Southpaw Jones

This weekend, I’ll attend the Big Range Dance Festival here in Austin. It’s a collection of contemporary dance, and sweet Maggie will perform as part of Spank Dance. Ellen Bartel is the producer/director, and she knows how to put together a wonderful show for the arts lover and the layman alike. Southpawjones.com is an official sponsor. Check it out!

Khalid wants to end up a martyr
So we have to be a touch smarter
Let’s focus his powers
On rebuilding towers
If he raises the dead, we can barter
LINK

Obama, finally champ!
Nominee of the Democrat camp!
He’s meeting with Clinton
Vice-president hintin’?
Oh, when will she give him her stamp?
LINK

Sex and the City proves women
Can keep movie registers brimmin’
Indiana Jones led
‘Till word of mouth spread
I say both films could use some good trimmin’
LINK

It isn’t like stories of old
When wealth-seekers panned in the cold
Thieves drain gas tanks
Without saying thanks
‘Cause gas is the new liquid gold
LINK

as reported in The New York Times

June 6, 1908
ROCKEFELLER FOOLS BOYS.
Two Great Danes Will Stop Their Swimming in His Lake.

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

Taxidermy class was pretty interesting today. Dr. Stuffem cleaned out the insides of a long-winged songbird, then he brought us up one by one to examine the…

Highlight here for answer: [hollow swallow]


The 700 Hoboes Project

Constant and frequent questioning is the first key to wisdom … For through doubting we are led to inquire, and by inquiry we perceive the truth.
Peter Abelard

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
with Matt the Electrician
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://www.flipnotics.com
________________________________________________________________

FRIDAY, JUNE 20, 2008
9:00 PM
Matt the Electrician & Southpaw Jones
Anderson Fair
2007 Grant St. 77006
HOUSTON, TX
713.528.8576
www.andersonfair.com
Doors open at 8:00pm

It might be the hardest location
To find a specific vocation
So ain’t it a bummer
That they need a plumber
To fix the john in the space station
LINK

“Bad karma” declares Sharon Stone
Made the Chinese earthquake-prone
Mistreating Tibet
Brought their shaking, she bet
Cosmic cause of Iceland’s? Unknown.
LINK
LINK

“This ain’t the McClellan we knew
Back when he was under our shoe
His new book? All lies!
We’re the trustworthy guys!
And Iran has the bomb now, it’s true.”
LINK

Will spotting a lost tribe remind us
That as much as we think we’ve refined us
We don’t know how to act
And I know for a fact
It would not behoove them to find us
LINK

as reported in The New York Times

May 30, 1908
WIRELESS TALK GOES FAR.
De Forest’s Message to His Wife Is Heard 78 Miles Away.
MARSEILLES — While Lee De Forest was talking to-day by means of his system of wireless telephony from the Exposition Building here with his wife, who was six miles off the coast on board the steamer Ile de France, the conversation was overheard at the radio-telegraph station at St. Marie de la Mar, seventy-eight miles away.

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

That wrapped and preserved corpse wants to hang out and get to know me. He even said he’d help me move. I’ve never met such a…

Highlight here for answer: [chummy mummy]


Anteater Coolness

In its essence, any art that relies on words makes use of their ability to eat away — of their corrosive function — just as etching depends on the corrosive power of nitric acid.
Yukio Mishima

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
with Matt the Electrician
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://www.flipnotics.com
________________________________________________________________

FRIDAY, JUNE 20, 2008
9:00 PM
Matt the Electrician & Southpaw Jones
Anderson Fair
2007 Grant St. 77006
HOUSTON, TX
713.528.8576
www.andersonfair.com
Doors open at 8:00pm

Coach, he loves his whistle
He sings to it in French
If you want to see him bristle
Go give his scar a pinch

If you want to see him samba
You’ll need to wait for rain
His favorite film’s La Bamba
It’s burned into his brain

He doesn’t speak too freely
Unless he feels unheard
Find him napping, really,
E’en though his speech be slurred

You’ll find he’s hooked on gristle
And to mask that nasty scent
He daily dips his whistle
In concentrated mint

as reported in The New York Times

May 29, 1908
OCULISTS OPERATE ON BRONX RHINO
Mogul Was Threatened with Blindness from Cataracts on Both Eyes.
WAS HARD TO CHLOROFORM
Half an Hour in Passing Under the Influence of the Anaesthetic
Mogul, pride of the rhinoceros family in the Bronx Zoological Park, was operated upon yesterday afternoon for blindness, supposed to be due to cataracts. This is the first operation of the sort ever performed on any of the inmates of the Zoo, and the five physicians who were employed on the case pronounced it a great success.

