Southpaw Jones

Southpaw Jones presents
Is This Interesting?
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:

I’d like to say THANK YOU to everyone who visits southpawjones.net regularly. We’re averaging around 100 visits a day, which is modest, but the site is only 3 months old. I’d love to see 1,000 folks dropping by every day, and I don’t think that’s an unrealistic dream. So thanks for being part of the early goings, and please continue to check it out and tell your friends.

It’s Political Day here at The Gazette. The mid-term election is coming up, and I just can’t avoid typing about it. Type, type, tippety-toppety-toe! The question this year is: Should Southpaw vote? Perhaps Southpaw should make lists.

Reasons to Vote:
1. It’s a beautiful gesture of democracy.
2. Men & women died so I could.
3. We can’t just let old people run everything.

Reasons Not to Vote:
1. All politicians are dissociative psychpaths.
2. No candidate strikes me as a vertebrate leader.
3. I don’t trust electronic voting machines.

That’s right, it’s that last one that is the real kicker. Electronic voting machines, like the ones we have in Texas, are notoriously untrustworthy. Article after article after programmer after advocate has come out with suspicions and clear-cut allegations of fraud.

Here’s a story from a Beaumont, Texas TV station about machines that select straight-ticket Republican when voters point at the opposite, straight-ticket Democrat! Need I say more?

I just want a piece of paper confirming the votes I made, and I want it to go in a locked box. You buy a pack of gum, and you get a receipt. You vote for the future of your community and country, and you get a pretty sticker. If I am to respect the act of voting, then I want the act of voting to respect me in return. Pressing buttons on a voting machine is like saying a prayer. I don’t know if anyone even hears it. I don’t know if anyone cares what I have to say or if they’ll grant my wish. It’s like a joke, but it’s not funny.

Here’s my prediction: The Democrats may gain a seat or two, but they will not win the House nor the Senate. Exit polls will conflict with official results. There will be many, many races split 48%/52% or 49%/51%, so that folks on the losing side can feel like they “got so close” and “made progress.” I really do hope my prediction is dead wrong, but my hope means about as much as my electronic vote.

I know, it’s a depressing, cynical viewpoint, but all is not lost, my friends. Even if we lose our Democracy and our electoral voice completely, we still have unimaginable strength as the citizenry of this country and this planet.

The only language powerful people understand is money, so our most powerful weapons in this broken society are our work and our wallets. When people get really upset, they stop working and they flood the streets. Governments and corporations HATE THAT! Oooo, boy, do they hate that. You don’t want Wal-Mart enriching China on every corner? Stop shopping there! You want a month of vacation from work? Organize your co-workers and demand it! It works in Europe, and it used to work here. This has been Southbot 2000 set on “Rant.” Back to you, Fun Time.

Southpaw Jones presents
SPJTV
Moving pictures because technology allows it:

I don’t know much about Vernon Robinson. He’s running for Congress in North Carolina. Here is his commercial, the most outlandish political ad I have ever seen:

What can I say? That’s some wild stuff to see in 2006, my friends.

Spike Gillespie presents
Spaiku!
A look at her world / seventeen syllables and / three lines at a time:

i say, “what happens
in nia, stays in nia.”
this pays off for me.

Southpaw Jones presents
Online Museum of the Week
The Corazon Free Trade Lucha Libre Mask Collection:

Super Muneca!

Southpaw Jones presents
Quotopia
Freshly-picked quotes from the ol’ reference collection:
Heroism on command, senseless violence, and all the loathsome nonsense that goes by the name of patriotism - how passionately I hate them!
Albert Einstein

Thank you, come again!
www.southpawjones.net
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2006 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.

Southpaw Jones presents
Is This Interesting?
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:

Happy Friday to all! Below, I’ve got some video of Stephen Colbert discussing the existence of God with Richard Dawkins. I fully intended to explore my own thoughts on the subject, but it’s Friday, dang it, and I’m just gonna hang loose.

I’ve got tickets to see the boys of Stella both tonight and Saturday! The comedy trio includes Michael Ian Black, David Wain, and (my favorite) Michael Showalter. Tonight, they’re presenting the original, filthy Stella Shorts at the Alamo Drafthouse Downtown. Saturday, the two Michaels will perform stand-up at Emo’s. I love this here town.

Before I leave you to sections 2 through 5, I have one question. I’ve been working in an office for almost a month now, and I have to know: Why does executive poop smell worse than any other man-made poop? I’ve been in truck stops, Luby’s, and Kerrville octo-johns, but these dudes are by far the most offensive producers. Is it the stress? The coffee? Please, Mr. Before Me in the W.C., if you’re reading this, go see a damn doctor.

Southpaw Jones presents
SPJTV
Moving pictures because technology allows it:

Spike Gillespie presents
Spaiku!
A look at her world / seventeen syllables and / three lines at a time:

empower? did i
just say empower? oh crap,
what next‹sting music?

