Southpaw Jones

Southpaw Jones presents
Is This Interesting?
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:

Matt the Electrician and I had a fun night at Café Mundi last night. Thanks to everyone who came out.

Today, I’d like to give a big “humbug” to gift cards. Don’t get me wrong, now, I enjoy receiving them and spending them. By all means, if you have one for me, please don’t hesitate to gimme, gimme, gimme! But generally, in my humble opinion, it’s gotten out of hand. Some info-bits:

Graphic courtesy of cardweb.com.
About 80 BILLION dollars will be spent on gift cards this year.

Best Buy claimed a profit of 43 MILLION dollars in 2006 due specifically to unused gift cards.

So it’s great for retailers, no doubt about it. And more power to them. If some bloke doesn’t care to spend free money, then yeah, the retailers should keep it and roll around in it.

But it’s more the message and idea of gift cards that bothers me. Let me oversimplify and say that there are three ways one can spend money: Needs, Wants, and Charity. Am I leaving anything out?

In America, we have a great deal of trouble controlling our Wants. Folks in my particular neighborhood are not exactly skinny and lacking. [Except for the gypsies, of course.] I don’t make gobs of money, but I do pay my bills, and when I Want something really, really bad, well, I can usually spring for it. Especially items under $100, well over the gift-giving range. So when someone says, “Here, go get something nice and silly for yourself.” Frankly, that’s nothing new. I do that ALL the time. SEVERAL times a week. Lunches out, new CDs, Snickers bars, red wine, etc.

Let me use an example here: Say I’ve got a friend Joe. No, say I have a friend in a flowing nightgown named Consuela. Yes, much better. Consuela decides to buy me a $20 gift card for Best Buy. I decide to buy Consuela a $20 gift card for Macy’s. In an instant, that’s $40 that can no longer possibly be used for Needs or Charity. Consuela can spare $20 when she Wants to. That’s obvious, after all, she spent that on my card. And I can certainly spare $20 when I Want something. I Wanted to spend it on her card.

But from an outsider’s perspective, let’s say someone who has trouble paying for Needs, this all must look like a sick joke. There’s even a commercial now that blatantly showcases the strangeness of two men exchanging identical cards. We are saying to the universe, “We are the richest country in the world, and I declare that this $20 MAY NOT be spent on Needs or Charity, the best ways to spend money. NO! I want my friend or relative to spend this money on something they don’t even really want that badly, or they would have already purchased it. DO NOT buy groceries with it. DO NOT buy gasoline or electricity. DO NOT give it to someone less fortunate. Your house is filled with toys, and I want you to stuff one or two new ones in there. You deserve it.”

I’m really not a Grinch or a Scrooge or a Christmas Jerk, I swear. I just think we should get back to that old Mafia tradition: Mysterious Envelopes of Cold Hard Cash. It may not be more thoughtful, but it really is more respectful. What do you think?

AND ANOTHER THING
Southpaw Jones presents
And Another Thing…
More verbosity with velocity and viscosity:

Here’s a charming letter from Republican Rep. Virgil Goode Jr. of Virginia. So far, he refuses to apologize.

Photo credit: cnn.com
Thank you for your recent communication. When I raise my hand to take the oath on Swearing In Day, I will have the Bible in my other hand. I do not subscribe to using the Koran in any way. The Muslim Representative from Minnesota was elected by the voters of that district and if American citizens don’t wake up and adopt the Virgil Goode position on immigration there will likely be many more Muslims elected to office and demanding the use of the Koran. We need to stop illegal immigration totally and reduce legal immigration and end the diversity visas policy pushed hard by President Clinton and allowing many persons from the Middle East to come to this country. I fear that in the next century we will have many more Muslims in the United States if we do not adopt the strict immigration policies that I believe are necessary to preserve the values and beliefs traditional to the United States of America and to prevent our resources from being swamped.

