Southpaw Jones

Hey, did you happen to see the most beautiful Monday?

November 20, 2006 By: Southpaw Jones Category: Paw Prints, Interesting?

Southpaw Jones presents
Is This Interesting?
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:

Yes, it’s a Monday, but Monday of a three-day-week. I’ll have Thursday off for eating and Friday off for shopping. What a country! Today, I’m resurrecting a piece of work I put together years ago. It’s called…

Lenny Kravitz Vs. The Children of America

Let’s face it, friends, Mr. Lenny Krapvitz is nothing more than a shoddy Bob John Marley Lennon composite who fills a hole in the marketplace because Julian and Ziggy couldn’t cut the mustard. Lenny has about as much true depth as Christina Aguilera’s eye shadow, and if he were a real man, he would have married Vanessa Huxtable, not Denise.

Let’s look at a few fun facts you may
not know about ol’ Lenny:

–He is the only child of TV news producer Sy Kravitz and actress Roxie Roker.

–His parents belong to different races: rich and richer.

–After hearing the music of Prince, he began to call himself “Romeo Blue.”

–His parents encouraged his musical interest by escorting him to performances by Duke Ellington, Sarah Vaughan, James Brown, and the Jackson 5 before he was 11 years old.

–His father financed his attempts to get a record deal and the recording of his first album.

–His wife Lisa Bonet directed his first video.

Let’s get this straight: The only son of a famous TV star mother and a rich TV producer father, the first husband of a rich and famous actress, somehow became a rich and famous musician? HOLY STRAMBOLI, BIG SURPRISE!!! Then again, I’m sure I’m just jealous, and Lenny would have made it on talent alone regardless of his upbringing.

But because I’m jealous, I put together this little page pitting poor Lenny’s lyrics against the poetry of ordinary children from accross our fair country. You tell me which is more entertaining. And yes, I realize that Krapvitz focuses on grooves more than words, but I couldn’t find too many ordianary children with the resources to “lay down grooves” that Lenny had as a child. So the Lenny Grooves vs. Kid Grooves will have to be called a “no contest.” Having said that, here’s the verbage:

Round One begins with Lenny, from “You’re My Flavor”:

The way you love me
Is like a needle in my vein
When you’re not around me
You know it just don’t feel the same

The way you touch me
Somehow it takes away the pain
And now I’m a junkie
I’m running around without a brain

Now to the children. Tashina Lee, age 10, grade 3, from Alaska writes:

Dolphin

Very nice,
Very playful,
They are trustful,
They have a blowhole

I think the winner is obvious in the early stages. More from Romeo Blue now, with his sell-out hit “Fly Away,” currently providing a soundtrack for Nissan commercials and extra bulk in Lenny’s wallet.

I wish that I could fly
into the sky so very high
Just like a dragonfly
I’d fly above the trees
over the seas in all degrees
To anywhere I please…
Let’s go and see the stars
The Milky Way or even Mars
Where it could just be ours
Let’s fade into the sun
Let your spirit fly
Where we are one
Just for a little fun

Whew! That one could be tough to beat, kids…who’s up to the challenge? How about Rachel Gauger, age 13, grade 7, from McMinnville, TN:

THE LAW OF GRAVITY

ROBIN, ROBIN IN THE SKY
WHY DID YOU DO THAT IN MY EYE
GEE, I’M GLAD PIGS DON’T FLY!

Nice work, Rachel. Please, everyone, try to subdue your laughter as Lenny kicks off Round 3 with a section from “God is Love”:

And though much time has passed
His words and promises always last
And I am here to say
That He loves each one of us in every way

God is love
He makes the rain that makes the flowers
God is love
And so amazing are His powers
God is love
And if you are ready He’s gonna be ready for you

I’m sure God is flattered, he likes his chicken battered, Lenny. But can you match the stuff-I-found-around-the-room metaphors of Elizabeth Broadway, age 8, from Escondido, CA?

FEELINGS

When I am sad
I feel like a burned out lightbulb.
When I am happy
I feel like a marker that was just bought.
When I am tired
I feel like a pencil that just ran out of lead.
When I am lonely
I feel like a lost sock in a dark, empty corner.
When I am nervous
I feel like a ballerina on a tight rope.

That is pure !$#%@* poetry right there, and I type this with no sarcasm. Still, let’s give Lenny one more chance. Chew on this selection from “Come on and Love Me”:

Lay your body next to mine
You don’t have to take off all your clothes ooh
But if the only thing you take off is your mind
You and I gonna have a real good time
Oh you and I can’t wait for that too long
Oh come on and love me
Come on and love me

I think that about sums it up. If only I could take off my mind, I could have a real good time with the music of Lenny Kravitz. Oh, well, this thing is over, but let’s go ahead and hear from Kathryn Queen, age 9, from Escondido, CA:

HEARTS

Hearts give out love
As they walk through your body.
They swiftly fly on doves
To be in time to greet company.
They pump all day on bicycles
To keep you alive so you won’t die.

And Kravitz takes one more blow to the head for the KO in Round 4 of this exhibition! That’s too bad. How does is feel to be leveled by a nine-year-old, Lenny?

Look, I’m not saying that the guy is worthless, really. It just seems to me that anyone with half a brain, Lenny’s convenient upbringing, and his family’s resources could pump out something like “Are You Gonna Go My Way” with ease. Am I wrong?

There is a difference between simplicity and simplemindedness, and that’s all I’ve got to say about that.

Southpaw Jones presents
Online Museum of the Week
www.texacollector.com/blotters.htm” target=new>TEXACO BLOTTERS: