Southpaw Jones

Is This Interesting?
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:

30 Things I’ve Learned in 30 Years (Part 2)

11. Art rejects repetition, but art requires a stage, and the stage requires repetition, but art rejects repetition…

12. It’s quite hard to say “Don’t tell people how to be” without sounding preachy.

13. Fake plants, fake friends, fake orgasms. They’re better than nothin’.

14. “You catch more bees with honey than with vinegar.” Um, yes, but if you have honey, why do you need bees? I say, enjoy the honey on some buttered bread, and use the vinegar to clean your coffee maker. Forget the bees, buy some beads.

15. Hyper liberals seek out close-to-home and complex conflicts, while hyper conservatives long for far away, simple battles. Reasonable people look for peace, quiet, and folks to play board games with.

16. Perhaps grace is much more important than I thought when I was twenty.

17. Watch out for people who believe in “the sanctity of life.” They are much more likely to kill you than those who don’t.

18. To be worth your time and space on this earth, you have to bring about more good than all that garbage you left on the curb. Literal and figurative garbage. Literal and figurative curb. If you leave your figurative garbage on your literal curb, your neighbors will think you’re crazy.

19. The love between a great-grandparent and a great-grandchild is that powerful, unique kind that says, “I may just die before you turn into a boring ol’ adult.”

20. Extremely poor men and extremely rich men cause trouble for the exact same reason: too much time on their hands.

And Another Thing…
More verbosity with velocity and viscosity:

Friday night at Ruta Maya:

• Your chance to celebrate 30 Years of Southpaw Jones with my pals and me!
• My last public performance until May!
• A five-hour festival of music and merriment!
• Quite possibly the last birthday I will ever celebrate publicly.
• The reason that our ancestors and ourselves have existed up to this point.

The shindig starts at 9 pm, and here is the complete list of performers and presenters, in order of appearance:

• Max & Henry (http://www.maxandhenry.com)
• Spike Gillespie (http://www.spikeg.com)
• Abi Tapia (http://www.abitapia.com)
• The Ginn Sisters (http://www.theginnsisters.com)
• Bill Passalacqua (http://www.billpassalacqua.com)
• David Ansel (http://www.souppeddler.com)
• Elroy (http://www.myspace.com/elroytheband)
• Owen Egerton (http://www.owenegerton.com)
• Graham Weber (http://www.grahamweber.com)
• Leatherbag (http://www.myspace.com/leatherbag)
• Brian Kremer (http://www.myspace.com/briankremer)
• C-Dar Fevar (http://www.myspace.com/cedarfever)

That’s right, Austin’s premier boy band will hit the stage around 1 am to dance and sing you into oblivion. I’ll perform and goof off in the in-between times. All performers are volunteers for the night. I am very thankful for their generosity and friendship. Please join me in telling them how great they are.

It’s technically a free show, but I’ll be asking for donations throughout the night to cover expenses. With a small cash birthday gift, you can consider yourself a co-producer of the show!

Before I go, I’ll ask you to mark two May dates on your calendar:
May 2, the return of Matt & Southpaw to Café Mundi.
May 8, my long-awaited tribute to Mr. Bruce Springsteen at the Cactus Café.

Alrighty, I’ll hope to see y’all Friday.

Twenty-something ‘till the weekend,
Southpaw
http://southpawjones.net
http://southpawjones.com

Friday, April 6th, 2007
9:00 PM
CELEBRATE 30 YEARS OF SOUTHPAW
Ruta Maya
3601 S. Congress Ste.D-200
Austin, TX
512-707-9637
http://www.rutamaya.net

Online Museum of the Week
Stuff from 1977:

I am neither Spider-Man nor the kid in this picture. I was busy being born in Houston.

Quotopia
Freshly-picked quotes from the ol’ reference collection:

Hitler was so modern, in that he was obsessed with being famous. He was caught up with this rush to be have achieved greatness before turning 30.
John Cusack

Paw Prints
Pics of Southpaw, his environ, and his interweb:

30 years of Southpaw, 30 years of pictures. Come celebrate with my pals and me at Ruta Maya on Friday, April 6!

Thank you, come again!
southpawjones.com
southpawjones.net
myspace.com/southpawjones
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2007 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.

Paw Prints
Pics of Southpaw, his environ, and his interweb:

30 years of Southpaw, 30 years of pictures. Come celebrate with my pals and me at Ruta Maya on Friday, April 6!

Is This Interesting?
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:

30 Things I’ve Learned in 30 Years (Part 1)

1. Squirrels do not make good pets.

2. It’s good to vote, but never let politics break your heart. That’s Wilco’s job.

3. If you can master inertia, you can do anything.

4. Folks love to hear preaching against other folks’ sins.

5. Women love men in uniform, because they wield some power AND they have surrendered to some power.

6. The most important goal of civilization is saving each citizen from hearing, smelling, or seeing another’s poo.

7. Always, always forgive, but never let the offender know.

8. You can either be a comic book collector or a comic book reader. I could never let them stay lonely in those awful bags.

9. If you can’t say anything nice, try saying “Winnie, fling rice.” If Winnie refuses to fling rice, well, you’ve got a problem.

10. Happiness is like a coyote in a Quizno’s. It only comes to you on a slow news day.

AND…My favorite type o’ mistakes are the ones that result in puns.

