Holiday Rerun 3 of 5
Happy Thanksgiving Week! I’m taking it easy, but here’s something tasty from the archives of The Southpaw Jones Gazette. Enjoy…
Originally posted November 22, 2006:
Advice in the Year 2006 for Thanksgiving and/or Manx-Giving
1. If your family doesn’t drink or offer alcohol, you may need to start a food fight.
2. You’ll want to put the beast in a well-decorated box.
3. Don’t try to present it by grasping its non-tail, as it will surely scratch you and hop away.
4. Your high school crush will be at the local bar on Thanksgiving night. He/she will offer you sex for money and/or a religious conversion. Accept neither.
5. Tell the recipient to mind the arch in its back. Sensitive.
6. It’s perfectly alright to respond to “I love you” with “Why?”
7. Mashed potatoes are not to be joked about, only eaten with orgasmic glee.
8. Give it in the first year, and you can still call it a kitten.
9. You can always tell who’s winning a power struggle, ’cause they’ll say, “We have to stop this power struggle.”
10. Don’t ask me what I want for Christmas. I still don’t know.
I post whatever I want every weekday. I reserve the right to change my opinions. It is not my intention to bore.