Southpaw Jones

That’s right, sweet Maggie and I have returned from the edge of civilization and our excellent adventure. I won’t bore you will all the details, because I’m pretty exhausted, but here are 10 Highlights:

• An omelet kolache from the Rather Sweet Bakery & Café in Fredericksburg
• Seeing the mysterious Marfa Lights (maybe the 1st night, definitely the 2nd)
• Viewing Andy Warhol’s Last Supper at the Ayn Foundation gallery
• The absolute silence of FM-170
• One night in the desolate oasis of Chinati Hot Springs
• A hot springs bath in a blue tile tub
• An amazing drive through Big Bend Ranch State Park
• Using a star map to find constellations on top of a picnic table in Chisos Basin
• Hiking through Santa Elena Canyon in Big Bend National Park and dipping our hands in the Rio Grande
• Chicken Poop Bingo at Marfa’s Cinco de Mayo Celebration (on 5/4)

For realism and balance, here are some Lowlights:

• Finding half a desert bird in the grille of my car
• NOT seeing a bear nor a mountain lion
• The aloof hipsters of Marfa
• Seemingly random operating hours of restaurants and bookstores
• Picture-taking, scenery-hogging Europeans
• Dry dryness
• No washcloths in the hotel!

And finally, Animals we saw up close:

• Deer
• Skunk
• Roadrunner
• Cardinal
• Burro
• Hound

Now let’s see if I can face reality for the rest of the week.

as reported in The New York Times

May 6, 1908
TRIP IN BIGGEST BALLOON.
A. Holland Forbes Flies 75 Miles in the Conqueror.
NORTH ADAMS, Mass. — A. Holland Forbes of New York made today the first ascent in his new balloon, the biggest in America. Before the ascent his daughter, Miss Natalie Forbes, named the balloon The Conqueror.

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

Those prickly desert plants work on cool new poses at night when no one is looking. I know they rehearse for the next day of stillness, but I’ve never witnessed it. Have you ever seen a…

Highlight here for answer: [cactus practice]


Ugly Bugs

Vacation is what you take when you can’t take what you’ve been taking any longer.
Cowardly Lion

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
with Matt the Electrician
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://www.flipnotics.com

Alrighty, today is my last day of vacation with Maggie in West Texas. I wonder what I’m doing right now. Probably driving or looking at candy bars in a highway gas station. Or blasting Springsteen and pointing at the horizon. I’ll be back with a fresh perspective tomorrow.

as reported in The New York Times

May 5, 1908
RIX NOW ON TRIAL FOR PIANO SCANDAL
Accused of Accepting as New Pianos He Knew Had Been Used.
Frank R. Rix, one of the two music directors of the New York public schools, was placed on trial last night before the Committee on Buildings of the Board of Education on charges of “misconduct and neglect of duty” which grew out of the investigation of the “piano scandal.”

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

That brownish-yellow bear is so huge, he has his own weather system! Sometimes his fur is dry and sunny, but today, he’s all wet with light rain. That’s what we call a…

Highlight here for answer: [drizzly grizzly]


Ugly Bugs

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.
Robert Frost

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
with Matt the Electrician
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://www.flipnotics.com

That’s right, this lovely image of Tyra Banks and the regular features will have to keep you company until Tuesday, as I remain under the big sky in West Texas.

as reported in The New York Times

May 2, 1908
DOWIE NO LONGER UNKISSED.
Son of the Late Prophet Is Caressed in Court by a Girl Client.

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

During the filming of Purple Rain, they experimented with covering the star in soapy foam, but after seeing how it looked through the camera, the director said, “Cut! Enough of this. Would someone please…

Highlight here for answer: [rinse Prince]


Mickey Feio

I close my eyes while driving and just sing along. I always open them again in time.
Tyra Banks

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
with Matt the Electrician
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://www.flipnotics.com

Welcome to the lovely month of May, friends. I am on vacation in West Texas, where even the existence of Tyra Banks can’t dampen my spirits.

I’ve kept the regular features going below. Enjoy!

as reported in The New York Times

May 1, 1908
BOY TENOR PLEASES CARUSO.
Former Bootblack with Wonderful Voice Is Discovered in Pittsburg.

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

Sorry, you have to drop money in the change basket before you can use that dish to eat cereal. You see, it’s a…

Highlight here for answer: [toll bowl]


Mickey Feio

Even though I’m a model and guys fall in love with that image, I still look at myself as any other woman.
Tyra Banks

EVERY DANG THURSDAY (except tonight!)
with Matt the Electrician
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://www.flipnotics.com

Today is a big day in my little world.

Happy Birthday to Willie Nelson, Once and Future King and President of the Kingdom and Republic of Texas! He is seventy-five years young today, and he’s been making wonderful music live and in the studio for many decades. If you haven’t seen him live, just do it. Just do it! Wherever and whenever you can. I don’t care what kind of music you like. Do you like feeling good? I thought so.

Two years ago today, I went on a first date with a young woman named Maggie, and she’s been my sweetheart ever since. We went to the Blanton Museum for art (opening weekend!), Madam Mams for thai food, and Hole in the Wall for drinks and music. It was a walking and talking affair that lasted about six hours and ended with a kiss on the cheek and brilliant potential. She’s my girl, and I am a thankful man..

I’ll be listening to Willie’s 100-song box set One Hell of a Ride (a birthday present from Maggie), while I celebrate my 2-year anniversary with her, as we travel to West Texas for the bliss we miss in day jobs like this. Can you beat that with a stick? No? Then stick it with a beat. “She’s a good-hearted woman in love with a good-timin’ man…”

We’re heading out tomorrow morning, and we won’t be back until late Monday. I’ll keep the regular features of southpawjones.com going, so keep on coming back and thanks for doing so!

as reported in The New York Times

April 30, 1908
SUFFRAGETTES PROTEST.
The leaders of the Suffragette movement in New York, Mrs. Borrman Wells, Mrs. Lydia Commander, and Mrs. Sophie Loebinger, called upon Police Inspector Cortright yesterday to protest against the lack of police protection given them at their open-air meeting in Harlem on Monday evening.

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

The King of Judea has ordered the death of all children under the age of two! He fears the coming messiah! He has also ordered fine lotions and other moisturizing products for personal use. Behind his back, folks in Bethlehem are calling him….

Highlight here for answer: [arid Herod]


Mickey Feio

I consider all Willie Nelson songs locked in an infinite tie with themselves for first place. Why? Judging Willie Nelson songs is like trying to figure out whether you should thank God for the oceans or the mountains.
Todd Snider

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
with Matt the Electrician
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://www.flipnotics.com