Sincerely yours,
Virgil H. Goode, Jr.
70 E. Court St., Suite 215
Rocky Mount, Va. 24151

Wow. First off, it would be hard to get a Koran to stay up on a wall. That’s some hefty tickty-tack. Second, every educated adult knows that “values and beliefs traditional to the United States of America” include theft, genocide, slavery, and tea-related terrorism. Stop talking baby talk! Third, when he uses “swamped,” I think he means “drained.” Fourth, if this guy were in charge, we’d have never scored Einstein, Frank Capra, Schwarzenegger, etc. Shut up, Mr. Goode. Take your tight-fleshed Rocky Mount face out of your butt.

Southpaw Jones presents
Online Museum of the Week
Scared of Santa!:

Southpaw Jones presents
Quotopia
Freshly-picked quotes from the ol’ reference collection:
Jacob Marley: In life, my spirit never rose beyond the limits of our money-changing holes! Now I am doomed to wander without rest or peace, incessant torture and remorse!

Jacob Marley: BUSINESS? Mankind was my business! Their common welfare was my business! And it is at this time of the rolling year that I suffer most!

Scrooge (1951 film)

Southpaw Jones presents
SPJTV
Moving pictures because technology allows it:

An early Christmas present for my sweetheart, the ultimate collection of feline follies:

Thank you, come again!



www.southpawjones.com
www.southpawjones.net
www.myspace.com/southpawjones
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2006 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.

Southpaw Jones presents
Is This Interesting?
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:

Happy Friday to you and yours. We had a fun night at Flipnotics last night. I performed with Cole Roulain on drums and mandolin and Lindsey Verrill on upright bass. Thanks to both of them for enhancing my tunes and my stage presence. Thanks to everyone who attended the show despite all the holiday madness. My cup overfloweth.

My friends Paul and Aimee added newborn Sophie Noelle to their family this week. Congratulations to them! Paul played drums for me for several years in many odd venues and on The Southpaw Jones Starter Kit. It wasn’t that long ago that he elbowed me in the eye so hard that I bled in front of a girl I liked. Admittedly, it was a defensive move…I was trying to tackle him. Also back in college, we walked two miles on ice to get to a Taco Bell that was, of course, closed for the night. Anyhoo, Paul and Aimee have been ultra-supportive of my career, emotionally, financially, and musically. I don’t get to see them as much as I would like.

So today, in their honor, I present a link that Paul shared with me back in November, Ukes for Troops!

Have a great weekend everybody.

Southpaw Jones presents
SPJTV
Moving pictures because technology allows it:

Rockin’ Benny Hinn!

Southpaw Jones presents
If I Had a Million Dollars
Unnecessary products that inexplicably tempt me:

6′ Barbed Wire Garland
$4.99
For a truly Texan Xmas!

Southpaw Jones presents
Fool Around Friday
Silly games for silly times:

Well, I’m having trouble getting a game into the Gazette today, but trust me when I say you simply MUST play WINTERBELLS. It’s the beautiful story of a white bunny’s struggle to jump from bell to beautiful bell in a world of snow and beautifully fitting music. TRY IT!

Southpaw Jones presents
Quotopia
Freshly-picked quotes from the ol’ reference collection:
It’s Christmas Eve! I could be home right now, drinking this monster eggnog my brother makes with lighter fluid.
Curtis Armstrong as Charles De Mar in Better Off Dead

Thank you, come again!



www.southpawjones.com
www.southpawjones.net
www.myspace.com/southpawjones
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2006 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.

Curtis Armstrong as Charles De Mar in Better Off Dead

www.bronners.com/1100445.html
6′ Barbed Wire Garland $4.99
For a truly Texan Xmas!
us.st11.yimg.com/us.st.yimg.com/I/bronners_1929_44508644

Southpaw Jones presents
Is This Interesting?
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:

You know, things weren’t going quite so bad until we had a right-handed president:

Ronald Reagan 40th
George H.W. Bush 41st
Bill Clinton 42nd

All left-handed! Now, I realize that some folks aren’t aware of the origins of “Southpaw,” so I thought I’d share them today. Turns out, it’s a bit of a controversy. From Wikipedia:
A left-handed individual may be known as a southpaw, particularly in a sports context. It is widely accepted that the term originated in the United States, in the game of baseball. Ballparks are often designed so that the batter is facing east, in order that the afternoon or evening sun does not shine in his/her eyes. This means that left-handed pitchers are throwing from the south side. The first use of the term is credited to Finley Peter Dunne. However, the Oxford English Dictionary lists a non-baseball citation for “south paw”, meaning a punch with the left hand, as early as 1848, just three years after the first organized baseball game.

