Southpaw Jones

• Financial independence

• Debt-free lifestyle

• Multiple frames of reference

• Cool eyeglass frames and reference books

• Ability to punch a hole through drywall

• Unlimited access to chocolate

• Ability to refuse chocolate

• A connection to the unifying Thing

• Ability to be alone and quiet

• Limiting and recycling one’s waste

• Control of one’s waist

• Never having to smell a stranger’s waste

• Absolute minimum amount of fake laughter, fake conversations, fake sympathy, etc.

• Maximum of genuine laughter, conversations, sympathy, etc.

• Relationships that stabilize you when life drives you crazy

• Relationships that drive you crazy when life becomes too stable

• The realization that everyone puts their pants on one leg at a time, often backwards, often stumbling, often catching their wang in the zipper.

as reported in The New York Times

September 24, 1908
WOMAN WALDORF WAITER.
In Male Attire She Says She Has Served the Vanderbilts.
PHILADELPHIA — Augusta Seib came to this city to-day clad in men’s attire to ask the police if they would molest her if she started a fruit stand and conducted it in male attire. She told how for years she had lived in New York and earned her living as a waiter in large hotels until fear that she would be discovered drove her from the city.

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

That hobbit formerly known as Sméagol sure is humorless and somber since he lost his stupid ring. Is there anything we can do to cheer up ol’…

Highlight here for answer: [solemn Gollum]


Custom My Little Ponies

Worry: Interest we pay on trouble before it is due.
John Garland Pollard

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
www.flipnotics.com
________________________________________________________________

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 22, 2008
9:00 PM (Doors open at 8.)
Matt the Electrician & Southpaw Jones
Anderson Fair
2007 Grant 77006
HOUSTON, TX
713.528.8576
www.andersonfair.com