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

When I show the kids that the cow has four of these things, their eyes light up with bewilderment. Come sit in on my biology class and witness how the…

Highlight here for answer: [stomachs flummox]


Anteater Coolness

The dog was created specially for children. He is a god of frolic.
Henry Ward Beecher

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
with Matt the Electrician
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://www.flipnotics.com
________________________________________________________________

FRIDAY, JUNE 20, 2008
9:00 PM
Matt the Electrician & Southpaw Jones
Anderson Fair
2007 Grant St. 77006
HOUSTON, TX
713.528.8576
www.andersonfair.com
Doors open at 8:00pm

Seven minutes of tension and horror
Awaits the new Martian explorer
Have they planned well enough?
If the landing is rough
It’ll be tough to hire a restorer

California joined the chic
When they granted gay marriage last week
I’m all for the passion
But that rite is old-fashioned
I guess they really do dig antiques

As public interest has shifted to low key
David Cook holds the horn of the hokey
The weekly recital
Called American Idol
Crowned him King of Karaoke

This posting is late, I admit it
If you’re cursing my name, please quit it
It’s Friday, praise dog
If you dig this blog
Tuesday, I’ll return to transmit it

as reported in The New York Times

May 23, 1908
BAD EXPLOSION IN PARIS.
Two Killed and Many Injured in a Sugar Factory Accident.

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

When you experience the sensation of brushing your head on the top of the room, you know you’ve bounced too high on your pogo stick. We professional indoor pogo-ers call this the….

Highlight here for answer: [ceiling feeling]


Illustrated Catalog Of ACME Products

It is not easy to see how the more extreme forms of nationalism can long survive when men have seen the Earth in its true perspective as a single small globe against the stars.
Arthur C. Clarke

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
with Matt the Electrician
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://www.flipnotics.com
________________________________________________________________

WEDNESDAY, MAY 28, 2008
7:00 PM
Spike Gillespie’s Dick Monologues
Hyde Park Theater
AUSTIN, TX
dickmonologues.com
________________________________________________________________

FRIDAY, JUNE 20, 2008
9:00 PM
Matt the Electrician & Southpaw Jones
Anderson Fair
2007 Grant St. 77006
HOUSTON, TX
713.528.8576
www.andersonfair.com
Doors open at 8:00pm

Moses climbed the climbing rock
Got shoes up at the climbing store
The clerk, he searched the climbing stock
And asked, “What’s all the climbing for?”

“To satisfy your soul’s behoove-ment?
Simply for the self-improvement?
Peace and societal remove-ment?
Because you need to feel the groove-ment?”

Moses told the climbing clerk:
“I don’t climb for climbing kicks.
Don’t think me now a climbing jerk;
I do it for the climbing chicks.”

as reported in The New York Times

May 19, 1908
RUSH THE STRAW HAT SEASON.
Many Men Wear Them and the June 15 Tradition Is Shattered.
Throwing conventions to the four winds, New Yorkers yesterday took advantage of the Summer day and appeared in straw hats. The tradition that straw hats shall not be worn before June 15 was ignored by many courageous citizens, and in the hotels straws and Panamas were shown so frequently that they ceased to attract attention.

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

I can see right through that contemptuous, curled upper lip of yours. No seriously, I think your face is fading away! You clearly have a…

Highlight here for answer: [sheer sneer]


Illustrated Catalog Of ACME Products

I should dearly love that the world should be ever so little better for my presence. Even on this small stage we have our two sides, and something might be done by throwing all one’s weight on the scale of breadth, tolerance, charity, temperance, peace, and kindliness to man and beast. We can’t all strike very big blows, and even the little ones count for something.
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
with Matt the Electrician
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://www.flipnotics.com
________________________________________________________________

WEDNESDAY, MAY 28, 2008
7:00 PM
Spike Gillespie’s Dick Monologues
Hyde Park Theater
AUSTIN, TX
dickmonologues.com
________________________________________________________________

FRIDAY, JUNE 20, 2008
9:00 PM
Matt the Electrician & Southpaw Jones
Anderson Fair
2007 Grant St. 77006
HOUSTON, TX
713.528.8576
www.andersonfair.com
Doors open at 8:00pm