In boxing, someone who boxes left-handed is frequently referred to as southpaw. The term is also used to refer to a stance in which the boxer places his right foot in front of his left, so it is possible for a right-handed boxer to box with a southpaw stance. Most boxers, southpaw or otherwise, tend to train with sparring partners who adopt a right-handed stance, which gives southpaws an advantage.

All I know is, I play guitar left-handed or flipped or upside-down and “Southpaw” is a heck of a lot more interesting than my real name…Bubba.

Southpaw Jones presents
iPawed [Original]
Pound for pound, the best sounds around. For free!

SOUTHPAW’S 10 DAYS OF XMAS! FREE MP3s of my 10 “Greatest Hits,” available for a limited time. Get ‘em and share ‘em while you can!

Finally, here is my wildly fictional account of The Last Remaning Beatle. I hope you’ve enjoyed Southpaw’s 10 Days of Christmas. I’ll leave all the songs up for a few more days, so tell your friends to download for free while supplies last. We’ll have to do this again sometime!

The Last Remaning Beatle

Southpaw Jones presents
Online Museum of the Week
Scared of Santa!:

Southpaw Jones presents
SPJTV
Moving pictures because technology allows it:

How to Be a Psychic, Lesson 453: Sugar, you just gotta stick to your guns, no matter how…awkward…and…horrible…the reading becomes.

Southpaw Jones presents
Quotopia
Freshly-picked quotes from the ol’ reference collection:
To burn always with this hard, gem-like flame, to maintain this ecstasy, is success in life.
Walter Pater

Thank you, come again!



www.southpawjones.com
www.southpawjones.net
www.myspace.com/southpawjones
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2006 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.

Southpaw Jones presents
Is This Interesting?
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:

It’s Friday, my friends. I’m tired, and I don’t feel like writing too much today. I do want to thank you all for stopping by this week. We had 169 visits yesterday, and numbers like that keep me going. So please continue to spread the word and make the Gazette a part of your weekday routine. Oh, and enjoy the four fun Friday things I have included below!

I do want to share a quote from an e-mail I got today. I work for a company hereby known at American Money Team, and our big holiday shindig is coming up. We each get three drink tickets. Alcoholic drinks, mind you! So of course, here is the stern warning to avoid any significant fun following the consumption of said beverages:
On occasion, overindulgence may lead an individual to exercise poor judgment. This could include engaging in conduct that may be viewed by others as offensive, unprofessional, inappropriate or unwelcome. Please remember that the company’s policies with regard to comments, jokes, remarks, innuendo, unwelcome touching and other behavior considered inappropriate as a matter of company policy apply in the context of a work party as well as in the office. The spirit of the season should not lead any employee to believe that the general rules of decorum and respect for co-workers do not apply. Failure to adhere to company policy, even in the context of a work party, may result in disciplinary action.

It’s official, there is no such thing as adulthood. All those things we were told as children about freedom and consequences and personal responsibility? Those were all lies. We’re all still in pre-school, where even parties occur under the cumulonimbus cloud of “disciplinary action.” Way to kill my buzz, AMT.

Southpaw Jones presents
SPJTV
Moving pictures because technology allows it:

KITTEN VS. PUPPY: APAWCALYPSE MEOW!

Southpaw Jones presents
Paw Prints
Pics of Southpaw, his environ, and his interweb:

Ok, don’t freak out! This picture will look like it’s moving until you focus on one spot for a few seconds. Slowly, calmly…yes, you’ve got it.

