Southpaw Jones

The trail to the tool shed is covered with snow.
I don’t have a map, but I know where to go.

The bagels in bags brush against my right thigh.
The bells from the church tell me evening is nigh.

There’s no one around so I pee on a stump.
Our small creek is running so I make the quick jump.

I open the door and uncover a cage
The home of sweet Whiskers, my counsel and sage.

Mom and Dad aren’t aware that I’ve kept this dear mouse
Even after she told me to burn down the house.

Even after she told me to hog tie the cat,
And offer my best friends a cold tit for tat.

“Invest in one company. Pick it at random.”
“Ride alone around town on a bicycle tandem.”

Father once heard her tell me to suck plastic bags
Unimpressed with her voice, he wrapped her in rags.

He dropped Whiskers deep in the cruel countryside,
Where she waited, debated, then hitched a return ride.

She tapped on my window and told me she’d planned.
She knew what to do, she just needed a hand.

She told me to excel in English and Math,
To aim for a good school and follow a path.

A life plan that leads to the presidency!
If anyone can do it, she said, why not me?

She’ll toss me direction from her magic mouse throat
As long as I promise to give mice the vote.

YAY! WE DID IT!

I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time.
Blaise Pascal

Cats’ Sleeping Positions




One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

The table I prepared is clearly superior to yours. My forks and knives are properly positioned, and you’ll find no fingerprints on the plates. Clearly, I am the…

Highlight here for answer: [better setter]



Thursday, September 13th, 2007
8:00 PM
Bruce Hughes & Southpaw Jones
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
Austin, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://www.flipnotics.com
The New Weekly Show!