Southpaw Jones presents
And Another Thing…
More verbosity with velocity and viscosity:

I found an easy-to-use Essay Generator, so I decided to cook up an essay about myself. Honestly, I learned a great deal:

An essay on Southpaw Jones

I shall now enrich your life by sharing with you about Southpaw Jones. I really, really like Southpaw Jones. While it is becoming a hot topic for debate, there are just not enough blues songs written about Southpaw Jones. It still has the power to shock the easily lead, who just don’t like that sort of thing. Here begins my indepth analysis of the glourious subject of Southpaw Jones.

Social Factors

Comparisons between Roman Society and Medieval Society give a clear picture of the importance of Southpaw Jones to developments in social conduct. I will not insult the readers inteligence by explaining this obvious comparison any further. When J H Darcy said ‘fevour will spread’ [1] she created a monster which society has been attempting to tame ever since. A society without Southpaw Jones is like a society without knowledge, in that it irons out misconceptions from our consciousness.

Nothing represents every day life better than Southpaw Jones, and I mean nothing. It grows stonger every day.

Political Factors

Politics, we all agree, is a fact of life. Comparing international relations since the end of the century can be like observing Southpaw Jones now, and its equivalent in the 1800s.

Take a moment to consider the words of nobel prize winner Achilles B. Adger ‘political change changes politics, but where does it go?’ [2] One cannot help but agree when faced with Southpaw Jones, that this highlights an important issue. Perhaps the word which sums up the importance of Southpaw Jones to politics is ‘participation’.

Since the Renaissance Southpaw Jones has become more and more prevalent. May it continue.

Conclusion

What can we conclude? Well, Southpaw Jones may not be the best thing since sliced bread, but it’s still important. It questions, ‘literally’ plants seeds for harvest, and statistically it’s great.

I will leave you with the words of Hollywood’s Ozzy Garfunkel: ‘I demand Southpaw Jones, nothing more nothing less.’ [3]
——————————————————————————–
[1] J H Darcy - The Spaniard - 1988 - PPT

[2] Adger - Politics Per Day - 2000 Jinder Publishing

[3] It Magazine - Issue 302 - Spam Media Group

Southpaw Jones presents
Fool Around Friday
Silly games for silly times:

I sincerely hope you fare better at this game than I did. I will not be held responsible if you break any part of your computer, surroundings, or person as a result of playing it. Here’s where I found it.

Thank you, come again!
www.southpawjones.net
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2006 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.

Southpaw Jones presents
Is This Interesting?
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:
Alright, I think it’s time I finish the story of my trip to the Northwest. I woke up in Portland on the last day of the trip, and I headed to church with Raina Rose and her father. Just any church, Southpaw? Nay, the First Unitarian Church of Portland, one of the largest congregations of its kind. It took up a whole city block, maybe more.

I visited just in time for the return of their Senior Minister, Rev. Dr. Marilyn Sewell. She had been to some far away places, and she seemed pumped for an annual presentation called “What’s It All About, Alfie?” The ushers handed out paper, and we were instructed to write questions about anything and everything. The good Rev. Dr. then answered them extemporaneously. I did not submit a question, although “Where’s the coffee?” weighed heavily on my mind.

It was wild to see someone field huge questions of life, love, and the great beyond off-the-cuff on a Sunday morning. Dr. Sewell did a great job. Turns out she was a Sunday School teacher in a Southern Baptist church. When she divorced her husband, that community ostracized her and took away the position she loved. After years of searching, she went to seminary for The Enemy, Unitarianism. Silly Baptists, judgment is for kids.

Having grown up in a strict church environ myself, it was wild to hear such open, unassuming talk from a pulpit. I had been to UU churches before, but I suppose I’ll never get used to it. For example, one question read, “Does God feel emotions?” Dr. Sewell began her response with, “Well, this question presupposes there is a God…” And so it goes.

Southpaw Jones presents
SPJTV
Moving pictures because technology allows it:
Woo! Do NOT mess with this video unless you’re prepared to be out of commission for a minute or two. It will make your world wavy like gravy. You’ll probably get a better effect by choosing the full-screen option here.

Spike Gillespie presents
A Haiku History of the World
A look at our past, / seventeen syllables and / three lines at a time:

The Twin Towers fall.
Sorrow, anger and pride rise
up from the ashes.

Atomic Robot presents
Wikipedioh?
What you might not know about what you might now know:
The Worst Video Game of All Time

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/E.T._%28video_game%29

Despite truly miraculous titles like Custer’s Revenge, the sheer size and weight of ET: The Video Game’s failure grants it the title of “Worst Video Game of All Time.”