Online Museum of the Week
Stuff from 1977:

Rhyme Time!
One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

One who carries a mistake.
Highlight here for answer: [error bearer]

Plumb, Plumber, Plumbest
Signs o’ the times from Austin’s singing Jewish plumber, Herman Bennett:

Thank you, come again!
southpawjones.com
southpawjones.net
myspace.com/southpawjones
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2007 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.

Paw Prints
Pics of Southpaw, his environ, and his interweb:

30 years of Southpaw, 30 years of pictures. Come celebrate with my pals and me at Ruta Maya on Friday, April 6!

Is This Interesting?
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:

Today is the day I appear on KUT 90.5 FM here in Austin to promote my 30th Birthday Celebration. Tune in via radio or internet (link here) at noon!

As is my tradition here at the Gazette, I like to celebrate the passing months by revealing some of the very real searches that led people to southpawjones.net. These come from web traffic reports I get, and trust me, I am not making them up. I just pick out the strangest ones.

Perhaps the surfers who used these searches are reading right now. If so, well folks, I don’t know what you were looking for, but I invite you to become loyal readers of this here site.

Yours,
Captain No Fun

MARCH 2007 SEARCH STRINGS

• there is only you in my life
• gay jeans
• silly kittens
• famous people with colostomies
• kitten with sweater
• muddin
• silly string implants
• Lying Online
• buster bluth
• captain no fun
• death kitten
• doo-doo doot doot doo-doo-doo doo
• goofy songs for a funeral
• how to play hard to get
• kid falling of off chair
• retarded cats
• america on a stick
• 5 words that rhyme with monday
• Bald Kittens
• How much does it cost to go to Mark twain Museum
• I’m in tears and the cryin’ that I do is for you
• bad sneakers inner meaning
• busty russians
• hipster know it alls
• matt the plumber austin
• words that rhyme with deeply
• willie nelson using narcotic mushrooms

Online Museum of the Week
Stuff from the year I was born:

Quotopia
Freshly-picked quotes from the ol’ reference collection:

We swapped out instruments. Clef even thought about doing a live performance with an accordion. We wanted to surprise people.
Lauryn Hill

Rhyme Time!
One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

One man’s squeezable accordion chamber
Highlight here for answer: [fellow’s bellows]

Thank you, come again!
southpawjones.com
southpawjones.net
myspace.com/southpawjones
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2007 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.

Paw Prints
Pics of Southpaw, his environ, and his interweb:

30 years of Southpaw, 30 years of pictures. Come celebrate with my pals and me at Ruta Maya on Friday, April 6!

Is This Interesting?
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:

Hello, and happy Monday to all. I didn’t update the Southpaw Jones Virtual Excursion des Pieds last week, which means I’ve got two weeks worth of running and 28.6 new miles to help further my journey through Texas. Let’s see how we got to a total of 266 miles from Austin.

Week 1: 30 miles to Taylor, Texas
Week 2: 27 miles to Rockdale, Texas
Week 3: 20.7 miles to Caldwell, Texas
Week 4: 22.3 miles to Bryan/College Station, Texas
Week 5: 21 miles through Gibbons Creek Lake
Week 6: 24.4 miles to Hunstville, Texas
Week 7: 22 miles to Trinity, Texas
Week 8: 24 miles to Crockett, Texas
Week 9: 16 miles to Kennard, Texas
Week 10+11: 30 miles to Rusk, Texas
Week 12+13: 28.6 miles to…

Mt. Enterprise, Texas!

I’m so close to the Louisiana border, I can taste the Étouffée. What can I say about lovely Mt. Enterprise? Well, 528 folks live here, including zero registered sex offenders. Way to go! The Vinson Brothers settled here in 1832, hoping there was iron in that there hill, Mount Enterprise. According to the Handbook of Texas Online, “Mount Enterprise Male and Female College was begun in 1851, and it lasted until 1855.” I guess you had to get in on the ground floor for a rare four-year degree!

See you next week with another handful of miles from treadmill and trail to lead my imagination toward the Atlantic!

Online Museum of the Week
Stuff from 1977:

Quotopia
Freshly-picked quotes from the ol’ reference collection:

I’m 30 years old, I love listening to music, I have a studio in my house and mess around once in a while, but to be in the music business just doesn’t make sense to me. It seems like a lifetime ago.
Mark Wahlberg

Plumb, Plumber, Plumbest
Signs o’ the times from Austin’s singing Jewish plumber, Herman Bennett:

Thank you, come again!
southpawjones.com
southpawjones.net
myspace.com/southpawjones
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2007 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.

Paw Prints
Pics of Southpaw, his environ, and his interweb:

30 years of Southpaw, 30 years of pictures. Come celebrate with my pals and me at Ruta Maya on Friday, April 6!

New Orleans, Louisiana, 2003, with key-tar in hand and a backwards hat for some reason.

Rhyme Time!
One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

To calm down a controversial discussion.
Highlight here for answer: [abate debate]

Online Museum of the Week
If Geniuses Ruled:

Sorry, no longer available.

Quotopia
Freshly-picked quotes from the ol’ reference collection:

It is important to expect nothing, to take every experience, including the negative ones, as merely steps on the path, and to proceed.
Ram Dass

Plumb, Plumber, Plumbest
Signs o’ the times from Austin’s singing Jewish plumber, Herman Bennett:

Thank you, come again!
southpawjones.com
southpawjones.net
myspace.com/southpawjones
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2007 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.