Southpaw Jones presents
If I Had a Million Dollars
Unnecessary products that inexplicably tempt me:

Adler’s Silverplated Holder & Tabasco® Sauce 2oz
$15.00

Southpaw Jones presents
Fool Around Friday
Silly games for silly times:

This guy REALLY wants your cursor. And he usually gets what he wants. Good luck! I found the game here.

Thank you, come again!



www.southpawjones.com
www.southpawjones.net
www.myspace.com/southpawjones
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2006 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.

Southpaw Jones presents
Is This Interesting?
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:

I’d like to say THANK YOU to everyone who visits southpawjones.net regularly. We’re averaging around 100 visits a day, which is modest, but the site is only 3 months old. I’d love to see 1,000 folks dropping by every day, and I don’t think that’s an unrealistic dream. So thanks for being part of the early goings, and please continue to check it out and tell your friends.

It’s Political Day here at The Gazette. The mid-term election is coming up, and I just can’t avoid typing about it. Type, type, tippety-toppety-toe! The question this year is: Should Southpaw vote? Perhaps Southpaw should make lists.

Reasons to Vote:
1. It’s a beautiful gesture of democracy.
2. Men & women died so I could.
3. We can’t just let old people run everything.

Reasons Not to Vote:
1. All politicians are dissociative psychpaths.
2. No candidate strikes me as a vertebrate leader.
3. I don’t trust electronic voting machines.

That’s right, it’s that last one that is the real kicker. Electronic voting machines, like the ones we have in Texas, are notoriously untrustworthy. Article after article after programmer after advocate has come out with suspicions and clear-cut allegations of fraud.

Here’s a story from a Beaumont, Texas TV station about machines that select straight-ticket Republican when voters point at the opposite, straight-ticket Democrat! Need I say more?

I just want a piece of paper confirming the votes I made, and I want it to go in a locked box. You buy a pack of gum, and you get a receipt. You vote for the future of your community and country, and you get a pretty sticker. If I am to respect the act of voting, then I want the act of voting to respect me in return. Pressing buttons on a voting machine is like saying a prayer. I don’t know if anyone even hears it. I don’t know if anyone cares what I have to say or if they’ll grant my wish. It’s like a joke, but it’s not funny.

Here’s my prediction: The Democrats may gain a seat or two, but they will not win the House nor the Senate. Exit polls will conflict with official results. There will be many, many races split 48%/52% or 49%/51%, so that folks on the losing side can feel like they “got so close” and “made progress.” I really do hope my prediction is dead wrong, but my hope means about as much as my electronic vote.

I know, it’s a depressing, cynical viewpoint, but all is not lost, my friends. Even if we lose our Democracy and our electoral voice completely, we still have unimaginable strength as the citizenry of this country and this planet.

The only language powerful people understand is money, so our most powerful weapons in this broken society are our work and our wallets. When people get really upset, they stop working and they flood the streets. Governments and corporations HATE THAT! Oooo, boy, do they hate that. You don’t want Wal-Mart enriching China on every corner? Stop shopping there! You want a month of vacation from work? Organize your co-workers and demand it! It works in Europe, and it used to work here. This has been Southbot 2000 set on “Rant.” Back to you, Fun Time.

Southpaw Jones presents
SPJTV
Moving pictures because technology allows it:

I don’t know much about Vernon Robinson. He’s running for Congress in North Carolina. Here is his commercial, the most outlandish political ad I have ever seen:

What can I say? That’s some wild stuff to see in 2006, my friends.

Spike Gillespie presents
Spaiku!
A look at her world / seventeen syllables and / three lines at a time:

i say, “what happens
in nia, stays in nia.”
this pays off for me.

Southpaw Jones presents
Online Museum of the Week
The Corazon Free Trade Lucha Libre Mask Collection:

Super Muneca!

Southpaw Jones presents
Quotopia
Freshly-picked quotes from the ol’ reference collection:
Heroism on command, senseless violence, and all the loathsome nonsense that goes by the name of patriotism - how passionately I hate them!
Albert Einstein

Thank you, come again!
www.southpawjones.net
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2006 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.