Here’s what Wikipedia tells us:

“E.T. is seen by many as the death knell for Atari and is widely regarded as one of the worst video games ever produced as well as one of the biggest commercial failures in video gaming history. The game’s failure is often epitomized as a major contributing factor of the video game crash of 1983.”

Atari execs, confident that the brand recognition alone of Atari and E.T. would guarantee the game’s success, commissioned Howard Scott Warshaw to program the game, giving him five weeks to turn out the finished product. The game proved to be such a colossal flop that millions of excess cartridges of the game were buried in the New Mexico desert.

Here’s what Wikipedia doesn’t tell you:

Twenty years later, that particular section of the New Mexico desert has grown into a lovely oasis of video game trees.

Southpaw Jones presents
Rhyme Time!
One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:
A twisty-turny infectious agent
This is a tough one…my bad!
Highlight here for answer: [viral spiral]

Thank you, come again!
www.southpawjones.net
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2006 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.

Southpaw Jones presents
Is This Interesting?
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:
Good morning! I’m celebrating internet access today. In my apartment! 24/7! I’m working online with oatmeal and coffee for which I did not have to pay $5! It rocks. I should have invested in this long ago, but then again, the Austin coffeehouse scene is pretty sweet. Independent coffeehouses, at that. I’m sure I’ll return to Flipnotics, Austin Java, Summer Moon, Green Muse, Flight Path, Little City, Ruta Maya, Garden District, etc. from time to time. How could I not?

I had a vonderful time at Café Mundi last night thanks to an awesome crowd and 3 talented guests: Owen Egerton, Letherbag, and Harold Ambler. Thanks to you Austinites for the continued support and sing-a-longs! Matt the Electrician will return next week.

Southpaw Jones presents
And Another Thing…
More verbosity with velocity and viscosity:
But back to Owen for a second. Owen has long been an mentor to me and many others in Austin. He is a comedian, writer, and 1/3 of the legendary Sinus Show. But he’s also one of those pure, genuine people who just aren’t that common. The fearlessness and honesty he displayed last night remain inspiring to me this morning.

And so, in his honor, I am compelled to come clean and admit something to you all. I, along with Owen, Henri, and Joe, am part of an up-and-coming boy band called Cedar Fever. There, I feel better. I don’t want to say much, but I will mention that we’ll be appearing in Austin real soon. Oh, and there’s that video…

Southpaw Jones presents
SPJTV
Moving pictures because technology allows it:
I now present to you the southpawjones.net premeire of Cedar Fever’s debut video, U Gave Me the Clap. Not for the weak at heart:

Spike Gillespie presents
A Haiku History of the World
A look at our past, / seventeen syllables and / three lines at a time:

Russia leads space race.
So? They get Sputnik but we
get Elvis Presley.

The Ginn Sisters present
Something’s Gotta Go!
One of the following must cease to exist except in your memory. Which is it?

Bob Dylan or The Beatles
Discuss!

Thank you, come again!
www.southpawjones.net
©2006 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.

Tuesday writes cheques its butt can’t cash.

Southpaw Jones presents
Is This Interesting?
The core of the blogosphere, thoughts and feelings that just might not matter:

Welcome, friends, to the first day of business, activity, and mirth here at the all-new southpawjones.net. I feel so modern. I feel “with it” for the first time in decades. I am going to blog to my heart’s content about my boss, my landlord, my commute, dog, chest hair, and girlfriend.

Actually, I’m not. At least not yet. For now, I just want to present some web-based info-tainment that only my wonderful friends and I can provide. My goal is five (5) chunks of fun five (5) times a week. I’ll take weekends off for the good of all. Can you dig it? (You actually have the ability to leave Comments and let me know whether or not you can dig it!)

I’m excited about this new venture, and I hope you’ll bookmark the page. You know, add it to your daily or weekly routine. They say that an apple is more energizing than coffee in the morning, but they lie. They will say anything to get that moist, sinful fruit into your mouth-place. NAY, the most energizing daily force is THE SOUTHPAW JONES FUN TIME GAZETTE. Enjoy, tell your friends, and let me know what you think! Thanks!

Spike Gillespie presents
A Haiku History of the World
A look at our past, / seventeen syllables and / three lines at a time:

Big Bang or maybe
six days of work, one of rest.
Somehow, it begins.

Southpaw Jones presents
SPJTV
Moving pictures because technology allows it:

Check out this short video from the Kerrville Folk Festival 2004. I’m performing “Everyman” in a tent for Idgy Vaughn and Michael Shay. Very, very late at night. My voice is on life support, but my hair is standing strong!

Abi Tapia presents
Abi Tapia’s America
Our own wanderlusty singer/songwriter offers views from her lens:

Southpaw Jones presents
Quotopia
Freshly-picked quotes from the ol’ reference collection:

Journalism is the ability to meet the challenge of filling space.
Dame Rebecca West

Thank you, come again!