Southpaw Jones

Do you have the name of an ex-lover permanently inked into your skin? Trying to give yourself a clean epidermal slate? Matt the Electrician was telling me the most common (and most unfortunate) cover-up for a tattoo is an 8-ball. That makes me sad.

I thought I might start a dating service for folks who can’t escape the past every time they take a shower or go to the pool. Before they try tattoo removal, before they try to cover it up with a bigger tattoo, they should let me help them find a new boyfriend or girlfriend with that same etched name!

Let’s say you’ve got MARIA tattooed on your right arm with a mermaid and hearts. My staff and I would search your metropolitan area for women who share your interests, socio-economic standing, and that specific, lovely name. How hard could it be? We could also look for girls named Mary, Marian, even Marta! That’d be a quick fix. We would also have a database of desperate folks willing to change their name on a whim.

I was all excited about the idea this morning, but I ran into my first obstacle when I discovered that tattoops dot com is already taken. Oh, well.

as reported in The New York Times

May 12, 1908
MRS. LONGWORTH’S JOKE.
Puts Tack on a Chair in House Gallery and Visitor Sits on It.

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

Did you know you have some rotting crumbs and shredded paper in the hair above your lip? Are you going to do something about that…

Highlight here for answer: [’stache trash]


LSD vs Alcohol vs Tree

Human nature is the same now as when Adam hid from the presence of God; the consciousness of wrong makes us unwilling to meet those whom we have offended.
Matthew Simpson

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
with Matt the Electrician
8 pm
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
www.flipnotics.com
________________________________________________________________

FRIDAY, MAY 16, 2008
8:00 PM
Oma Gruene’s Backyard Bier Garden & Wine Cellar
1263 Gruene Rd 78130
NEW BRAUNFELS, TX
1-830-626-6543
www.omagruene.com/bier.html
________________________________________________________________
WEDNESDAY, MAY 28, 2008
7:00 PM
Spike Gillespie’s Dick Monologues
Hyde Park Theater
AUSTIN, TX
dickmonologues.com

El Trip to West Texas, May 1-5, 2008