Southpaw Jones

Archive for October 21st, 2008

The Campaign Trail is Your Commute

Oct 21st, 2008 Posted in Interesting? | no comment »

We are now two weeks from Election Day.

Early voting has begun here in Texas.

I am prObama.

Why?

Mostly because I’m not dead inside.

Yes, the two-party system is nasty and government is nasty and democrats disappoint, but I really like Obama.

I like that he is truly a man of reason.

Smart.

Funny.

I may regret not being more involved in his revolution of hope.

I am not donating any time or money to the campaign.

I do not have an Obama bumper sticker on my car.

All I’ll contribute is my vote and this silly commentary.

The most important words I can share in the final days of this contest are these:

If you have an Obama bumper sticker on your car, PLEASE DRIVE WELL.

Don’t drive upset or sleepy or tipsy or stoned.

Look up directions and memorize them if you’re heading someplace new.

Don’t make right turns super-slow if there is someone behind you.

Obey all signs and laws and tenants of common sense.

I say this because I so often change my opinions and beliefs out of spite for bad drivers.

And I know I’m not the only one.

When I get cut off by an SUV with a Jesus fish on the back, I go straight home to perform a ritual sacrifice for Satan.

Is that a Darwin fish with cute little legs on it? Why didn’t you signal??? Now I gotta go to church on Sunday.

Pro-choice? Well, I used to be, until I fell behind a feminist going 20 mph under the limit.

Pro-life? Not anymore, since Mr. “Abortion Stops a Heartbeat” just sprayed windshield wiper fluid into my sunroof.

I think you get the point.

This doesn’t make me a flip-flopper so much as a bumper-jumper.

If you’re gonna represent Obama, please represent to the best of your ability.

Especially if you drive in a swing state.

You never know what is going to push someone over the edge.

You want voters to remember Obama’s brilliance in the booth, not your cell-phone-using, bass-blaring, green-light-ignoring, swerving, speeding, tailgating self.

After November 4, take off your sticker and feel free to forget all the rules.

Just like you did immediately after you got your license.

McCain sticker-ers, please continue to drive erratically and confuse the brake and gas pedals.

Thank you.

as reported in The New York Times

October 21, 1908
VOTE FOR SUNDAY GOLF.
Plainfield Club Has a Two-Hour Discussion Before Taking a Vote.

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

I like the way this thing cuts my grass, but I wish it were closer to the ground. Do you think I can trade it in for a…

Highlight here for answer: [lower mower]

Entrances to Hell

Some couples go over their budgets very carefully every month. Others just go over them.
Katherine Mansfield

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
www.flipnotics.com
________________________________________________________________

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 22, 2008
9:00 PM (Doors open at 8.)
Matt the Electrician & Southpaw Jones
Anderson Fair
2007 Grant 77006
HOUSTON, TX
713.528.8576
www.andersonfair.com