face to face with other humans. The other is for my poor wrists which I wear out playing guitar and typing e-mails (to avoid the aforementioned face to face socializing). Hey, I spent my elementary years playing alone in an Alabama forest, so forgive my introvertedness, puh-leez.

But I digress.

Here’s the thing about vitamins: I don’t take them at the beginning or the end of my meal. I take them sometime between the first bite and the last bite.

I’m trying to trick my body, you see.

I don’t want my stomach thinking, “Hey, this totally isolated pill of wonder just dropped in here, and I think…yes, this guy is trying to be healthy without eating healthily! Send this lazy shortcut orb over to the waste department for immediate disposal!”

Hey, I can’t blame my tummy tumbler for having a low opinion of me and wanting me to do things the hard way.

By placing the vitamin in the middle of my meal, I imagine my stomach responding this way instead: “Alright, what do we have here? Ketchup, fries, ketchup, fries. Everybody, this is routine stuff. You know what to do. Try to scrape some nutrients from somewhere. It won’t be long before we see…yes, there are burger fragments, burger fragments! Get that protein and dump the rest! See if you can turn those pickle slices into something useful. Whoa! What is this? We have Vitamin B, people! Where on earth did that come from??? Zinc! I see Zinc! Start collecting! Schnell! Potassium, Vitamin D, Calcium! Now another chunk of ground beef? Oh, my, this is the healthiest burger and fries I’ve ever seen! Good job, Southpaw! You have chosen your food wisely!”

That’s my vitamin secret.

It’s silly, I know, but I haven’t been sick in FOREVER! I totally fool my body every time!

If you take vitamins already, try the Southpaw Method, and sneak them into your meal before your last bite.

For your health!

as reported in The New York Times

September 17, 1908
CHOLERA GROWING WORSE.
St. Petersburg Now Has 249 Cases — Spreading to Better Classes.

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

I actually have two male siblings. There’s one playing in the yard there. Let’s see if we can find my…

Highlight here for answer: [other brother]


Wackyfun Food Art Time

The decision to kiss for the first time is the most crucial in any love story. It changes the relationship of two people much more strongly than even the final surrender; because this kiss already has within it that surrender.
Emil Ludwig

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
www.flipnotics.com
________________________________________________________________

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 22, 2008
9:00 PM (Doors open at 8.)
Matt the Electrician & Southpaw Jones
Anderson Fair
2007 Grant 77006
HOUSTON, TX
713.528.8576
www.andersonfair.com