Southpaw Jones

Tuesday in my eyes can make me cry.

January 23, 2007 By: Southpaw Jones Category: Interesting?

Southpaw Jones presents
Is This Interesting?
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:

Well, I’ve got a touch of the blahs this morning, and I don’t have anything exciting to write about. I cooked a salmon fillet, drank red wine, and watched network TV all by my lonesome last night. Hello, late twenties.

But there’s always something out there for us weekday bloggers, an annual tradition that soothes a war-weary nation, some silly miracle that demands attention by its sheer worthlessness. That’s right, the Oscar nominations are out! Praise be to Hollywood!

Let’s begin our day-of analysis with Best Picture nominees:

“Babel”
Didn’t see it. Heard it was sadistic. Probably make me feel sad, even though it has the word “babe” hidden in it.

“The Departed”
Saw it. Enjoyed it, sort of. I sat between my friend Zach, who often laughed at the ultra-violence, and my girlfriend Maggie, who noticeably cringed every time someone got shot in the head. I don’t think I’m spoiling anything when I say there was a lot of laughing and cringing, which made for a wild roller coaster of a theater experience. However, the movie is most definitely not for everyone, it’s a little silly and excessive, and it shouldn’t win. Best Director, sure.

“Letters From Iwo Jima”
Didn’t see it. Seems too soon to be making movies about World War II. Show a little restraint, Eastwood.

“Little Miss Sunshine”
Great, funny, endearing movie. Saw it, enjoyed it. Yeah, yeah, the Academy traditionally doesn’t like comedies, but I do. Since Borat is not nominated, this is my pick.

“The Queen”
Didn’t see it. If I want to spend two hours watching power-hungry, paranoid inbreds, I’ll rent Deliverance.

Best Actor
Leonardo DiCaprio, “Blood Diamond”
Ryan Gosling, “Half Nelson”
Peter O’Toole, “Venus”
Will Smith, “The Pursuit of Happyness”
Forest Whitaker, “The Last King of Scotland”

Wow, I didn’t see any of these. Where am I? Who are you people? Let’s give it to Will Smith, who has yanked at my emotions since he got in one little fight, and his mom got scared. Who can’t relate?

Best Actress
Penelope Cruz, “Volver”;
Judi Dench, “Notes on a Scandal”;
Helen Mirren, “The Queen”;
Meryl Streep, “The Devil Wears Prada”;
Kate Winslet, “Little Children.”

Uh, ok, I saw “The Devil Wears Prada.” So what? It was a date! You got a problem? You wanna get up in my grill? You know where to find me. Meryl Streep wins the Pawscer for pursing her lips just so.

What else? Supporting? Blech. Director? Blech. Best Animated Short Film? Well, “No Time For Nuts,” of course. [Haven’t seen it.]

All in all, not that great a year for cinema in my opinion. And the Pawscer for Best Opinion goes to…Southpaw Jones!

“I’d like to thank L. Ron and my mother. I like to think I share this award with everyone who has some sense of likes and dislikes. Free Libby!”

Southpaw Jones presents
Quotopia
Freshly-picked quotes from the ol’ reference collection:
“Sometimes I go about in pity for myself, and all the while, a great wind carries me across the sky.”
Ojibwe saying

This bit of wisdom is one of many great aspects of The Sopranos Season 6. Watch it!

Bill Passalacqua presents
I am not a smoker…
One man’s reasons for not lighting up in ‘07:

…because I don’t ever even think about smoking anymore. Seriously, the only time I think about having a cigarette is when I’m sitting outside, waiting for someone. And how often does that happen???

So far I have saved $99.

Jan. 22nd, 2007

Southpaw Jones presents
Online Museum of the Week
The World’s Stupidest Tattoos:

Michael Laser presents
dont B a h8r
A list of quick text messages for the not-so-young generation:

Excerpts from an latimes.com article, December 25, 2006. MICHAEL LASER is the author of the novel “Dark & Light: A Love Story.”

BELATEDLY, I’VE LEARNED that LOL means Laughing Out Loud, and POS means Parent Over Shoulder (i.e., change the subject, fast). Young people invented this shorthand for e-mail and instant messaging, and you can hear their attitudes and concerns in it — for example, DYHABF (Do You Have A Boyfriend?), W/E (Whatever) and UW (You Wish).

I haven’t been 20 for a long time now, and my thoughts don’t always lend themselves to electronic communication; but they’re common enough to deserve concise acronyms of their own. So feel free to use any of these abbreviations as needed:

Middle-aged Zen

MKDKWAPI: My Kids Don’t Know Who Al Pacino Is

TCLTM: Teenage Cashiers Look Through Me

SIH->NM: The School I Hated Has Become a Nostalgic Memory

JL40WD (WHUA): John Lennon Was 40 When He Died. (What Have You Accomplished?)

ROTFC9: Rolling On The Floor, Call 911